Page 85 of The Desire

“Fine, fuck off then. Don’t come back until you are ready to apologize and talk about it. Or go stay with your whore but don’t bother ever coming back home if you do. You won’t be welcome!”

The voice I hear from him now is one I don’t like and full of sarcasm but not a piece of humor. “Like you can throw me out of my own house.” He spins and glares at me like there is not one ounce of love left in his body for me.

“Watch me, asshole!” Slamming the door as hard as I can, I gasp for air, dropping to my knees and sobbing uncontrollably.

Curling myself into a ball on the floor, I just repeat to myself over and over. “No, no, no, no.” This can’t be happening. I thought I loved him, but now I don’t know who that man was.

I’m still lying there long after the tears have stopped because there is no more water left. The alarm on my phone starts ringing from my pocket. It’s the one I set so I’m never late to pick up Blaise, only apparently today I’m not needed. My heart starts racing because I need to get upstairs and make sure I look normal for when Blaise gets home. There is no way I want him to panic that anything is wrong. There have been a few times where he gets anxious about Rem if he is late when he says he will be home for dinner or he can’t see me watching him in the park. He was young to lose his mum in the way he did, so it’s completely normal he is still clingy at times.

Standing in front of the mirror and taking one look at myself is the shock I need to make me take a deep breath, pull my shoulders back, and push aside the anguish for the moment. I have a little boy who needs me. And no man gets to make me feel like that. The longer I stand giving myself the pep talk, there is a nagging feeling in my gut that something just doesn’t add up. Rem didn’t deny he’s been with Cherie, but the way he spoke to me was like I was the disappointment. It doesn’t make sense, and a man like that would just own it if he had been caught out. He doesn’t owe me anything. After all, I’m just his nanny, and he could have just told me to leave for speaking to him like that. The timing would have been difficult with the Flynn saga, but he would have sorted it. Instead, he left me in his house, the one he has told me how much it has now become a home since Blaise and I arrived. But more importantly, he left Blaise, his son, the little boy who has stolen his heart, here with me and didn’t seem one bit worried about it, giving both of us space to process this mess.

Nothing makes sense, and I know what I need to do.

I am going to regret it, I already know that, but I can’t do this on my own anymore.

I splash my face with some cold water, drying my eyes and putting on a bit of light makeup to cover the dark circles and puffy eyes from Blaise. That little boy is so gentle and in tune with others that if I don’t glam up a bit, he will be asking questions.

Then I push the button on my phone and call in the cavalry, knowing that she’ll be happy to charge in with all guns blazing.

“Hi, sorry to bother you when I know you are so busy, but can you come over tonight? I need to chat.”

“You okay?” And that is why I love my friend. No matter what is happening in her life, she is always worrying about others.

“Yeah, sort of. Just need a girls’ night, it’s been a while.”

“Girls’ night. Fuck, yeah, that’s exactly what I need too,” Tori yells into the phone. “What time, and I’ll bring the food, wine, and is it a full-fare girls’ night that requires copious amounts of chocolate?”

“Is that even a question? How long have you known me? It’s in the by-laws of girls’ night that there must be chocolate for every meeting. Geez, you move on to caviar and champagne and forget where you came from.” As much as my heart is so heavy, my stomach rolling and the tightness in my chest feeling like an elephant is sitting on it, Tori can still make me laugh.

“My apologies, I’ll make up for that and bring your favorite dinner. A roast from the pub on Georgian Street. With extra pumpkin and lots of gravy.” Both of us giggle at the ridiculousness of our conversation, but it’s made me feel stronger knowing I just need to get through this afternoon, put Blaise to bed, and then I can finally let my walls fall.

The chocolate is for me, but I know I’m going to need it to calm Tori down once I drop this bombshell on her.

The next hour was awful when Rem walked Blaise to the door, greeted me with a nod, and then left while I stood there just trying to get a read on him. My brain is trying to fathom what the hell happened today and who the man is, that no matter what I’m feeling, I still love deeply and am not ready to let go. Until he stands and looks me in the eye, admitting that he screwed a hooker and has been cheating on me this whole time, I can’t walk away from him. There has to be more to this that I’m just not seeing and for some reason he’s not telling me.

Blaise was full of conversation about his day and a new little boy, Jules, who started at the preschool in his class today. I know children his age can pick up a language quickly, but it truly has surprised me the speed his English has come along. I never knew his mother, but of course his father is a very intelligent man, except not when it comes to women and relationships it seems.

Thankfully, because he had such a big day at preschool, Blaise was out like a light at seven o’clock, and by the time Tori came through the door at seven-thirty with her arms full of dinner, alcohol, and chocolate, I was so hungry because I still hadn’t eaten. I have to say it was the best-tasting roast I have had for a long time. Everyone has a list of comfort foods, and a roast beef dinner is at the top for me. My mum’s will always be number one, but this one runs a close second.

Clearing up from dinner, Tori pours us both a big glass of red wine, grabs the bag that’s overflowing with Maltesers, Orange Twirls, which are my favorite, and Kit Kats, with of course several different-flavored blocks of Cadbury. This woman is on to me that something is going on, because there is about a week’s worth in this bag.

My heart is pounding, and for the last forty-five minutes, I have been trying to work out how to start this conversation, but as I take a deep breath and am about to open my mouth and start, Tori looks at me with a wicked grin.

“Right, now what the fuck is going on between you and Remington?” There is no anger, just her straight-shooting voice.

My mouth drops open wider, and all I can manage to say is, “How did…”

“Never mind, and yes, you’re in trouble, but we will work that out later. Right now, I just want to know, who fucked it up and how are we going to fix it?”

Falling into her arms, I thank the universe for the day Tori walked into my life.

My tears are falling and I’m laughing at the same time. “Of course, you knew. I’m so stupid.”

“Well, who else would have put that huge hickey on your neck in Scotland that you tried so hard to hide? I doubt it was the horny ghost you told me about.”

I love my best friend, full stop, end of story.

Chapter Nineteen

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