Page 102 of Those Two Words

JOHANNA

It’s taken me longer than usual to get to the lookout point.

I’ve spent my time on the hike up taking in the view and collecting my thoughts. The effects of my anxiety had disappeared by the time I snuck out of the back of Just Brew It, swearing Quinn to secrecy about where I was going. I wasn’t stupid enough to not tell anyone I was headed to the park, not wanting to risk spraining my ankle and no one knowing where to find me.

About halfway up, I notice a manmade path branching off the main trail. My watch tells me I have half an hour until the sun sets, so I go to investigate. Rays of sunshine stream through the thick canopy of pine trees, and like little spotlights, they light up a small clearing of wildflowers. Bluets, Marigolds, and Wild Strawberry. Picking a few of the larger stems, I make up a small bouquet before finding my way back to the trail and continuing my trek.

Once I reach that familiar ridge on the horizon, I’m met with the most stunning sky. The once-white clouds are now backlit with all different shades of pinks, purples, and oranges, each melting into the other. The horizon glows brightly, shifting ever so slightly as the sun begins its descent. The smaller islands and pine trees sitting out on the bay are black silhouettes, with the sky stealing the show behind them.

I feel at peace up here, like the calm waters in front of me. There’s no breeze in the air as I tip my head back and bask in the sun’s last few moments.

With the small bouquet of flowers, I slowly walk up to the strikingly large and thick pine tree, a few feet from the cliff edge. It must be at least two hundred feet tall now, overshadowing all the other pines, spruce, and oak surrounding it. I run my fingers over the rough bark before placing the flowers at its base.

I’ve only been out here once since I’ve returned—when I took Quinn hiking—but I didn’t want an audience for what I’m about to do. Craning my neck to stare up the length of the tree, I find my voice.

“Hi, Mom,” I whisper, voice cracking. “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken in a while.”

I’ve never put much thought into what happens once we die, but I do like to think we leave a presence behind. Something that allows our memories to live on. This spot is exactly where I always feel closest to my mom. It’s my favorite place on the bay, because it was hers, and it was where we came to scatter her ashes before the first snowfall that year.

“I’ve missed you. But I know you’re watching over us all. I hope Ted is with you too. We all miss you both so much, but I’m glad you have each other. I know Dad misses you too. He says he comes up here a lot to see you.” I crouch down and run my fingertips across the soft petals of the flowers, ignoring the tears that splash on the dirt beneath my feet. “I hope you haven’t been too disappointed or worried about me. I had—I had a tough few years, but I’m okay now. I’m more than okay.

“I finally came home and I’m so glad I did. I miss Harriet, but I missed Dad too. I missed the memories we made here together as a family. I missed seeing reminders of you in the restaurant, at the beach, and in the flowers that bloom every spring. I didn’t want to miss you more than I had to. The memories of you weren’t what kept me away, I realize that now. And although it hurts, I’ve learned to treasure all the time we had together.

“I met someone. Well, you know who Patrick is.” I chuckle, just as a light breeze cuts through the trees. “I have never been so sure of something in my life, but I had to make sure my heart and mind were ready to give him the love he deserved. You always told me that to love, we had to love ourselves first. I hope you’re glad we found our way back to each other. Patrick makes me feel complete, treasured, and so happy. Some days are hard, but I’m loved by so many people, and I still feel your love.”

I wipe at my cheeks with the sleeves of my sweater. Kissing the tips of my fingers and pressing them into the wood, I slowly stand. “Thank you for creating so many memories for us, Mom. I promise I’ll visit again soon. I love you.”

Peace washes over me.

I needed to do this before heading back into town and finding Patrick. I turned my cell off after his first few calls, but not because I’m avoiding him; I just know I would have begged him to come up here with me. This is something I had to do alone. With one final look at the sunset, I turn to make my way down the trail.

Only my feet stop working when my eyes meet another pair so green, they rival the trees surrounding us.

Patrick.

His are bright with tears, and I have no idea how long he’s been standing there.

But he’s here.

One of his hands is tucked into the front pocket of his jeans, while the other is behind his back. The sunset paints him in orange, making him look ethereal, as if he fell from the sky itself. So many emotions are etched into his handsome face, but relief and tenderness shine the brightest.

“Are you following me?” I ask. Despite the humor in my voice, tears collect in the corners of my eyes.

“I think I’ve been following you my entire life, why stop now?” A gentle smile pulls at the corners of his mouth as he takes a few steps toward me. “Do you mind?” He nods toward the large pine tree. Before I can ask him what he’s doing, he’s leaning forward, placing a kiss at the corner of my mouth, and walking toward the tree. It’s only then I see what’s behind his back.

As Patrick crouches down in the same spot I was at moments before, he gently rearranges the small bouquet I collected as he adds delicate, star-shaped flowers.

Mayflower.

My heart flutters, and I suspect it’s going to be doing that a lot now.

“My mom’s?—”

“Favorite flower, I know. And your namesake,” he adds.

“Are you going to finish all of my sentences for me?”

“If you let me do it for the rest of our lives, then yes, I am.” His smile grows wider, but I’m in too much shock to respond. He turns toward the tree and like me, he places a kiss in the palm of his hand and lays it against the bark but doesn’t remove his hand when he speaks.

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