Page 93 of Love Lies Bleeding

“What went wrong?”

I glance across at my friend who is patiently waiting to hear my story. “We became us. We went from friends to so much more. I loved him like I’ve never loved anyone and he felt the same way. We’d whisper about our plans for the future, the places we’d go, the things we’d see and then one day, just the day after I finally told him I loved, him he broke my heart.”

“I swear, Cher, if he cheated on you, I’m taking a baseball bat to his balls.”

I laugh at the thought of my beautiful friend going all crazy on Jake but shake my head. “He didn’t cheat. At least not with a girl.”

I go on to tell her exactly what happened, giving her every detail of the break-up that shaped my life. Her hand stays in mine as I give her everything and she never falters.

“Wow, that’s a lot to process.”

“Yeah, I know.”

We sit in silence for a bit, sipping our iced tea and letting the beauty of the garden wash over us.

“Can I ask you something?”

I turn to Lexi and see sadness swimming in her eyes as I nod. “Of course.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Was it because I was a horrible friend, too wrapped up in her own bullshit with Dean to notice?”

“No. God, no. I just… I guess I was ashamed that I’d fallen for his charm and been made into a fool. I just wanted to forget about it and move on.”

“But you didn’t, did you?”

Prickles of discomfort move over my skin, and I hate how much being vulnerable makes me want to run away. Lowering my walls isn’t easy, it never has been. Each event in my life that caused me pain has only reinforced those walls, building them higher and thicker until I became a prisoner behind them, and that’s a lonely place to live.

“No, I didn’t. I can’t explain it, Lex. Me and Jake were so fucking perfect together. He got me. He loved every crazy part of me. No, he loved me because of them and he saw past the bullshit no one else did. He’s the first I cried over after my dad. I was so locked up over his death and after that initial shock, where I cried my heart out in front of my heartbroken mother, I never shed another tear.”

“Why?”

“Because it was my job to make sure my mom was okay and seeing me cry hurt her, so I stopped. Then it was like I’d locked it up too tight and I couldn’t cry.”

“Until Jake.”

“Until Jake,” I agreed.

“You know we all love you, Cher. You don’t need to be strong for us all the time. Friendship and loving someone is about knowing when to lean and when to be strong and you’ve taken on far too much of the strong. I need you to know that shit won’t fly anymore, okay?”

A sob tears past Lexi’s throat and I reach my arms out as tears wet my own eyes, blinking furiously. “Bitch, you made me cry,” I whisper in her ear.

“Good. You deserve it for keeping secrets.”

A watery laugh spills past my throat and I snort. “I deserve a strawberry tart is what I deserve.”

Lexi wipes her eyes and rolls them at me. “Fine, but we aren’t done.”

“Fine. What else do you need to know?”

I get up and follow her to the kitchen where she begins to place the individual desserts on a plate.

“Well, what happens now? Are you and Jake together? Have you forgiven him?”

I laugh, feeling lighter than I have in a long time, the regret for not telling Lexi any of this sooner far outweighed by the relief that I can now talk to her about it.

“I honestly don’t know. We haven’t talked about the future, but he says he loves me.”

“Duh, you’d have to be blind and deaf not to know that. He can’t take his eyes off you whenever you walk in the room.”

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