Page 66 of Study You

Finn had a feeling Gillian would say that. She understood; of course she did, but it didn’t make it feel any less shit. Finn was learning that none of this could be simple, even if Gillian did want to date Finn. “R-right.”

“I have a long career at the university. I’ve never so much as stepped a foot out of line. I…don’t know what to do.”

Finn exhaled a long, slow breath. “You do nothing. I told you I wouldn’t risk your career, and I meant that. It doesn’t matter how much I want you, how much I wish I could be with you; I won’t put you in that position.” Finn knew all about the people who claimed the professor was in the position of power, but Finn was twenty-six, she knew what she wanted, and Gillian had done nothing ‘of power’ when it came to any of this. Finn was aware of her concerns, and she had been the one to keep coming back for more. “I hate that, but your career means everything to you.”

“So, where do we go from here?” Gillian’s voice broke, surprising Finn. Just when she thought Gillian was going to throw in the towel, it seemed not. “Tell me how we figure this out, Finn.”

Finn lowered her eyes, aware that they held tears of her own. She really didn’t want Gillian to see this side of her. “I don’t know.” Finn’s voice trembled. She swallowed down the emotion, unable to meet Gillian’s eyes. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

Gillian reached out a hand and lifted Finn’s chin. That gentle touch—something she rarely felt from Gillian—had the lump in her throat growing by the second. “Hey, please don’t be upset.”

“I’m sorry.” Finn took her bottom lip between her teeth to keep it from trembling. Tonight had felt so good, and now it was turning to shit again. “I wish I’d never enrolled. I wish I’d met you somewhere else and known who you were so I could avoid this situation. I wish…I wish it could be different.” Finn sniffled, running a hand down her face. “You’d lose your job, wouldn’t you?”

Gillian lowered her hand from Finn’s chin. “Potentially. Probably. The consequences are always far more severe for the lecturer rather than the student. Which is understandable.”

“Then I guess it’s settled. You told me all along that we couldn’t do this, and you were right. Maybe I knew that deep down. Maybe I just didn’t want to face it. But you were right all along, and I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you worry about your job. So sorry.”

“There have been moments when I wondered what would happen if someone caught us, but mostly, I just enjoy being with you. I can’t help that feeling, and I’m starting to realise that.”

“Me, too.” Finn lifted Gillian’s hand and kissed it. “Maybe we could…be friends? I don’t know.” That was the most ridiculous thing Finn could have ever said. She’d seen this woman naked. She’d fucked Gillian until she couldn’t take it anymore. How the hell could they be friends?

“You want to be friends?” Gillian sounded as ridiculous as Finn had saying that. “Really?”

Finn rubbed at her forearm and lifted a shoulder. “I guess I could try. It probably wouldn’t last, I think I’d find it too difficult, but I’d try…for you.”

Gillian lifted her legs from Finn’s lap and shifted closer. “Maybe we should just hold our horses here in terms of any decision-making.”

“O…kay.” Finn stared at Gillian. She was going to need more before she even thought about anything else. “I mean, it seems pretty straightforward to me, but what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that we’re capable of keeping this off-campus. I’m thinking that I’m not sure I’m ready for this to end.” Gillian palmed Finn’s thighs as she sat forward and drew her into a kiss. Finn felt her smiling against her lips, sending her pulse sky-high. “I’m thinking that we can be very careful and…try this out. After your final semester this year, I won’t be teaching you again. The university won’t like that we’re dating, but…if you’d be happy to keep us a secret until then, I will tell them I’m in a relationship with you.”

Finn swallowed, gazing into Gillian’s deep brown eyes. “Y-you’re serious? That would be allowed?” Finn’s pulse thundered in her ears. It was…possible? “A-and you want to give me a chance?”

“Maybe,” Gillian said, smirking. Then she closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to Finn’s. “Definitely.”

“Wow. Okay.” Finn stroked a thumb across Gillian’s bottom lip, taken aback by everything she was saying. “Y-you mean that?”

“Oh, I mean it.”

Finn urged Gillian back on the couch, slipping her hands up Gillian’s hoodie. Nothing felt greater than her skin against Finn’s hands. “You always feel so fucking good,” Finn spoke between kisses. “And if you’re okay with this, then I’m more than okay with it. Just…talk to me if you’re worried, okay? I know a secret relationship isn’t ideal, I’m not sure how I feel about it yet, but if you have any doubts, then please communicate that with me.”

“You mean too much to me to let go of at this point, Finn. I’m sorry if I’m not quite in the right frame of mind some days, but I can admit to that. I can say right now that being with you recently has been the greatest pleasure of my life.”

“Yeah?” Finn smiled as she pulled back, her blonde hair flopping forward and over her eyes. “You’re sure I’m worth all of this for you?”

“We keep a low profile at the moment. Let me get my bearings. Then…I don’t know what the next step is, but we can work it out together. Because, like you, I don’t know how I feel about a secret relationship right now. Willingly lying isn’t what I thought my future looked like…but it won’t be forever.”

Finn got to her feet and pulled Gillian up with her. Their bodies collided in the most delicious of ways, Gillian’s hands roaming Finn’s hips beneath her shirt. “Then I’m going to need you to do something for me,” Finn whispered as she inched her mouth towards Gillian’s ear. She heard Gillian’s breathing falter, one hand slipping down the front of Finn’s jeans. “F-fuck.” Those slender fingers teased Finn’s clit, her legs weak. “I-I need you to go into the bedroom and undress for me.”

“Oh yeah?” Gillian moaned. “And then what?”

“And then you’re all mine. Every last inch of you. Tonight…” Finn pulled back and held Gillian’s jaw gently. “I’m going to show you exactly what you mean to me.”

Chapter 22

Gillian lay naked on her bed, feeling far more exposed than she ever had around Finn. Actually, far more than she had around anyone in the past. This certainly wasn’t something Dave would have demanded from her. To bare all, emotionally and physically. No, he preferred to bottle things up while expecting the very same from Gillian. But Finn… Oh she was something entirely different. Not only had she managed to open Gillian up out in the living room, but Gillian hadn’t batted an eyelid as Finn undressed her just moments ago and guided her to the bed.

Now, here she rested, unsure as to what Finn’s next move would be. Sex between them had always been so raw and, often, emotionless. At least, that’s what they’d been telling themselves for so long, but this felt different. The atmosphere in the room was calm. Finn had lit candles in certain areas, and as Gillian lifted her head and caught sight of Finn…she found her removing various objects from her rucksack.

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