Page 20 of A Little Light

“When I look at you? I see a woman who hasn’t had the easiest time when it comes to love. I see someone who wants to be accepted for who she is…not what people choose to assume. I see hope, and I see happiness, and I see…pain.”

Rachel inched closer, her hand still wrapped around Andi’s. “But you also see the escort, don’t you?”

Andi lowered her eyes, but they only landed on Rachel’s cleavage. She looked back up, not wanting to be that kind of woman. “Actually, escort is the last thing I think about when I look at you.” A single tear slipped down Rachel’s cheek, her lips parting. Andi lifted her hand, brushing it away with her knuckles. Rachel may not have known it, but Andi heard her breath catch. “You’re an escort. So what?”

“It’s never that simple, Andi.”

“I know.” Andi didn’t know any other escorts, but she knew life had to be difficult for Rachel. Society was terrible when it came to judging people. “But I needed you to know that I…would consider it with you.” Fuck! Was Andi drunk? She had to be to stand here right now saying these things. “That I’d like to see where this went. Probably not very far. I think I have all of this completely wrong, and dinner really was just dinner, but I wanted you to know that I don’t think the same as the other women in the past have.”

Andi gazed into Rachel’s blue eyes. She had to consider whether a change of scenery, a new home, and the promise to herself to live life had her saying these things. Whatever it was, nothing she had said was a lie. If Rachel kissed her right now, she would reciprocate. And if Rachel remained so close by for much longer, Andi was going to make the first move. Either she would regret it in the morning, or she wouldn’t.

“Thank you for the offer of wine, but I think it’s probably a good idea for me to leave.”

Andi nodded slowly, the loss felt when Rachel lowered her hand and let go. There goes the idea of kissing her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I appreciate your honesty.” Rachel took a step back, then another. “I’ll just call a cab.”

Andi watched Rachel leave the kitchen, disappointed that she’d opened her mouth and revealed her feelings. She’d known it would be a mistake, that Rachel didn’t look at her the way Andi looked at Rachel, but tonight had seemed different. It had felt as though Rachel was flirting. Actually, Andi was certain there had been flirting involved. Maybe, for the shortest time, Rachel was entirely herself with Andi.

Well, you fucked that up!

She followed Rachel out into the hallway, watching her book a cab through an app with a shaking hand.

“A-all done. Shouldn’t be long.” Rachel smiled back at Andi, but she knew it was fake. This woman couldn’t wait to run out the door the moment her phone pinged.

“I know we said we’d do this again, dinner, but…I shouldn’t expect to hear from you, should I?” God, Andi was going to miss spending time with Rachel. If she had just kept her feelings to herself, that could have been happening. “I have your email on file. I’ll let you know when the keys are ready for you, okay?”

“Sure. That would be great.” Rachel’s phone pinged. She moved towards the door, grabbing her coat from the hook. “I’ll see you around, Andi. Thanks for a great night.”

“Wait!” Andi gripped Rachel’s wrist gently, turning her to face her. “W-was it me? Was it something I said or did? Was it just terrible, and you don’t want to hurt my feelings?”

“What? No.”

Andi sighed. “I don’t know how to do any of this anymore. Dating and knowing what women want. If it was terrible for you, I am sorry. I tried to dress up and to look the part, but…I really don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” Andi felt anxious all of a sudden. It wasn’t because Rachel had turned her down, not at all. She just felt really out of practice. “I know dinner with you wasn’t a date, and as I’m now learning, it wasn’t even as friends I don’t think…but I did have the perfect night with you. That’s all that matters to me.”

Rachel leaned in, pressing a kiss to Andi’s cheek. “It wasn’t anything you did.”

Andi’s shoulders slumped. If Rachel didn’t tell her where she was going wrong, she couldn’t better herself for any other woman down the line. “Okay, well, get home safe, and I’ll be in touch about your loft.”

“If you’ve changed your mind, I understand.”

“Changed my mind about what? The loft?”

Rachel opened the front door, glancing back at Andi. “Yeah. I’d understand. This is a huge decision for you, Andi. As much as I want that loft, I’d rather know you were happy first.”

“The loft is yours, Rachel. It doesn’t matter what’s happened here tonight…I’m not that kind of woman. We have a contract, and from this moment on, I will only contact you regarding that contract.”

Rachel offered a single nod. “Okay.”

“Would you please text me when you get home? So I know you arrived safely.”

“I will.”

“Thank you.”

Rachel stopped as her foot hit the first step down to Andi’s garden gate. She turned and faced Andi with tears in her eyes. “You’re going to make someone very happy someday. Just this last week with you…you’ve made me realise exactly what I want in my future. Someone like you. Someone who is caring and genuine. This, tonight, it’s all on me. You did nothing wrong.”

If Rachel wanted someone like Andi, why wasn’t Andi good enough? That didn’t make much sense. But Andi didn’t know Rachel, and she wouldn’t put herself through it by asking for another chance. “Take care of yourself, Rachel. I’ll be in touch to finalise everything.”

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