Page 16 of Shielding Soledad

“I think I would have liked your mother,” Alex said with a slow smile.

“Yeah, she’d have liked you, too,” I said, feeling my throat tighten. I’d wished so many times in the past months for my mother’s love and guidance, but heart disease had taken her too young. I had very little family and none of it local.

“He has no clue what we’re saying, by the way.” Alex rubbed his hand over Luke’s belly, getting a coo out of the boy. “It’s all about tone of voice at this age.”

“Reading up on baby development?” I questioned, unsurprised because, despite his uncertainty, it was obvious that Alex truly was doing his best by Luke.

“Maybe,” Alex admitted, his eyes on Luke.

“See? You’re good father material after all. So good, as a matter of fact, that I’ve found time to paint my toenails,” I gestured to the bright red polish, “and that was after I took care of my latest round of bookkeeping for Mandy and Carolyn and post a couple of updates to my blog—because you do your share and more.” After that initial few weeks when I hadn’t had a minute to focus on anything but Luke, I’d gotten back into more of my usual routine, including reviewing more books and adding content about upcoming festivals and links to balloon races, and I’d seen an uptick in traffic as a result.

“I’m glad for you,” he said as he played with Luke, getting the baby to grasp his finger.

Alex and Luke were naturals together. It was a beautiful sight, and I couldn’t take my eyes from the two of them as a sensation of pure happiness overcame me. In this moment I had the life, the family I’d always dreamed of. I wanted to hang on to it and make it last. Over the past days, I’d gone back and forth about my feelings for Alex. Our kiss had rocked me, but that was physical. It was the conversation with Mandy, Lily, and Carolyn that I couldn’t get out of my head, because they’d understood my struggles and gave me hope. They’d both gotten their SEALs to settle down with them, and they seemed blissfully content.

Was it really impossible for me to have the same? Because I wanted it, more than I’d let myself admit until now.

If life could be like this… I sighed.

“What?” Alex asked, looking up at me.

“Nothing,” I said, unable to confess what was in my heart. “It’s just a beautiful day.”

He gave a brief nod of agreement, his eyes on my face, before turning his attention back to Luke. I greedily took in the scene, storing it away in my memory. I had no idea how many more moments like this I’d get before things changed between us.

8

SOLEDAD

“Can I get you anything while I’m out?” Alex asked one morning a few days later. “I’m running over to Zach’s house.”

He didn’t have to tell me where he was going, but it was nice that he did. It was almost as if we were in a relationship again. The tension had dropped away from our interactions, and a measure of flirtation had taken its place.

“I’m good,” I answered, lifting Luke to my shoulder and rubbing his back to soothe him. “Will you be long?”

“Not too long,” he said, his blue eyes on me. “Engage the security system after I leave.”

“I will. And I won’t talk to strangers either,” I teased. He’d been adamant about locking doors and windows and setting the alarm, especially when Luke and I were in the house without him. He’d never seemed overly concerned about that sort of thing in the past, but we hadn’t lived together then. Not long before our breakup, I had harbored the hope that he’d want me to move in. I’d even considered asking him to move to my duplex, but I’d known he would refuse.

That would have been too much for him—too confining, too much of a commitment for a man who refused to let himself become attached. I almost chuckled. Alex was attached now. To Luke, at least, despite the concerns he’d expressed about being a father. Maybe he was even a little attached to me because of our circumstances.

“There have been some break-ins in the neighborhood,” Alex said. “I’m just being cautious.”

Break-ins? That was news to me. Gina hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort when we spoke just the day before. Gina usually knew all the gossip. And crime was pretty rare in Springwell. It was the kind of town where plenty of people didn’t even bother locking their doors. Carolyn had gone through something scary a while back when her store was robbed, but it turned out that that had been a setup—the thief had been hired by someone who wanted revenge against her. I couldn’t think of any other robbery I’d heard of in the time since then. But then, it wasn’t as if I was dialed in to everything that happened at the police station. If I remembered right, one or two of the guys in Alex’s regular poker game were on the police force. Maybe he’d heard about it from them. It was a simple enough thing to lock up and wasn’t worth arguing about.

“I promise to be careful, too. After all, we have something precious to protect,” I said, my hand smoothing over Luke’s thick, dark hair.

“We do.” Alex stepped closer. He touched Luke’s back before leaning to kiss him on the cheek. The movement brought him close enough that I could smell his crisp, clean scent and see the dark stubble on his chin. Oh, how I wanted to touch him, run my finger along his jaw, and feel the soft scrape of his beard. It would have been the most natural thing in the world for us to move closer still. For a second, our eyes met over Luke’s head, and I thought Alex might take advantage of our proximity and kiss me.

I swallowed hard, teetering between leaning in to encourage him and turning my head to break the moment. Before I could make up my mind, Alex touched me lightly on the back of my neck under my ponytail. It was almost a caress, but it was over too soon. And then he was gone, out the front door. I heard his truck start and saw it pull away from the house through the large front window.

“Well, baby, it’s just us,” I said to Luke as I keyed in the code to set the security system. “Just us,” I repeated, letting the words sink in. Their meaning erased some of the happy vibes the intimate moment had stimulated in me. Just us might be mine and Luke’s existence soon, I acknowledged. Who knew when Alex would leave on another mission? He’d said nothing to me about his future as a SEAL, but I’d been with him long enough to know that the job came first. Or, at least, it always had.

“Maybe you do now.” I spoke to the now-sleeping baby. “Not me, though.” I huffed out a sigh, reminding myself that he’d made me no promises about what came next, other than to assure me that he’d be involved in Luke’s life. Which was good. Exactly what should happen between father and son. But knowing that I was never going to be the top priority in Alex’s life hurt more than a little.

I’d been having fun flirting with him and didn’t want to see that end. But it would, and sooner than I wanted it to. Damn that family curse, I grumbled as I gently placed Luke in the portable crib we kept in the living room. I wasn’t going to get what I wanted with Alex, but at least if he stayed in our lives as Luke’s father, as I thought he would, I’d be miles ahead of my mother’s situation, not to mention my aunt’s and cousin’s. I sank down on the couch feeling a little doomed, but I only let that last a minute before I forced myself to my feet. I had gotten through a pregnancy that involved losing my job and my home without anyone’s help. I really could do anything.

But I wanted…

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