Page 57 of Just Between Us

But like with Levi, this feels different, it has me on the brink of insanity.

“Cole!” Kai screams just as he explodes and spills into my hand and onto his stomach.

I can’t stop. I keep fucking into him, sweat beading on my forehead. I lean down, kissing clean the small rivulet of crimson on his skin. Salt and copper dance on my tongue. Under me, Kai is still riding out his orgasm and I drop the knife, pulling him up to kiss him as my orgasm rips through me, an unrelenting wave of pleasure.

And even when I’m completely empty, I can’t stop fucking him until I feel him spasm against me. With the taste of his blood still on my tongue, I kiss him deeper, ignoring my sensitivity until he’s begging me to stop.

And I keep thinking how fucked I am because at no point did I ever consider truly hurting him. At no point did I wonder what would happen if I just cut a little deeper.

Levi is the only other person I’ve never wanted to hurt.

Kai

It’s like I’m floating. I look up at Cole, his dark hair falling around his face like a halo. He’s smiling and he reaches over to undo the tie around my wrist. He lowers my arms slowly. I barely register the ache as I look down at my own body, at the mix of dried blood and come. I let out a quiet gasp and Cole chuckles quietly.

“You okay?” he asks, eyes assessing my face carefully.

It’s like my brain has been stuffed with cotton wool. I can’t seem to reach for any coherent thoughts.

“I—I can’t feel anything,” I say quietly.

But that’s not true exactly. I feel panic starting to build inside me. I worry that he might leave, that he might decide I’m disgusting for what I did. I can’t seem to piece anything together. I look up at him, tears welling in my eyes.

Cole runs the back of his hand against my cheek. “Whoa, hey, I’m not going anywhere.” He frowns slightly and that burst of panic rises inside me again. Have I done something wrong?

“I just need to clean this wound, okay?”

I look down at my body again. It’s like I’ve been attacked.

I nod quickly and he places a soft kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back. Promise.”

I stare up at the ceiling and the soft golden glow from the light above, breathing through my nose and out through my mouth but the fog won’t clear and that feeling of dread only inflates inside me. Luckily, Cole is back before I have time to travel deeper into my hole.

“This might sting a bit,” he tells me as he wipes the small nick under my rib cage with antiseptic and places a butterfly stitch. I barely feel any of it, my mind is carrying me towards something dark no matter how hard I try to stop it.

A second later, I feel Cole envelope me, holding me against his chest. I breathe him in deeply, the scent of him and sweat mixing to create something that I’m specifically addicted to.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

He’s quiet for a second. “What are you apologising for?”

I don’t know.

I know I’m being weird and even though I know we shouldn’t stay like this; I can’t seem to move. Cole grips my chin, making me look at him. He watches me for a moment, eyes flashing. “You’re okay,” he tells me. “You’re just dropping.”

“What?”

“In the BDSM community, it’s called a sub-drop. It can happen sometimes after particularly intense sex or a scene. You experience an adrenaline rush during the scene and sometimes you can have an intense comedown,” he says, kissing me again. “But it’s okay. I’m right here.”

“Oh,” I whisper.

The panic tries to rear its head again, but Cole is here and I’m fine. This is normal, I tell myself.

But it doesn’t feel normal. No matter how long I stay there in Cole’s arms, listening to his steady heartbeat, the fear still manages to spread through me, gripping me tight in an ice-cold fist.

I shut my eyes and see Levi kissing me under the pretty lights of the exhibition. I feel Cole cut me—the exhilaration of it all, the joy of belonging to them both. But it’s not real. They are not mine and the overwhelming fear that it will all be snatched away soon threatens to drown me.

“Kai,” Cole says, bringing me back.

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