"This is hard for me but maybe you are right. You did go through a lot, and you were mistreated before, but I wish you could see I mean only good things for you. I wish you would trust me like I trust you."
We stand there staring at each other until we kiss again, and he picks me up and takes me to the couch. We continue kissing but it doesn't go beyond that, and I am thankful.
I sleep at his place for the first time, and survive the night.
The next few days, I try to give him a little more. Try to put in effort with the communication and updating him like he does me. We spend evenings either at his place or mine after we finish with all the work for the day.
We don't sleep in each other's place again, but it is becoming, I guess, a relationship. Sexless as it may be but it's better than before.
On Thursday, we have a date planned and I come back early to prepare. He is taking me to a comedy show and it'll be nice to do something normal. Walking out of the shower, I towel dry my hair. Wanting to let it air dry a bit as I pick an outfit. Contemplating whether to fuck it all up and wear heels or if that's too much.
I decide there isn't such a thing as too much slaying and I hardly get to wear my heels. I'm mostly in sneakers.
Outfit decided, I do my hair, tying it up top and incorporating a headscarf, my curls spilling out on top. I apply my makeup and get dressed.
I am putting in all the effort. I don't know why I'm trying so hard, but I need to try, I know I do. Maybe it's that I don't want to fail. Don't want this relationship to fail.
With the guys, I just let the motions take me away and I fell deep in love with no abandon. I thought it was it for me. I really thought they were my forever. So maybe this time I need to be more cautious. Try another strategy.
When I'm ready, I sit to text Logan, but a loud knock makes me jump, and I put my phone back in my pocket.
What the fuck?
I answer, finding Caleb looking like a mess.
"What's wrong?"
"It's Arch."
"What happened?"
"He collapsed."
Shooting out the door, I follow him without question.
14
AIRPLANE MODE
Summer
"What's wrong with him, Caleb?"
Tears burn the back of my eyes, but I don't want to cry.
"He collapsed at the house."
"Why? Is he sick? Did he have an episode?"
He doesn't answer immediately, and it makes me go into hyper-worry.
"He wasn't feeling too good last night, vomiting and he hasn't been sleeping."
My mind descends into more worry. What if it's because of me? What if it's my fault?
"Why didn't you guys tell me?"
"You blocked us, remember?"