Page 84 of The Desire

I sit up straight in the seat and the blanket slides off me onto the floor as I’m battling to pull Tori back from going for a full-blown Elouise makeover that she’s been nagging me to do for months.

“Mm-hmm, whatever you say. You are aware that I know all your measurements, right?” Her giggle tells me I’m trying to row up the river without a paddle.

“You are ridiculous. You can buy what you like, but you can’t make me wear it. I’m going to be wearing my big white granny undies and a full big bra with not one piece of lace or color on it.”

“Why are you being like this? Come on, let me help you, and I guarantee you will walk out of the charity auction Friday night with first prize. And just think, when you are married and having kids, you won’t need to worry when they get sick. Daddy can get up in the middle of the night when they are puking everywhere. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Seriously, Tori, have you been drinking today?” No matter what, she still makes me laugh.

“No, you should know this is what happens when they give me too much coffee. I should stick to the tea I love, but they figured I needed some energy to get through the day. I’m sure they are regretting that decision now.” Both of us laugh together because I’ve seen what too much caffeine or alcohol does to Tori. One makes her hyperactive and the other gives us crazy Tori, the one we need to look after before she gets herself into trouble. Thank God that’s now Nic’s problem, not mine.

“Oh, shit, I have to go, Nic’s trying to call me. Talk later, and don’t you dare think about backing out of this. I’ll drag you there kicking and screaming if I have to. Bye.”

Sitting in silence with the phone still in my hand, I can’t help but laugh. Picturing Tori here, me in my old gym pants and my favorite big baggy sweater, with the pocket at the front and a hood I hide inside if I want to just take a moment to myself. Tori trying to lift me onto her shoulder and carry me out of here, dressed like that, and not caring as long as she gets me to the stupid dinner.

Looking at my watch, I have another hour before I’m due to pick up Blaise, and I should probably eat something. I skipped breakfast this morning, and it’s past lunchtime. I just couldn’t stomach anything and wasn’t at all hungry, but now I’m starting to feel like I need something to fuel me to get through an afternoon and night with an energetic four-year-old.

Standing and then dragging my feet toward the kitchen, I hear the front gate opening and the sound of the Porsche pulling up to the front of the house.

My body is frozen still from anxiety. I don’t know if I should continue to the kitchen so I’m busy doing something or run to the room that is supposed to be my bedroom and hide, but before I can get my legs to move, the decision is taken out of my hands. The front door swings open, and standing there looking at me is Rem. Instead of bursting into tears, which was my first thought the moment I heard his car, the anger from this morning comes roaring to the surface, and I walk toward him with purpose, yelling at him.

“Who the fuck is Cherie and why were you visiting her in a brothel!” I ram my hand into his chest with the full force of the emotions I’m feeling right now.

“Whoa. What the fuck are you talking about!” Rem has my hand in his and pushes me away from him. Slamming the front door behind him, he drops his bag on the floor.

“Bedroom now! We need to talk!” His voice is annoyingly calm but still firm.

“Bedroom? Not a chance. I’m not talking in there. You can start explaining yourself right here, right now.” I stand my ground, well, I try to, until he grabs my hand and starts pulling me into the living room. He pushes me down into one of the couches and sits down next to me. He grabs my legs and spins me to the side so we are facing each other and there is no hiding.

“Fine, we start talking here, but I will be finishing this conversation in the bedroom with you naked and forgetting whatever it is you are pissed at me for. Because I can assure you that whatever you think you know or saw, it is the furthest it can possibly be from me visiting a brothel.” How the hell does he do that? Curb his emotions enough that he speaks clearly, states his point, but makes sure you understand he isn’t happy with you. I can’t seem to manage the same as the screaming comes from my lips again.

“I had no idea what was happening, then you turn up here, looking like shit which, I get from the night you must have had, but then you treat me like crap, refuse to talk to me, and take off like a lunatic in the car, telling me you are going to see some woman I have never heard of.”

The lines on his forehead are tight, his lips in a straight line, but he holds his tongue, waiting for me to get it all out.

“That’s not normal, you have never treated me like that, ever! I was pissed, so pissed, and decided if you wanted to act like an asshole then I’d follow you and show you what it’s like. Everyone thinks I’m this meek and mild teacher, well, guess what. You back me into a corner, and I’ll come at you like the biggest bitch. I’m not weak, I have more strength than any of you realize. But then I saw you walk into that brothel, and my heart broke into a million pieces. How could you?” Leaning forward, I thump him in the chest again. “What does she have that I don’t? You promised me that it was just us, only us.”

The anger is being overtaken now by tears, and I can’t breathe.

“I was ready to fight for you… but in that one moment you threw us away, and I don’t know what to do with that.”

My vision is blurred from the tears, but I don’t need perfect vision to see how furious Rem is with all I’m saying.

Trying to fill my lungs with air is difficult, but Rem looks like he is breathing like a freight train, and the nagging thought that has been plaguing me all day finally falls from my lips.

“Is that where you have been all the times you left the house, at odd times of night and whenever things got awkward? Instead of dealing with it, you just run to some trashy whore to make it all better?” And now the sob that I’ve been holding in all day comes out, and I can’t control it. All I want is for him to tell me it’s not true and take me in his arms, but instead, he just stands slowly, taking a step backward, putting distance between us.

The only sound in the room is me crying, and then Rem takes a deep breath and starts speaking.

“You know me. Think about it deep down, who I truly am. I can’t even find words to talk to you now. I’ll pick up Blaise and drop him back here so you don’t have to go out. That should give you time to pull yourself together. I’ll stay at the hotel for a few nights. I need space to process all that.”

He walks away from me for the second time today and still hasn’t told me a thing.

“What the hell? I haven’t done anything wrong, and yet you are treating me like I’m the problem. Is this what you do when it gets hard, run away? Back to her!” Jumping up from the couch, I follow him to the door. I’m getting sick of only seeing the back of him.

Rem stops with his hand on the front door handle, about to open it. Not even bothering to turn and look at me, his words have no emotion and cut me like a knife. “That’s the irony of all this, Elouise. For the first time, I don’t need to go back to Cherie. The only person that I thought I needed was you… but now I’m not so sure.”

Opening the door, he starts stepping out, and I’m not letting him have the last say.

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