Page 48 of Cardinal

Now, I could be a good person and turn all this into the police, but that meant shutting down The Syndicate's business and Luciano's in passing.

Okay, I did turn one person into the police, but it wasn't out of the goodness of my heart. I wasn't a hundred percent sure, maybe about ninety-eight percent sure, but one of the people I happened upon in my little hacking spree was one of the men who raped me.

I didn't want to bug Luciano about one stupid man, so I decided to save him some trouble and take care of my own problem myself. Whatever fucked up shit I dug up on Marley Goth got packaged neatly into a flash drive and mailed first-class to the NYPD. As a second safe measure, I emailed everyone in the whole department from an untraceable email account. That single mail could get lost in transit or while it sat at the department. An email to everyone in the whole NYPD? Yeah, at least one person was bound to see it and bring it to someone's attention.

That was probably two days… I should probably snoop around to see if a case got opened up.

Did the police even work that fast, though? I assumed they would, but hey, there were more things of precedent than some serial child rapist (note the fucking sarcasm). Honestly, not gonna lie, I briefly debated putting the horrible man on blast all over the internet in hopes he would get jumped in the streets. I still wasn't against the idea, but I figured going the 'legal' route would be best.

I might be living with a crime boss, but that didn't mean I should let myself become one. On the other hand, my brand-new boyfriend was a mafia boss who could get away with almost anything…

The fact we were officially together now still tripped me out. Yeah, it has only been what? A few hours technically since we made it official, but we lived together for a while, so it shouldn't be that weird. However, we lived together more like friends or roommates before this, so I guess putting an actual label on our relationship slightly shifted things.

Also, it was more of a personal problem than anything. I mean, never in my life did I ever think I would be dating someone twice my age or a criminal. Okay, maybe that last part was a bit offensive because he wasn't necessarily some street thug or someone despicable.

At least he was a handsome criminal. Luciano Agosti was sin on legs, a live and breathing work of art.

And he was all mine now.

Call me a greedy and selfish bitch, but I wanted Luciano all to myself for now and ever. Yeah, maybe I had slowly become a little obsessed and addicted to him over time, but I fell into a safety net with him. I never wanted to let him go now that he let me sink my claws into him. And don't even get me started on the jealous rage that stormed within me at the thought of him being with anyone else who wasn't me.

The sheer need and desire for Luciano burned at every nerve ending in my body—it always had. My issue was not acknowledging my body's and mind's need for him because of my fear. Fear that held me back from taking the full leap with Luciano, which I hated.

I wanted to give myself to him, I really did, but I was so fucking terrified of it breaking us before we even got started. What if I couldn't get over the pain? He wasn't exactly small or average in size, and the men before hurt so much being less endowed than Luciano. And what if the memories came back with sex? I didn't want to ruin a special moment between us and make a fool of myself. What if, after one time, he decided I wasn't worth it? He said I was worth it, but what if he changed his mind after experiencing the fact I wouldn't be able to have sex with him for a long while, or possibly forever?

My cowering body jarred with a sudden shake, snapping me out of my own drowning thoughts. "Juliet, what's wrong?" Luciano's face appeared right before me after a few blinks, startling me with how close his concerned face hung from mine. "Principessa, what's the matter? You wouldn't answer when I called out for you, and you started to slip."

Sitting on the couch, he took my laptop from me and set it aside to pull me onto his lap and tuck me tightly against him. "What's going on in that mind of yours, amorina." His deep voice rumbled against my ear as he nuzzled the side of my head.

"Are you really sure about me?" I worried with a frown, not daring to lift my head up to face him out of fear of seeing regret or disappointment crossing his features.

Sighing deeply, he pressed a kiss against my temple before turning my head up to face his worried smile. "Shouldn't that be a question for a few months from now?" He joked with a dry chuckle. "Even if you do ask months from now, my answer will still be the same as it is now."

Sliding me off his lap, he sat me properly on the couch and got down onto the floor on his knees before me. "And you better tattoo my answer into your brain because it will never change." His voice held so much conviction with his deepening eyes that I couldn't help but shiver from the force of it. "I will never regret taking a chance with you. I will always, without a doubt or ounce of hesitation, be infinitely sure about you."

Leaning down, he kissed my knee before looking back up at me with the most heart-melting smile ever. "You know why I started to call you amorina along with principessa?" His voice lightened with a happy warmth as the corners of his lips twitched excitedly.

Shaking my head softly, I reached a hand down and threaded it through his fluffy hair. "No… But I also don't really know why you call me principessa either because I'm the furthest thing away from a princess." I had no idea what amorina meant, but guessing from the sound of it, I would assume it had to do something with love. Unless I really flubbed up that badly in Spanish class.

"Well, you are my little princess, precious and to be treasured and spoiled. You also act like a petulant princess when you act up, so it is fitting." He mused with a chuckle as he leaned into my touch. "Amorina means little love, a cuter way of saying amore mio, which means my love."

Reaching up, he gently wrapped his hand around my wrist to bring my hand to his lips, where he kissed the back of it. "You are my piece of bliss in this world, my light, my beauty, my breath. You are the reason why I am capable of feeling love. You are my little love in this world, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I do not want anyone else to have that title in my life either, nor will I let anyone else besides you."

Leaning up, he grabbed my face and brought me down into a breathtaking kiss. Shivers trickled down my spine at the feeling of the walls around my heart crumbling with each press of his lips and each wave of his hot breath washing over me. "Please, do not ever doubt my feelings for you nor the lengths I will go for you. Even if it means waiting an eternity for you to be ready, I will gladly do it." He whispered against my lips.

"What if I don't like sex? What if we try, and it really hurts, and I don't like it? What if you—"

My worrying was promptly cut off by his lips pressing against mine. "Stop." He prompted me sternly. "Do not think about that. I do not care about how soon we can fuck, so do not put a time frame on when we have to get into bed naked with each other." He sounded a little upset, but it didn't feel directly towards me with how his eyes averted. "And I am sorry if I give off the impression that sex is all I want from you or is what I am looking forward to in our relationship because it is not. Yes, I am a man with needs, but as I said before, I have my damn hand and the shower."

Sitting back on his haunches, he took my hands in his and rested them in my lap. "If we end up trying and you don't like it, then that is that. We just won't have sex." He made that ridiculous statement sound so normal and decisive. "And don't you dare argue with me on that. If you are not comfortable with sex after or if we try it, then so be it. As long as you are comfortable and happy in our relationship, that is all that matters."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I leaned my head against his. "I want to try, but I am just so fucking terrified. It feels wrong, too, because I can fantasize about us fucking if I'm in a mood, but then other times, it chills me to my very soul. I mean, just the thought of being naked in front of you scares me sometimes. What if you don't like how I look? What if I'm not enough?"

Luciano's body shook against me with his amused chuckle. "Baby, you are perfection to me. I'm not some shallow bastard who cares about their woman having nice tits or a huge ass. You are always going to look nothing shy of beautiful and perfect to me, I swear. Though I'm not gonna lie, I love how you are slowly filling out from your sticky figure before." He admitted with a cheeky grin.

"Is that why you keep shoveling food onto my plate? I'm around a hundred and forty-five pounds, you jerk." I playfully hit his shoulder with a weak chuckle. "But you're just saying all of that for the sake of it."

"My goal is to get you nice and plump. Sue me." He playfully remarked with a short laugh when my fists came at his chest. "You look good with a little meat on you." He admitted with a grin.

---