Page 19 of Wishes and Research

At least, I didn’t think I did.

“You want to be held and to feel safe while we talk.” Fraser was very confident and that made it hard to second-guess the situation. “It’s perfectly reasonable and nothing unexpected. It’s also nice because, like I said, I like cuddling.”

He seemed very sure of that and I had to admit he liked to be close when we were standing together. “I…okay, I guess.”

Had I been thinking about sitting on his lap?

Grown men didn’t do that, did they?

Well, at parties where there wasn’t enough seating it would be done…especially after a few drinks, but we hadn’t been drinking…and he had plenty of chairs.

He even had a big chair by his bookshelf where we would both fit.

“I…” Oh.

Chuckling, Fraser didn’t hide how funny he thought I was as he settled me on his lap. “See? It’s fine.”

Somehow he seemed bigger when we were sitting.

“You…you don’t seem stressed.” Not about my weight, at least.

“Oh, you give me the best openings.” Wrapping his arms loosely around me, Fraser kissed my cheek. “But I’m trying to behave, so you have to stop tempting me.”

I was tempting him?

To do what?

No, I wasn’t going to ask that…he might answer it.

“Alright, we’re all set and I’ve already explained how the questions and answers portion of our evening will go. So, please feel free to begin.” He sounded like he was taking things seriously, but his eyes were back to that teasing sparkly-ness that I was coming to learn meant trouble.

This was a terrible idea.

“The…the only places I’ve heard red mentioned in the way you guys use it here and where limits are so clearly laid out is…well, it’s…I’ve seen it on TV.” Ugh. I was not an idiot. I could articulate the question. Maybe. “I just don’t know the right way to phrase my question.”

Wuss.

Fraser’s lips pressed together but then he smiled like I was so cute he didn’t know what to do with me. “I’m so proud of you.”

Well, that wasn’t the reaction I’d been expecting.

“Thank you?” I wasn’t sure that was what I should’ve said, but it made him smile, so I decided not to worry about it. I had enough on my plate without asking for more. “Why, though?”

Might as well ask that part if I already looked stupid.

Fraser gave me another quick peck and chuckled when I huffed and frowned at him. “You explained what you knew and tried to get as much information out as possible, and then when you ran into your own personal limits, you asked for help.”

I had?

Well, that was one way to look at it.

“This isn’t a situation I’ve ever found myself in.” There definitely wasn’t any harm in explaining that. “I’m not sure how to ask what I want to know.”

He was still smiling.

“I’m going to start answering what I think you were asking, but I need you to stop me if I get it wrong, alright?” He waited until I nodded, but once he had my confirmation, he started rubbing my back. “Good.”

I hoped so.

---