Page 51 of Study You

“It’s nothing. I’m just not having a great day so far. Which says a lot, considering it’s only…” Gillian eyed the clock. “9:04.”

Jan sighed. “So, take me up on that offer and join me for dinner. With Finn.”

Gillian didn’t need this today. She didn’t need it any day. Jan liked to push; she liked to be on the same page as Gillian at any given opportunity, but today just wasn’t ideal for her. She didn’t want to have the conversation she knew she’d come to have eventually. Right now, she wanted to go home and lock the door. “I’m going to say this, and then I don’t want to hear any more about it, okay?”

“O…kay.”

“Finn and I have ended things. So, while your offer of dinner is lovely, it simply isn’t possible. Now, I have a job to do and some slides to finish before my lecture. Is there anything else you need?”

“N-no.” Jan spoke low. “I’ll call you in a few days, okay?”

“Okay. Bye.” Gillian lowered her phone to the desk and braced her hands against the cool wood. She hadn’t intended to be so harsh with Jan, her tone was quite obvious, but Gillian hadn’t given herself a moment to process any of this.

Finn…wanted something more.

With her nostrils flared, Gillian clenched her jaw and fought back the tears burning her eyes. She never cried. She hadn’t come across a single tear when Dave destroyed their marriage. She had just been numb. But this, with Finn? Gillian had spent most of yesterday plucking tissues from any box she could find.

God, Finn was in too deep.

Gillian didn’t know how to feel about that. Mostly because she hadn’t thought it possible. Handsome Finn. Confident Finn. All of Finn…was interested in Gillian? It didn’t make sense. It didn’t matter how many times Gillian played it over in her mind; it didn’t make any sense at all. Finn could have anyone, especially someone far younger, but she wanted Gillian?

She barked a laugh as she stood upright. It was going to take a long moment to understand any of this. Only…it didn’t matter what came of her understanding it.

Finn was still her student.

* * *

Hidden away at the back of the lecture theatre, Finn sunk low in her seat, tapping her pen against her chin. She had never felt so awkward before. It didn’t matter how much she’d tried to hide last week; this room had the seats built up on an incline…so she still had the perfect view of Gillian. It was like the universe wanted to torture her. Not for a day or two, but forever. That’s certainly how it felt as Finn had approached the lecture theatre on this cold Monday afternoon.

You tortured yourself the moment you got involved with your professor!

Finn had to applaud Gillian, though. She was ever the professional. That made everything easier here—on campus—but it didn’t help Finn in her quest to forget Gillian. She felt as though she needed answers. Something more definite. Once she had said goodbye to Gillian last week, Finn quickly realised that Gillian hadn’t really had much to say about her outpouring. Yes, she’d thanked her for being honest, but that was about as deep as it had gone on Gillian’s part. Perhaps she was shocked…maybe she just didn’t care. You know she cares. She left that room in tears. Still…

She had listened.

Then left.

But not before she’d kissed Finn and left her wanting more. If Finn concentrated hard enough, she could feel Gillian’s lips against her own as they’d shared that last kiss. The faint hint of red wine. The smeared red lipstick as Finn looked in the mirror before bed. Gillian’s hands as they’d gripped Finn’s upper arms.

“Will you keep your bloody leg still!” Deena whisper-yelled. “It’s like sitting next to my seven-year-old.”

Finn side-eyed Deena, one side of her lip curled up in a snarl. “Sorry, Mum!”

“Are you okay? You seem really tense.”

Tense? Oh, Finn was far more than tense. Her head was up her arse, sleeping at night was difficult, and the thought of stomaching something more than a light breakfast each morning was impossible. Still… “How would you know if I was tense? You don’t even know me.”

Deena leaned in, nudging Finn’s shoulder. “Because it feels like you’re so on edge that you’re making me tense with you.”

Fuck. Finn needed to sort herself out. This twitching and leg shaking was a mixture of longing, arousal, and not knowing where she stood with Gillian. They may have ended, but Finn wanted to know how Gillian felt.

Still, she wouldn’t ask. Finn had allowed her heart to become involved, so she would respect Gillian’s decision to not want that kind of relationship…and let it go. Answers or not, she had to let it go.

“Sorry. I just have a lot on. I’m still recovering from my birthday weekend. Which says a lot since that was over a week ago.” Finn lied, aware that there was far more going on. But she couldn’t exactly tell Deena that. “I’ll keep the twitching to a minimum.”

Deena smiled as she nodded. “It’s fine. I just wanted to make you aware of it. If you need to talk, I’m around all day.”

Huh. Could Finn talk to Deena? She didn’t have to give any specifics when it came to Gillian. “You know what, I’d love to grab a coffee before the seminar if that’s okay?”

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