Page 8 of Ruining Vanessa

For the baby.

2

VANESSA

I stumble away from the toilet. My hands are shaking when I reach for the tampons in the basket under the sink.

I’m not pregnant.

I’m not pregnant.

It’s almost impossible to fathom, after Damien had been starting to get excited as a few more days had passed without any sign of my period. But now I get to tell him I’ve started, and I get a reprieve. I doubt they’ll want to fuck me while I’m bleeding—well, Slayer might, which is a disconcerting thought. But I might actually get a break from all of this.

Or maybe they’ll just use my ass and mouth.

My euphoria at starting my period fades quickly, and I sigh. I’m not going to be free of them no matter what. But at least I’m buying time before I’m pregnant. One month has passed. More. It has to be more, right? How late was I?

It’s so hard to keep track of time here.

Giulio had brought me back to Ntimacy, to my “upgraded” room that has a deadbolt on the outside and a chain attached to the bed. “Much more secure now,” he’d said, still smiling. “But you’re not going to try to run again, are you?”

Of course I’m not. Where could I go that they wouldn’t find me? The tracker is still embedded under my skin. The girls are still trapped here. And everybody’s under orders to keep my ankle chained to the bed when I’m locked in here.

It seems like overkill, especially when he’s already dangling Stef’s fate over my head, but I wasn’t going to argue. If he wants to keep me chained and bolted inside, I’ll deal with it, even though the solitude is already driving me crazy. The only person who’s brought me food is Cat, and if I’d thought she hated me before… It was nothing compared to how it is now.

I clean myself up as best I can with the chain getting in the way. The worst part is how I can’t even get dressed properly. I have to make do with Damien’s shirts and the panties I’m already wearing.

When that’s all done, I’m left staring at the ceiling again.

I try to distract myself somehow, but my mind only circles around my inevitable fate. If I had a book, at least. A TV. A phone! Anything to entertain myself.

I can’t even sleep, because I’d already napped for who knows how many hours. There are only the blank walls to stare at.

I’m starting to think that Giulio is right, and people can die of boredom.

Boredom, and the sudden cramp that hits me. I grimace. After everything I’ve gone through, a little bit of period pain should have been nothing, but my body disagrees. I’ve never had awful periods, but I also used to be a lot more active—and I took painkillers liberally.

Sex does not count as exercise; cum is not a painkiller.

I close my eyes, trying to breathe through the pain. If this is bad, I can only imagine what childbirth will feel like. Labor pains have to be ten times worse than this.

That only makes me more desperate not to get pregnant at all.

I hear the bolt on the door slide open, and I sit up. The chain on my ankle jingles as I move, but I manage to get into a reasonably comfortable position.

I’m prepared for it to be Cat, but this time it’s Stef.

I stare at her. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since the night Giulio had let all of those men use her until she’d passed out. That was all my fault, and both of us know it. I hadn’t thought she’d come to see me any time soon, and I don’t blame her either.

She ducks her head, closing the door behind her and bringing my tray over to the bed. After my time at Slayer’s, the food has gotten decidedly better, with gourmet meals I can’t even finish half the time because the spread is so large. I imagine that’s another reason Cat hates me, but the one time I’d tried to offer to share, she’d thrown the tray against the wall. She’d had to clean it up, but I hadn’t eaten that night.

I hadn’t offered to share again.

“Hi,” I say tentatively, taking the tray off her hands. I want to ask her if she’s all right, but the bruising on her face and arms is enough of an answer. I should apologize, but what good will that do? It can’t change the past.

Stef doesn’t say a word. She turns to leave, and I can already see the emptiness stretch out around me once more.

“Wait! Please!” I shout, grabbing her wrist.

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