Page 13 of These Wicked Desires

Just as I’m about to drift off, Cade presses a kiss to the top of my hair. “Sleep, love. Everything is going to be okay.”

With his reassurance echoing in my mind, I let myself slip away.

Kai

I’m on edge, unable to sit still or calm my heart. The restless feeling could easily be remedied by going upstairs and talking to Ellis, but I’m not ready for that. In all my years of living, I have never lost control of the monster inside me. Tonight, I came really damn close. That alone has left me unsteady and unsure of everything. If it hadn’t been for Cade, I for sure would have done something I would have regretted later.

I sit on the porch steps and sigh. The moon reflects off the lake in the distance and just the thought of it makes my chest ache. That night was perfect. Being able to give Ellis what she’d been dreaming of was amazing. And being together, the four of us, finally, was honestly the most special night of my life. But even thinking about that night and the possibility of more like it to come can’t help me shake this sensation.

Behind me the door opens and closes, and the sound of bare feet thumping on the wooden porch precedes the scent of pine and winter air. Sterling sits next to me with a heavy exhale. It’s been a while since we’ve been alone, just the two of us. So much got weird between us while he was figuring out his situation with Ellis. It’s nice having him back.

“She’s asleep,” he says. “And so is Cade.”

I nod, not surprised by any of it. Ellis had an emotionally draining day. And I took more from Cade than I probably should have. “She told you why she left?” I’m curious to know his reaction to Ellis trying to make peace between the brothers.

“Yeah, and I can’t fault her for it. I mean, obviously I wish she wouldn’t have gone off without one of us, but her heart was in the right place.” He takes the hair tie off his wrist and tugs his hair into a messy bun on the back of his head. “She knows what it’s like to lose a sibling, and she didn’t want me to go through that.”

I nod. Like Sterling, I don’t fault her for why she did it. I just don’t like the way she went about it. Unfortunately, I think she was probably right. Had she asked Cade and me to take her, we probably would have said no. Neither of us would have wanted to help her get in the middle of something we thought Sterling would want her to stay out of.

It’s just one more reason tonight left me so on edge. She didn’t trust us to help her so she went behind our back. And she would have been right. What does that say about us? It makes me realize we need to trust her more. Not just because she knows us better than we do. But because no one has ever listened to her before. And if she thinks she needs to do something for us, we need to let her.

“I hurt her by feeding from Cade instead of her.” The look in her eyes when she realized I chose him over her will haunt me for the rest of my life. But it was the emotions I picked up on that I’ll never be able to shake. Betrayed. Heartbroken. Devastated. They were so strong I could barely remain standing. It took all of my self control to remain on my feet. Just thinking about it makes the monster inside me restless.

“Once you talk to her she’ll understand,” Sterling says. “This is the first time something like this has happened, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. We all have a lot to learn. None of us have ever been in a relationship like this and we’re bound to make mistakes.”

He would know. And based on what I’m picking up from him, he’s thinking of exactly that.

“She loves us, and we love her. In the end, that will get us through everything.” Sterling grimaces as he stretches out his neck from side to side, the bones popping softly.

He’s right, and while that knowledge helps to ease some of my worry, I know I just have to wait to hear it from Ellis to make everything right again.

We sit quietly for a few moments, the only sounds are the crickets chirping in the darkness and the occasional call of an owl or the howl of a wolf. I’ve always loved the night, and not just because I’m a vampire and hate the sunlight. To me, there is nothing more peaceful than when the world is asleep.

Being the vampire prince and my father’s assassin, I never get to spend as much time outside at night just enjoying the stillness as I would like. The blanket of stars overhead in the vast black sky does something to a person. It humbles you. Makes you realize there is so much more out there than you could ever fathom. It’s a good reminder for someone like me who has everything they could ever want in the palm of their hands.

I turn to Sterling to find him staring at the stars as well. “We haven’t talked in a while,” I say. “Ellis seems to think you want to be alpha. Is that the case?”

He nods. “Ultimately, yeah. But it’s a decision I would make with all of you. My choice no longer just impacts me. I have all of you to think about now, too.”

I nod. That’s something that will take some getting used to. Any decisions we make from here on out will have to be as a team. “Well, I’m all for it. Getting the wolves back to what they were when your dad was alpha would benefit everyone.”

“What about you?” he asks, turning to me. “You’re still the prince, after all.”

I sigh. I’ve never been more conflicted about my future than I have been recently. “I’ve always wanted to be king after my dad. You know how much I want to change how things are done. I don’t know if that’s still a possibility. I guess that will also be a group discussion.” I run my hands through my hair, looking at the lake in the distance. “But I do know I’m done being my dad’s lackey. As soon as all of this is over, I’m making sure he understands Ellis is off limits, and he can find someone else to do his bidding.”

He nods. “I have a feeling Ellis will be going after Cade’s family next. She won’t settle for them being held captive. We need to be prepared for that.”

He’s right. “Yeah. And this time we’ll make sure we do it together.”

Silence falls around us once again, until he pushes up from the steps with a soft groan. “I’m going to try and get some sleep. You coming?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m going to hang out here for a bit longer.” Even if I wanted to sleep, I’m too hardwired to be awake at night. Besides, until I settle things with Ellis, I won’t be able to sleep anyway.

“Sounds good. And Kai?” Sterling stops with his hand on the knob. “Everything will be fine.”

The moon is low on the horizon when the porch door opens again. This time vanilla and lavender swirl around me, and my heart skips a beat. She doesn’t sit next to me, instead she stands behind me until I turn around to look at her. Her arms are wrapped around her middle and her shoulders are curved inward. She looks like she did when we first rescued her from Sam. It hits me so hard in the gut I double over. It’s my fault my beloved looks like that.

I climb to my feet and face her. “Ellis,” I breathe.

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