Page 65 of Study You

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Oh, this had to be the most perfect night Finn had ever found herself a part of. Takeout containers were strewn across Gillian’s coffee table, the radio was playing throwback classics, and Gillian had her legs resting over Finn’s lap. Sheer. Perfection.

The night and the woman.

“Do you have any ideas for decorating when it comes to the house?” It may seem a boring conversation, but Finn had come across a fourth bedroom earlier today and had a plan for it. One she hoped she could keep to herself until completion. “It’s a huge place.”

“I have some colour schemes in mind. Nothing set in stone, though.” Gillian lay her head back when Finn slowly massaged her thighs. It wasn’t sexual—for a change—but Finn’s way of de-stressing the gorgeous woman she was spending the evening with. She pressed her thumbs to the spot above Gillian’s knee, smiling when Gillian relaxed entirely. “If you keep doing that, I’m going to invite you over every night.”

Finn shifted, situating herself in a better position to continue. “Then I’d better make sure I’m good.”

Gillian lifted her head and grinned. “Thanks for dinner. I’m glad you chose to do exceptional rather than mediocre.”

“Me, too. I don’t eat Greek food often, so I really enjoyed it.”

“You got it spot on. Greek is my favourite.” Gillian placed a hand on Finn’s, stopping her movements. Finn could only gaze back in astonishment. Was she really here…with Gillian…just relaxing and talking? Fuck. Yeah, she was. “Really, thank you, Finn.”

Finn felt herself almost blushing as Gillian stared back at her. But she didn’t care if her cheeks did redden. Jan had opened Finn’s eyes today, and she wanted to be sure she had truly tried before she gave up on Gillian. If that meant being open about her emotions, her feelings, then so be it. “You’re welcome.”

“How are things at home?”

Interesting. Gillian rarely asked about Finn’s personal life. That was surely a step in the right direction. “My mum actually agreed to try out a care agency on Monday night. I think she’s realised that I just can’t manage as much as I am. She was really great about it, too. Said it’s time for me to have a life.”

“I’m glad she had that realisation. You’re young, and while I know you have a heart of gold and would do anything for her, you do need your own time and space.”

“It’s felt quite freeing. I’ll still be there for her, but it gives me some time to have a life outside of the house. The chance to breathe and not worry about finding time to do other things. My own things. I know my dad is a drunk and a pain in the arse, but he’s really good with her when he’s awake and not hammered.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that. It’s one thing to have to take care of your mum, but I’m sure you feel as though you’re taking care of your dad, too.”

Finn snorted. Hell would freeze over before she ‘took care’ of him. “Nope. He does what he wants, and if he lands face-first in the hallway, that’s not my problem. I’ve stepped over him before today.”

Gillian laughed. “Well, that’s understandable.”

“We don’t get along very well. Never have. We clash, and I don’t have the patience for him and his bullshit. His wife is stuck in a bed, his daughter put her own life on hold…and he just stands at the end of a bar sinking pints day in, day out.”

“Do you think maybe it’s his way of dealing with your mum’s health issues?”

“No. He’s been an alcoholic for years. Since I was a kid. Long before Mum started to become ill.”

Gillian nodded slowly, her eyes soft. “Well, you know you have a space here with me whenever you need to get out of the house for a while. Okay?”

Finn squeezed Gillian’s thigh, and then she took her hand and entwined their fingers. “I appreciate that, but I don’t know what’s going on here, Gillian. I’m here because I want to be, but that’s all I know.”

Gillian lifted Finn’s hand, tracing a fingertip over the tattoo there. She focused on it, refusing to make eye contact with Finn. She didn’t like to show her vulnerable side, but Finn hoped Gillian knew she could show it when she felt comfortable enough to do so. “Life has been rough for me in the last year. I didn’t cope very well when I left my ex-husband. Now that things are looking up, I guess I’m finding it hard to understand how. It wasn’t great. You know, the decision to leave him.”

Finn nodded, giving Gillian the space to be open.

“I don’t love him, it’s not about that, I just…don’t understand how anyone—especially you—could have any interest in me at all beyond sex.”

Wow. That lack of confidence Gillian sometimes expressed was painful to witness. This woman had so much to give, so much life inside of her…why wouldn’t Finn want more than just sex? Still, judging by the conversation she’d had with Jan earlier, those little comments Gillian made on occasion were starting to make sense.

“We don’t have to know all the answers right away. And we don’t have to try to figure them out either. Though, I will say that I am interested in you way beyond the sex. I hope you believe that.” For the first time in over a week, Finn felt as though they were getting somewhere. “But ultimately, what matters to me is that you’re comfortable with this. Us…like this.”

“God, I am.” Gillian toyed with Finn’s fingertips, smiling. “I didn’t think I would be, I probably shouldn’t be, but I am.”

“What…are the rules around us dating?” Finn asked, aware that she was probably jumping the gun. “I know we’re not, but what are the rules?”

“It’s not prohibited, but it’s also not encouraged. It becomes very complicated if I’m dating a student of mine rather than just a student of the university.”

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