Page 103 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

He listened to me.

No one ever does but he did.

Thump.

Thump.

Silly girl… he’s a man and you’re… you.

The words sting.

Mikhail’s amusement fades, and his eyes turn serious. They look like a sky full of dark clouds during a storm. “Who did that?” He asks harshly, no trace of softness in his tone and his voice comes out in an angry growl while he points at my face.

I was so busy getting lost in his beautiful and very dark eyes that I forgot the reason why I ran here in the first place. The need to escape the hell back home. But most importantly I’ve forgotten the bruises on my face. I’ve gotten so used to the pain that I forgot I have a busted lip and purplish bruises on one side of my face. “No one.” I clear my throat when he looks at me as if he doesn’t believe me. “I was playing with my sister and she accidentally hit me,” I muttered, lying like an expert. I’ve gotten good at it, too…

His eyes turn even darker than before and he frowns as if he’s not convinced. “You’re not a very good liar, kotyonok.”

Kotyonok…

Kitten.

I looked up the meaning of the word one day at the academy’s library.

I don’t understand why he calls me that. I’m not a kitten, at least I don’t want to be. I want to be a tigress. Fearless and lethal.

Remembering that the man has spoken, I hold his gaze. “And you’re nosey.” I snap. Feeling anxious when the bugs in my stomach cause a storm.

His eyes widened a little in surprise and I felt proud when I saw that I clearly surprised him. I bet he wasn’t expecting that.

“I’ve been called a lot of things, kid, but nosey is new.” He laughs.

He laughed and something funny happened to my chest. Something I can’t quite explain. I’ve never felt it before now. I’ve only read about it.

Suddenly, I don’t feel so cold. I feel… warm. All over. Huh.

“There’s a first time for everything,” I whisper, feeling exposed as he looks at my bruised face with an unreadable expression. Is he angry? Does he pity me? No, I don’t think he does. At least he doesn’t show it.

I consider myself pretty good at reading people but this man I can never read. I don’t know what he’s thinking. He has a great poker face.

“Keep fighting, kotyonok and the world will be yours.” He whispers just before he rises to his full height and quietly leaves the cemetery without a single glance back.

Four times.

I’ve met the man in black three times and always under a raging sky. A stormy day.

Funny how every time he leaves, I feel a storm of emotions I don’t fully understand yet. The seize every one of my senses.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I hold my hand over my racing heart. I wonder if this is what love feels like?

* * *

I didn’t know it back then but that was the exact moment I fell in love with the Russian. I fell in love the second I heard him laugh. Because his laugh was a thing of beauty just like his smile.

The moment he laughed that day, every bruise both in my face and heart faded. Nothing hurt. The world ceased to exist and all there was… was him.

I left the cemetery feeling lighter even when I knew the world would fall on my shoulders soon yet I didn’t care.

That day I fell in love with a man I couldn’t have. Not at the time at least.

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