Page 26 of Out of Focus

Also, I really dig the fact that you send so many messages all in a row. My phone is blowing up, and it’s kind of awesome.

CHARLIE:

You actually like something about me?

And here I thought you were committed to just barely tolerating me.

ME:

I like a lot of things about you, Chuck.

The three dots appear and then disappear a few times before they’re gone completely. Why did I say that? I mean, it’s true. I like her. I like her more than I think I should. More than I want to like her, even. But I like all of my friends. I like most people, actually. But I don’t like most people the way I like Charlie. I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone the way I like her.

ME:

Was that weird? I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to think I don’t like you. I’ve never not liked you. We just somehow ended up bickering all the time.

CHARLIE:

I just needed a moment to process.

I think that maybe I’ve held on to a grudge since meeting you.

I’ve had this idea that you’re a perfect guy with a perfect life, and nothing has ever been difficult for you.

And maybe I resented that.

No, I definitely resented that.

And I should apologize to you for this.

In person.

ME:

It’s okay. You don’t have to.

CHARLIE:

Yes, I do.

I want to.

It’s part of pushing myself to feel things and deal with them appropriately.

ME:

All right. But it’s okay if you don’t.

You know, I always thought you were the one with the pretty perfect life. You’re smart and beautiful. You always seem to go after what you want unapologetically. I’ve always thought that there was nothing you couldn’t do. I still do think that, but now I also respect the fuck out of you for doing it all while trying to fit into a world that doesn’t understand or always accept neurodivergent people.

CHARLIE:

Well, then, you should also respect the fuck out of yourself for doing the same.

Also, thanks.

I guess we just needed to find some common ground and let go of those misconstrued images we had of one another.

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