Page 184 of Staying Selfless

I snap my head in that direction as Carla, the woman from the front desk, quickly makes her way to me, a doctor dressed in scrubs next to her. I urgently tuck my letter from Josie back into my wallet as I hurry to my feet.

“Eli, this is Dr. Ackerman.” She motions to the man standing beside her. “Dr. Ackerman, this is Eli. Logan’s husband.”

God, I love the way that sounds.

Carla puts a gentle hand on my shoulder before she turns away and heads back to the front desk and waiting room.

“Nice to meet you, Eli.” Dr. Ackerman holds his hand out for me to shake.

I put my trembling hand in his, not giving two shits that it’s clammy as hell. I’m nervous as fuck right now. I want to run away, yet also hear every word he has to say.

“So, I have good news and bad news,” he begins.

Fuck. Why do doctors always say it like that?

“The good news is that she doesn’t have any major trauma to her head or brain. She was knocked unconscious from the impact, but it’s just a concussion, nothing permanent.”

Okay, thank god.

“But when we ran a CT scan, we found some internal bleeding from where her seatbelt was resting, around some of her organs in her lower abdomen area. And she has some fairly severe swelling around her kidney. Because she only has one, our top priority is to maintain the health of it. She’s getting prepped for surgery as we speak, so we’re going to go in and address the bleeding and try to relieve the swelling in the area.”

I try to take a breath, but I can’t. There’s no more oxygen in this hallway. My shoulders are tense as I cross my arms over my chest to hide my shaky limbs.

“And the baby?” I somehow ask with trembling words.

Doctor Ackerman adverts his eyes from mine, guilt heavy on his features.

“Eli, you’ve got to realize where she’s experiencing the internal trauma right now.”

I do know. I just need him to tell me the words out loud.

I stay silent, forcing him to elaborate.

“We haven’t checked for a heartbeat yet, but she’s only eight weeks in utero, and her body is working awfully hard right now, which is not a conducive environment for a fetus to survive in. My first and utmost priority is saving your wife.”

I stay frozen in place, my feet rooted to the ground. My fingertips digging so far into my palms, I wouldn’t be surprised if I broke the skin.

“I need to get into surgery, but I’ll update you as soon as I can. We are doing everything we can for her.” Dr. Ackerman adds a reassuring pat on my shoulder before he ducks down the hall in the opposite direction from where he came.

Eight weeks.

She’s eight weeks along. Or rather, she was eight weeks along.

Senior Showcase was eight weeks ago. Chicago was eight weeks ago. We made love that night because she was missing her family and unknowingly created a new one.

I’ve wanted to be a dad since I realized Logan was the one for me, and here I am, getting my dream and probably losing it all in the same night.

How can it hurt so bad? I only found out about this child a few hours ago.

But the dream I want more than anything is to spend my life with Logan, and now I don’t know if I’ll get that either.

“Son,” my dad calls out.

I turn to see him jog down the hall towards me, his face ghostly white, just as scared as I am right now.

He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into him, which causes me to suck in a shaky breath as I try to keep it together. I’m on the verge of a breakdown, but I’m worried if I start again that I won’t stop.

I stay standing still, frozen in place as the man I trust more than anyone holds me like a child.

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