Page 48 of Study You

This was it. The end of the greatest time of her life.

She crossed the room and opened the door. Gillian stood out in the corridor looking as gorgeous as ever—sexy, too—but Finn lowered her eyes and refused to let her head rule her heart on this. “Hi. Come in.”

“Thank you. I didn’t think you were going to respond to me.”

“I…wasn’t,” Finn said, approaching the window. “But then I remembered that you deserve more than that.”

Gillian placed her clutch bag on the bed and sighed. “Finn, I’m sorry about earlier in the bar. I didn’t mean to upset you, and I didn’t mean for you to leave so suddenly.”

Finn frowned. When had Gillian upset her? “I don’t understand.”

“I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did to a simple kiss on the cheek.”

“Oh.” Finn smiled. She hadn’t even thought about that since she’d come here. “It’s fine. I didn’t leave because of that. You were right to remind me that it wasn’t in the rules.”

“Please don’t say that.” Gillian took it upon herself to sit down on the bed, smoothing out the sheet next to her. “Come and sit down.”

Finn hesitated, but then she looked into Gillian’s eyes and knew they needed to do this. Even if Gillian didn’t know what was about to come out of Finn’s mouth, she, herself, had things to say. But first… “I know I told you I wanted you to stay the night, but I don’t have much with me. I probably disappointed you before when I didn’t push to take care of you too, and I know I owe you for that…but, like, I don’t have my strap and stuff with me.”

Gillian’s brows rose at that, but Finn got it.

“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have invited you here knowing I wasn’t prepared. I know what you’re into, and I only ever wanted to give you what you want.”

“Finn.”

“I…can’t see you anymore.” Those words almost didn’t make it out of Finn’s mouth. As she said them, the tightest lump lodged in her throat. “You’ve been amazing. I don’t imagine I’ll meet anyone like you in the future, but I have to stop this now.”

“R-right.” Gillian stared down at the floor, the confidence she usually exuded not present. “Okay.”

“And it’s not you, I swear to God it’s not. This is all me and my own fucked up mind.” Finn sat side on, taking Gillian’s hand. “Can I be completely honest with you? I mean, lay it out there…but do it knowing you’re not just going to tell me things to make me feel better?”

“Of course.”

“All of this changed for me tonight. What we’ve been doing, it changed. How I feel about it changed. You…went down on me.”

Gillian frowned, trying to take her hand back from Finn, but Finn held it tighter. “Finn, it may have been terrible, but we really don’t need to get into it. If that’s all this is about…I can do far better.”

“Terrible? Gillian, it was amazing.”

“Then I’m struggling to understand what the problem is.”

Of course Gillian was. “It’s…not what I do. Usually.”

Gillian shot from the bed, this time dragging her hand from Finn’s. “Hang on! Did…you not consent to me doing that? Did you ask me to stop, and I was so deep in the moment that I ignored you…or…oh, God. Finn, I’m so sorry.” Gillian shook where she stood, fear clouding those deep brown eyes. She brought her hand to her mouth, trembling. “This has all been a terrible mistake. I’m the one in the position of power…and…did I…”

“Hey,” Finn said, getting to her feet and slowly approaching Gillian. She lowered her hand, brought her own hands to Gillian’s neck, and touched their foreheads together. “That is not what I’m saying. I did consent. Please, calm down. Let me explain.”

Gillian closed her eyes, shocking Finn when a tear slipped down her face.

“Please, don’t cry.” Finn didn’t know how to deal with emotions at the best of times. To know Gillian was upset was only making things worse. Maybe she should just continue this and forget about her own reservations. She never wanted to see Gillian crying. Ever. “Hey, please. Come on.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. But please sit back down with me.” Finn dipped her head, smiling when Gillian nodded. This was an entire change to how Finn usually saw Gillian. That confident, sexy professor had been stripped away. She guided Gillian back to the bed and calmed her own mind. “Can I continue?”

“Yes.”

“I…I don’t know the last time that happened. I usually do what you and other women want. I don’t focus on me. I like to know that the partner I’m with is satisfied. That’s always the most important thing. To…look after you. Make sure you feel comfortable and safe with me. To…give you that release you need.” Finn squeezed Gillian’s hand. “And can I just say, it has been the greatest pleasure doing that for you. With you. Knowing you’re happy and satisfied when I leave…it means a lot to me.”

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