Page 52 of Study You

“Sure. Let’s do that. And you can tell me all about your birthday weekend.”

A birthday weekend Finn had initially adored…and now one she wanted to never think about again. “Yeah. It was okay. Nothing to write home about.”

* * *

Finn strode into the cafeteria, her eyes landing on Deena as soon as she made it to the middle of the room. Two cups of coffee sat on the table, a smile also waiting for her. Finn wasn’t in the habit of discussing her personal life with mere acquaintances, but she did appreciate Deena’s offer. It beat having nobody at all to talk to. And Deena seemed kinda cool, the type of person Finn would probably be friends with. So, why not test that out and see what came of this?

“Hey. I was going to get the coffee. To apologise for all that leg shaking.” Finn hung her satchel over the back of the chair next to Deena and sunk down into it. “But thanks.”

“Are you sure coffee is a good idea, given how jittery you are?” Deena grinned, shaking her head. “You’re always so laid-back. What’s going on?”

“Just…personal life, you know?” Finn almost said relationship, then remembered it had been nothing of the kind. “Someone I was seeing.”

“Oh.” Deena’s brows rose, her pale green eyes soft as she ruffled her blonde hair. “Didn’t go as planned?”

“Debatable, really. It wasn’t ever anything exclusive. I knew that from the start. But we get attached, don’t we? Even when we know we shouldn’t.” Finn puffed out her cheeks. “So, I guess it did go as planned on her end, just not mine. She never wanted anything more than hooking up, and that’s all we ended up doing.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been there, and it’s rough. Was it going on for long?”

Finn laughed. “I’m going to say no. It started before Christmas, and then it kinda died down. But we met up just before my birthday and spent most of our time together for a few days. It was pretty intense.” Those days…Finn would always look back fondly on them. She held no anger towards Gillian at all. She just hoped she went on to find someone that was right for her. She deserved that.

“The intense ones are the worst.” Deena rubbed her thumb against the handle of her cup. “I’m still having trouble with my ex now. He was the most intense I’ve ever come across, but not in a good way. Not like what I’m assuming you had.”

“What we had was…I can’t really explain it. Explosive. The connection was so there, but she’s not looking for that…and I thought I wasn’t either, until I was. You know?” Finn rested her elbows on the table, leaning in and lowering her voice. Finn wanted to come across as coping, even if she wasn’t. “Was your ex…abusive?”

Deena nodded, scoffing lightly.

“Ah, fuck. I’m sorry.” Finn placed a hand on Deena’s wrist. “Are you safe?”

“I think so. I hope so. He drops off and then reappears when I least expect it. That’s why I had to leave the bar on your birthday. I’m sorry. He turned up while my babysitter was there. Said he wasn’t leaving and he’d look after the kids. I don’t want him in my house, so I had to go home. He’s never been abusive with the children, but I don’t trust him. I can’t trust him.”

“You don’t have to explain.”

Deena lifted a shoulder. “I was hoping we could be friends. You seem to keep yourself to yourself, and I’m the same. I thought maybe having some kind of friendship would have been good for me, you know? He never liked that, so I didn’t go out of my way to have friends. Before I left him, I rarely left the house. That’s why I’m doing university in my mid-thirties.”

“We can be friends. Of course.”

“The kids are at my mum’s a couple of nights a week and every other weekend. She takes them to give me a break and…because she knows what he’s like.”

“It sounds to me like you have a great mum.”

Deena smiled. “I do. Are you close with your family?”

Oh, that was a question and a half. “Immediate family, or?”

“Whatever you consider family, Finn.”

“As you know, I look after my mum. My dad is a drunk. I have a few cousins I talk to on occasion, but that’s about it. I’m a loner.”

“Hey, sometimes being a loner isn’t the worst idea in the world. When we’re comfortable alone, life is much easier.”

Amen to that. “You’re right. I guess I’m just not cut out for too big of a circle. I’ve tried, it just doesn’t work out for me. And as I’m really beginning to realise…I’m not relationship material to most people.”

“Did you…want it to turn into a relationship? Did you ever hint at that?”

“Nah. It wasn’t what she wanted from the outset. And I went into it knowing that. So, I only have myself to blame. If I hadn’t chased her, I wouldn’t be feeling a little bit out of sorts.”

“Things will turn around for you, Finn. You seem like a lovely person, so I have faith that things will look up for you.”

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