Page 58 of The Desire

It’s a longing that I’ve told myself from the beginning I’m not allowed to feel when it comes to him.

“Your castle awaits you, my queen,” Rem says beside me, and I have to say it’s the worst Scottish accent I have ever heard before, as he waves his other free hand in front of me, gesturing me to move toward the door.

“Oh, I have graduated from a princess to becoming the queen, how noble of you.” I step away from him to stop the warmth that was almost burning his handprint on my back with the heat he is conjuring up in me.

I move toward the large old solid door that Rem opens with the quintessential skeleton key that you’d imagine from early last century.

“They may as well have just left the door open,” Rem grumbles, not surprisingly unhappy with the lack of security here.

“Maybe the men in Scotland are too busy trying to keep their kilts down in a breeze to be breaking into castles. They are protecting their crown jewels.” I try so hard not to let the laughter out as he glares at me.

“What? I thought that was pretty funny…” I’m still waiting for his answer, but from the look on his face, his sense of humor is not with him today. “Or not.” I shrug and walk past him and into the foyer at the entrance of the castle.

It’s not like I was picturing, with a big entryway and some grand staircase that takes you to the upper levels. Instead, it has a small receiving area, and then there is a staircase to the right heading upstairs. The houses and castles of the centuries past that we see in all the historical romance movies are usually based in London where grandeur was a status symbol. Here in Scotland the castles where probably more practical; smaller rooms are easier to heat in the colder months, and maybe they were more worried about hunting trips than the big balls that the English seemed to attend constantly. To be honest, I don’t know much about the Scottish history, and what I’m thinking in my head is actually a load of crap I’m making up, but it will give me something to concentrate on learning over the next few days.

“Don’t move from here until I’ve done a quick sweep of the place. Sit on that chair and don’t even think about following me. Yell loudly if you need me.”

Rem places our suitcases down in the foyer. I can tell he is torn about leaving me on my own or taking me with him into unknown danger.

I mean, seriously, it’s just an old place that nobody cares about. It’s not like there are some drug dealers or the Scottish mafia operating out of the upstairs rooms. Is that even a thing? Mafia in Scotland? I really need to put a lid on my overactive imagination.

I can hear him stomping around upstairs, going from room to room, making sure it’s safe. Although it’s probably not necessary, it’s kind of sexy.

I wonder how fast I could get him back down those stairs by screaming his name out nice and loudly. It would be funny to see, but also pretty mean too. Knowing my luck, he would fall from running so fast and break his leg or something on the steps, and then I would feel like an idiot. It’s a prank that Tori and I would definitely pull on each other, but in these circumstances, it’s probably not that funny.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Rem it is that he takes his protection of me seriously, and I love how that feels, so I need to respect that.

Looking around me, I feel so out of my depth. This is not my style, to be whisked off for some trip on a private jet and staying with Rem who won’t let me pay for a thing. That in itself has been hard to get used to the last few months. It’s still a shock to see my bank account constantly growing from week to week, because I’m not spending a single penny. Because when I’m not with Rem, I’m out somewhere with Tori, and she won’t let me pay for anything either.

Part of me is a little pissed off that they won’t let me stand on my own two feet. Before money came into Tori’s life, we did just fine as two women who were making their way in the world, sharing the bills and buying each other little treats as we went along. But now with Nic’s fortune that seems to have dragged us all into the wealth bubble, I feel like everyone looks at me as the poor person in the group that they all need to look after.

I mean, I appreciate the love that comes with that, but it still makes me feel like I don’t fit in this circle. And I know it’s only me that looks at myself like that, and they would be annoyed if they knew how it made me feel, but it’s who I am. I don’t ever want to have to rely on anyone.

My mum raised me to be an independent woman, and as much as I have three brothers who think I need them, she taught me to show them I didn’t. Forging my own way in this world is what I want and what I need.

It’s beautiful to be loved and protected but not smothered by either.

Thankfully my family knows my boundaries and respects them. I just need to get my friends to understand the same boundaries.

I watch Rem come back down the staircase and hear every step creak with his weight and the age of the timber. I’m guessing there would be no sneaking out at night as a teenager living in this house. Not even saying a word, he walks past me and in and out of the downstairs rooms now too. Walking back toward me, he looks satisfied with himself.

“All clear, you can start to explore now,” he says as he is replying to something on his phone and stands back for me to walk past him.

He truly is preoccupied today.

I start wandering into the first room on the right side of the hallway and am transported back in time to the period of the décor. There is color everywhere. A large sitting room with multiple single and double seats with carved wooden legs and tapestry cloth on the seat and back. There’s a mixture of glass and wood coffee and side tables which I can picture many pots and cups of tea being served on and enjoyed by guests. A window seat with a padded cushion on the seat and two floral pillows on each end standing against the wall. I can picture myself curling up there with a good book, a cup of tea, and the open fire crackling away; it’s very tempting. The dreams of any reader.

The walls are pear green, and the floor is carpeted in an old-looking patterned carpet, a navy color with different flowers all over it. Very old-worldly, but it suits the room.

“Well, it looks like someone vomited color in here.” Rem’s voice behind me startles me, and I let out a little squeak.

“Stop it. I’m sure the owners were trying to stay traditional to an earlier era. Just because you are a man who doesn’t like any fuss in his decorating, that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate other people’s work,” I say, while thinking to myself that although this might be in period with the early years of the castle, I’m not sure they hit the mark with it. He has a point, but I won’t admit that to him.

“Well, if Nic buys this, then I can’t wait to see Tori let loose. I’m sure she can’t do any worse than this,” Rem says, stepping level with me, and I can’t help but turn and give him a friendly slap on the arm for his comments.

“I’ll tell her that you think her design skills are just one level up from shit. I’m sure she will love to hear that.” I walk back out of the room as I hear him laughing behind me, knowing full well that would be like waving a red flag to a bull for Tori. She might just kill him for that comment. He’s only just earned enough brownie points to be off the bottom of the shit pile with her after the way he acted when he wanted to hire me. Luckily for him, Flynn is always doing something stupid which keeps him on the bottom of the rankings of who is the most annoying.

“Let’s go check out the bedrooms upstairs,” I comment as we head toward the stairs. I hear him groan behind me because both of us are thinking the same thing, I’m sure. Let’s pick ones that are as far as possible away from each other. No point risking temptation when there are thirty different rooms to pick from. Admittedly, most of them are inhabitable, but I’d even consider one of those at this point.

---