Page 25 of Out of Focus

Ummm I can’t think of anything right now. Even though there are probably a hundred things I could ask.

I guess I want to be careful with you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’ve done that enough already in the past, and I feel kind of sick about it.

CHARLIE:

Oh.

ME:

Sorry. That obviously made you uncomfortable. See? I’m no good at this.

CHARLIE:

It didn’t.

It’s fine. You’re fine.

No one has ever told me they want to be careful with me before.

Don’t walk on eggshells around me just because you know I’m autistic.

It’s nice that you want to be sensitive to that, but it’s worse if you start acting the way you think I need you to act. I can’t be myself if you’re not yourself, too.

Does that make sense?

ME:

Yeah. That makes perfect sense, actually.

Can I just ask for one thing, then?

CHARLIE:

Sure.

Yes.

Sorry, sure can sometimes seem standoffish.

Please, go ahead.

ME:

Can you let me know if I do or say something that makes you feel uncomfortable? Even if it’s not right away, can you just at some point let me know so I can stop doing it?

CHARLIE:

Yeah. Okay.

I’ll add that to the contract.

And I’ll send you a document so you can have a copy, too.

But yeah. It’s part of being honest with each other, right?

ME:

Yeah, red. That sounds great.

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