Page 47 of Study You

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but Phil?”

“Phil barely notices when I’m in the same room as him these days. Everything is very stale…very routine. But Finn? That woman wants to spend her time with you. She wants to hang on your every word…as you’ve already claimed. And I don’t know, I think maybe she wants something deeper, too.”

“That wasn’t in the agreement.”

Jan rolled her eyes. “Agreement. You’re a middle-aged woman, Gill. Fuck agreements. If you want Finn and she wants you, have her.”

Gillian’s skin tingled at the thought. But she refused to put herself in a situation that would never end well. “And by the way, she doesn’t look at me like anything. You’re deluded.”

“Text her,” Jan said, pushing Gillian’s phone towards her. “Go on, text her. I can bet my life that she’ll agree to see you.”

“And if I don’t want to see her?”

“Then we end this conversation now and move on to my boring love life.”

Gillian exhaled a deep breath. “Then we move on.”

“Okay then. But I have one last thing to say about all of this.” Jan cleared her throat and shifted closer to Gillian. “If you’re not careful, you’re going to lose potentially the best thing that could have happened to you.”

Gillian snorted. “You don’t even know Finn. That’s a very bold claim to make.”

“Maybe it is. But it’s one I stand by.” Jan topped up their wine glasses and side-eyed Gillian. “She’s the first hint of interest you’ve shown towards anything outside of work. She’s the first person to make you smile since…God, long before that shrivelled dick of a husband fucked you over. I may not know her, but I do know that you’re very particular about who you give your time and attention to, so she must be doing something right.”

Jan was right on the money. Finn was doing something right. Actually, she was doing everything right. But she had just walked away and told Gillian she needed space, so there was no point thinking about what could or couldn’t be.

“I’m done with this now. I don’t want to always be the topic of conversation. I’m tired of it.”

“Then do the right thing and just be fucking happy, Gill. You could be gone tomorrow. Any of us could. At least know that when the time comes, you’ve had so much fun that your face hurts from smiling. There are people out there who would give anything for another shot at life…and at love. Don’t be one of those people who come to regret it when they’re old, alone, and miserable.”

Gillian was already beginning to regret all of this. Not Finn, she was magical, but this whole entire situation. While she could understand Jan’s point of view, it wasn’t as simple as just being happy with Finn. Gillian wished it could be, but it simply wasn’t. “If you don’t give it a rest, I’m going to buy a shot tree and force every last one of them down your neck!”

Chapter 16

Finn perched herself on the end of the bed, wringing her hands in her lap. Gillian had sent her a message ten minutes ago asking if she could see her, and Finn didn’t know whether to agree to it or not. Her body still thrummed; her knees trembled if she gave herself a single second to remember her time in the bathroom with Gillian, but her head wasn’t in the right place.

And her heart? Well, that was a complete mess tonight.

Her phone pinged again.

Please, Finn. I just want to see you.

Finn swallowed, craving the very woman who wanted to be here. To see her. To…probably rock her world again. Finn wanted that very same thing, but she’d come back to the hotel tonight and made a tough decision. Before she closed her eyes tonight, she would have ended all of this with Gillian. If she could touch her one more time, Finn would grab that opportunity with both hands, but if she decided to let Gillian into this room, she would lay her cards on the table first.

Agree to see her and put a stop to this.

She hit the reply button and sighed.

I’m at the hotel on the next block from the bar. Room 225. Just come straight up, and I’ll let you in.

There. Sent.

She pulled a tank top on and started to pace back and forth. Finn had gone over the pros and cons of continuing this, but as of tonight, something had changed for her. And it all began with Gillian on her knees in a semi-clean bar bathroom. Her phone dragged her from the very reminder.

Thank you. I’ll be there in a few minutes.

Finn chose not to respond. It wasn’t necessary. But what was necessary was to get all of this right in her head before Gillian knocked on her hotel room door. She had to articulate it in a way that wouldn’t leave Gillian feeling used but also in a way that didn’t leave Gillian feeling terrible. All of this had been mutual; Finn needed Gillian to remember that. It was Finn who was close to breaking the rules, so instead, she chose to break their connection.

She poured a glass of water as there was a light rasp on the door. God, she even loved how Gillian knocked on a fucking door. How sad and pathetic to feel that way. As though this woman could do no wrong in Finn’s eyes. Another reason to end this. Because seeing someone without a single imperfection could only lead to heartache. Nobody was perfect. Not a single soul on this planet.

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