Page 102 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

Only ever him.

Chapter 30

KADRA

FIRST LOVE

“He was the light in my darkness.” – K

Kadra 13 - Vitali 23

I was sitting cross-legged on the wet ground, reading my favorite confession from Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth when a black crow flew in circles above me before taking its usual spot a few headstones from where I’m sitting.

My heart starts to pound abnormally fast. I don’t even have to look up, I know it is him. It is his scent and the way the air changes whenever he is in my space. Like I’d touched a livewire and my whole body zinged from the current. I don’t feel that with anyone else. Only him. How strange.

“I see you still enjoy hanging around the dead.” Honey and gravel. That’s what his voice reminds me of.

“They’re great company,” I mumble, and side-eye him as he steps closer. Black combat boots stop in front of me. His clothes are designer now, but his style hasn’t changed much over the years. Black on black on black.

“I bet.” He mumbles sounding as bored as I do whenever someone I have zero interest in interacting with does.

Putting my book down, I look up at him. Mikhail looks around the cemetery with empty eyes as if he’s seeing this place but not really. It’s hard to explain this man. All I know is that ever since he first appeared in front of me all those years ago, I haven’t been able to forget the man with gray eyes and an aura that’s as dark as the clothes he wears.

Somehow, he’s gotten even taller and bigger. Don’t adult males stop growing at some point? How come every year he looks even more menacing?

Silence falls between us as I stare at him from his black hair to his black boots. Before I could stop myself I opened my mouth, not standing his silence. “You’ve gotten old.” I point out staring at the hair on his face. He hadn’t had that before. He also has more tattoos than he did last year. He looks meaner too. His cheekbones are sharper and the lines around his mouth are more prominent. He looks the same but older and more jaded.

But his eyes… Those are the same. Angry, bored, and so very gray.

So pretty…

They remind me of my favorite weather.

Cloudy.

His eyes also remind me of a reckless storm.

Mikhail cocks his head, studying my face. “And you’ve cut your hair.” He says, sounding detached.

Heat creeps up my neck and stains my cheeks. When I notice him looking at my hair. Last time he saw me my hair was longer reaching my back but after a rebellious outburst about a week ago, I chopped it off and now it falls on top of my shoulders. Gabriele was pissed that I defied him and I paid the price for my disobedience. It hurt but it was worth it.

Feeling slightly self-conscious, I play with a strand of hair. What does he think of my new hair? Does he think it looks ugly? I did it myself. I know some pieces are longer than others, something the kids at the academy pointed out. Valentino thinks I look pretty, not that I care what others think but somehow at this instant I do care what the big Russian who seems to appear out of thin air like a dark fairy godmother, thinks.

He crouches in front of me. I lift my head, my eyes locking onto his grays. From this up close, I could see his face better. It feels almost intimate.

Mr. Dark and Broody is always scowling or glaring. Does he ever smile? I try to imagine his smile. I bet he would look lovely.

As I look into his eyes, they are not soft. They look… empty. Bored. I guess what’s new.

But as his eyes bore into mine, I felt like I’d stopped breathing.

Why does that happen?

I watch as he takes a cigarette pack out of the inside of his jacket, takes a cigarette out and puts it between his lips.

“You shouldn’t smoke around kids…” I blurted out, feeling shy all of a sudden. I never feel shy around anyone yet with this man I do.

His lip quirk in amusement. Something tells me that’s as close to a smile I’ll get from him. “You’re right, kotyonok,” he says, surprising me, then he surprises me even more when he plucks the cigarette from his mouth and puts it behind his ear.

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