Page 19 of A Little Light

“Don’t be daft. I’m happy for you. It’s the place you want, and I know you’re going to thrive there. The summer is incredible with the light that floods in. You’re going to love it.”

“I know, but it’s not the same for you.”

Andi lifted a shoulder and looked back out of the window. “Nothing has been the same for a long time. But I’m learning to live a different life now. After tonight, the wonderful time I’ve had with you…I know I’m going to be okay.”

“Here you are, love.” The cab driver pulled up outside Andi’s new place, cutting the engine.

She took some cash from her purse and handed it to Rachel. Andi had already been treated to dinner. Rachel had refused to accept half the bill—the least she could do was take care of the cab fare. “If it’s any more, just let me know.”

“That’s more than enough.” Rachel looked down at the twenty-pound note in her hand. “Thank you for spending the evening with me, Andi. We’ll definitely do it again.”

“We will.” Andi sighed when she looked up at her darkened home. And then she had a bright idea. One that was only going to lead to a place that could potentially change everything, but still… “Would you like to come in for a glass of wine?”

Rachel seemed shocked by that. But she quickly recovered. “I’d…love to. If you’re sure.”

“Come on in.” Andi exited the vehicle, proud of herself for not cutting the night short just yet and proud of herself for bringing a woman back with her. Be it a friend or not, she was still making strides instead of baby steps in her mind. “Red or white?” She asked as Rachel climbed from the other side of the car.

“Whatever you fancy. I don’t mind.”

“You’re the guest. You decide.”

Rachel followed behind Andi, closing the garden gate as Andi fumbled for her keys. “Red?”

“Red it is.” She forced the door open, glad she’d set the timer on the heating. Her new home was bigger compared to the loft. High ceilings, Edwardian-built. It took much more to heat the rooms here. She kicked off her heels at the bottom of the stairs, pushing them out of the way. “This is strange.” Andi turned to Rachel. “You’re the first person to come here. Even my lifelong friends haven’t visited yet.”

“Why?” Rachel shed her jacket, hanging it up by the door.

“I…wasn’t ready for them to be here. I’ve done nothing with the place, but you wouldn’t know that because you don’t know the old me.”

“I think it’s lovely. It has a tonne of character. It’s quite similar to the house I’m living in.”

“Honestly,” Andi said, inviting Rachel into the kitchen. “I don’t know why the hell I chose it. It’s too big, I have nothing to fill it, and I don’t feel comfortable here.”

“Where would you feel comfortable?” Rachel asked, resting against the kitchen counter next to Andi. Rachel’s perfume calmed her, her slightly tipsy voice making Andi smile. “Something smaller?”

“The loft. It’s the only place I’ve ever really felt comfortable. It was…home, you know?”

Rachel nudged Andi with her shoulder. “And it couldn’t have continued to be home?”

“No. I don’t think so. And my close friends agreed. Moving on, you know?” Andi knew they’d all been right. It just took a little while for her to realise it herself. “It was the right choice. Since I left it, I’ve met you.”

“But I’m not really moving on, am I?”

Andi’s brows drew together. “I’m sorry?”

“Andi, I suspect your friends were talking about you moving on in the relationship sense. While it’s great that we met, I don’t fall into that category, do I?”

“I wish you did,” Andi mumbled, staring down at the wedding ring she still wore. If she had realised anything tonight, it was just how much she’d missed being with another woman. Dinner and conversation while she gazed into those blue eyes. Rachel probably didn’t see it that way—Andi was certain she didn’t—but she couldn’t change how she felt within herself. All she could do was be honest, be upfront, and Rachel could take it or leave it. The decision was hers alone.

“That’s very sweet of you to say, but you and I both know that’s not true.” Rachel turned to Andi, taking her hand. “I spend my days sitting down to dinner with people just like you. I sit, I listen, I try to guide other women through their troubles. Personally, I think you’ve come a long way, but you and I both know you’re not ready to even contemplate a love life.”

“Then…why do I feel different when I’m with you?” Andi hadn’t meant to speak that out loud, but it was out there now. “Why does this feel natural and…like it could potentially go somewhere?”

“I think you need company. A friend.”

“I have friends, Rachel. I have plenty of friends.” Andi offered a pathetic smile. It was true; she had more friends than she could count. But none of them made her feel the way Rachel did. “I know this is probably quite a surprise to you, it is to me in many ways, but I’ve always been honest. So, here I am, doing exactly that.”

Rachel studied every inch of Andi’s face, her eyes narrowed. “What is it that you see when you look at me? What is it that…you want?”

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