Page 47 of Cardinal

"It's just weird to digest and process given how I was taught things growing up, but I mean, at this point, I'm not even going to try and fully process it and just let it play out how it does and enjoy it as it comes." She sounded a little hesitant towards the end, but at least she admitted it out loud.

Pushing my hands away, she held them in my lap, playing with my fingers for a few seconds before looking up at me timidly. "Besides being a brat and all, I guess I like the thought of you being in control because it makes me feel a little less anxious. I mean, I still don't really know what to do with my life, so I hate feeling lost, and you telling me what to do, taking charge, all of that makes me feel at ease knowing I don't have to stress about thinking what's next."

"Do you want to relinquish all control to me? Or?" I prodded further, hoping to get her to open up more about her feelings, wants, and needs.

Juliet quickly shook her head in denial and looked at me with a soft frown. "Total power exchange didn't really strike my fancy. As much as I want you to direct and guide me, I don't necessarily want you to dictate every aspect of my life. I'm not really keen on being a slave. I want you to take care of me, give me a firm hand when I need it or ask for it, guide me, and be the strong person for me if any of that makes any sense."

Scrunching her face up, she puffed her cheeks out momentarily before huffing, "It's kind of confusing because I kind of want something that's kind of like a caregiver relationship, but I'm not really digging the whole Daddy aspect of it. I want it to continue for the duration of our relationship, but again, not in the whole master/slave sense." Sighing frustratedly, she pouted and flailed her hands a bit. "I'm sorry if I'm making no sense."

Amused at her flustered state, I rested my hands on her hips and rubbed small circles with my thumbs. "Amorina, we don't have to put labels on our dynamic. Maybe it will become one or another as time passes, or we simply engage in a Dom/sub relationship. There isn't a rule that says we have to fit into one category or another." Her trying to slot us into a category was rather adorable, though.

"That is the joy of the BDSM community. Nearly everything and everyone is welcome. No need for labels and fitting into any specific mold. We just do what we enjoy within three vital aspects: safe, sane, and consensual. It does not matter what you like or choose to participate in. As long as you keep to those three pillars, then you are golden." I assured her with a smile. "Is that clear?"

Cracking a smile of her own, she nodded and pulled one of my hands up to kiss the back of it. "Yes, sir, it is."

Holding my palm against her face, she pressed into it with a happy hum and smiled as she rocked back and forth a little bit. "You smell good." She spoke against my palm with an embarrassed smile. "It always calms me and makes me feel safe."

Fully cupping her face, I smiled tenderly at her and stroked her cheek with my thumb. "I am glad you feel that way with me." It beats being bat-shit scared of me.

"If I'm being honest, I don't really want things to change much between us, like routine-wise, and maybe a bit of our dynamic. I mean, yeah, I want to be your girlfriend, so that has to change, but other than that, the rules you set for me so far are kind of what I want anyway." She admitted after a moment of peaceful silence. "Well, and maybe I want you to be a little stricter, but that's about it."

Pulling her in close to my smirking face, I slipped my hand from her face down to her neck, gripping it softly. "Oh, don't worry about that. Things are going to be much different now that we are together." The twisted joy in my voice was hard to hide as the dirty thoughts of Juliet at my mercy crashed through my mind.

Unable to help myself, I kissed her deeply with a hungry groan as I pulled her hips right into me. I wanted her so badly. It would be so easy to pin her down to the couch right now and take her until she couldn't go anymore. The idea was tempting, but I knew I couldn't act on it.

Releasing her, I breathed deeply while resting my forehead against hers. I needed to calm down before I scared her off. "Did you get as far as figuring out what your limits are? Or have an idea of them?" Talking about her limits would get me back in the right headspace; I needed to know her comfort zone and where I could operate within.

Juliet's safety and comfort. That was my anchor to reality. She trusted me with herself, and I can't ruin that.

"A bit. There's a lot, but I think I have a good idea of my soft and hard limits." Juliet answered between her soft pants.

It was tedious to go through it all, but it had to be done. Of course, once she was done, we had to move on to mine because even Doms had their limits.

After our discussion, I was glad to see we were both on the same page. However, there was quite a bit on her soft list that we needed to test out, which frightened me a little because I didn't like the thought of pushing Juliet to her breaking point. Unfortunately, the only way for us to find out was to test out the limit. It won't be fun for either of us—it would definitely be painful. I just hoped that she could handle it for her sake.

"And have you decided on a safe-word?" The air around us grew heavy with my question as I looked at her with bated breath, only releasing it when she nodded her head.

"Tap out."

Chapter 26

Juliet

The rest of the day was spent without Luciano because he had business to take care of—hopefully, that didn't mean killing someone.

However, it wasn't the fact of him possibly killing someone out there that tripped me up. It was the fact I was fine with it. I shouldn't be fine with a life being taken so easily like that, but at the same time, why did it matter? If Luciano went after someone, they probably deserved it in some sense.

If I was being honest, with every passing day, I have become more jaded with life while finding some kind of joy in it. The world sucked, more so the people in it. I knew not everyone had a good heart and soul, but the meager amount astounded me. Our streets were filled with more black than white or gray—it made me sick.

Even if I had top-end bodyguards with me whenever I left the house, I never stopped feeling paranoid. Granted, my paranoia was brought on by my own devices.

I knew better than to dig and shove my nose into places I shouldn't, but after seeing all those people at the fight, I grew an itch to snoop. Skeleton after skeleton, I pulled so many dark secrets from people's closets to where I could fill up a few graveyards.

The mountains of dirt I had sat safely in some hard drives for another time. When? I had no idea. Honestly, I only dug because I was curious and wanted to test my hacking capabilities.

People really need to have better cyber security.

It was almost comical how easily I unraveled someone's life completely by grasping a single thread.

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