Page 160 of Becoming Selfish

“You’re okay...fuck...you’re okay, though?” he asks, needing the confirmation.

I could not love this guy more. He’s doing everything he can to keep it slow for me, and the only thing he’s concerned about is how I am. I didn’t know he was who I was waiting for, but I feel so lucky to be this comfortable with him and love this man as much as I do.

“Yeah,” I gasp as he pushes into me again. “I’m good.” I kiss his damp forehead just to reassure him. Even though it’s still uncomfortable, I want him to enjoy this and not worry about me.

I never expected to feel pleasure my first time, and I don’t. Not sexually, anyway. But I absolutely love watching Eli unravel from finally being inside of me.

“Fuck,” he groans, his eyes rolling back. “You feel so fucking good, Logan.” He takes the hand that was interlocked with mine and wraps it behind my back, curving around my waist, anchoring himself as he holds onto my hip.

He continues his movements, every once in a while placing a kiss on my skin or throwing out a curse word caused by the sensation.

The mixture of his hips meeting mine and the rain pelting against the windows outside causes a heavenly combination to overtake me as I let myself get lost in this moment and enjoy watching him this way. I knew I needed to trust someone to allow myself to completely let go, and I couldn’t trust anybody more than I do, Eli.

“I’m so close,” he says, but I could already tell, due to his short breaths and contracting muscles. “I love you so much, Logan.”

Even though I thought I wasn’t going to say it in the heat of things, to lessen the dramatic effect of it all, maybe he needs to hear the words right now, and I sure as hell feel them, so why not share.

“I love you too, Eli.” I run my hands through his unruly hair, holding onto the back of his neck.

He moans at my words as his head falls to my neck with a few more thrusts until his entire body tightens and jerks, my name falling from his lips with a couple of breathy ‘fucks’ thrown in there too.

I could watch this over and over, Eli coming undone from being with me, and I fully plan to.

His hot, heaving body falls on top of mine as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him to me while he catches his breath.

“Fucking hell,” he says into my nape, causing me to laugh.

Eli lies on me for quite some time, his warm body pressing me into the mattress as I hold him in my arms and stroke his wet hair with my fingers. Eventually, he leans up and places his soft lips on mine.

“Are you okay?” he gently asks with concern.

I give him a nod with a smile.

His lips linger on mine as he slowly pulls out of me, causing me to wince from the sudden emptiness. It’s plenty wet down there, and I’m not sure if it’s from my arousal or if I bled, but I don’t want to find out just yet. Either way, it’s fine. I highly doubt that Eli is going to give a shit if I got blood on his sheets.

He quickly discards the used condom before sliding back into bed and pulling the covers over our naked bodies. Putting his arm under me, he rolls me onto his body, so I’m lying on top of him with my head on his chest, but the swift movement causes me to whimper against him.

“Shit. Did I hurt you? I was trying so hard not to hurt you.” Eli lifts his head to look at me with concern.

“I’m just a bit sore. I’ll be alright.”

He strokes my back with his fingertips and plays with my hair as we bask in the moment together. I could lay like this all night, wrapped up with my man, but I’m also starving and need to pee.

“Baby?”

“Yeah?” Eli quickly asks.

“I’m hungry.”

“Thank god,” he says, his body shaking with laughter. “I’m fucking starving, but I didn’t want to rush you and ruin our romantic moment.”

“Pasta is romantic,” I tell him. “Pasta, and bread, and butter.”

“I love when you talk dirty to me.”

I very slowly and cautiously peel myself off Eli’s lean, muscular body, looking to the sheets next to me as I do. Surprisingly there isn’t any blood, but I guess everyone’s first time is different.

I make it to the bathroom with a bit of a limp before I quickly pee and wash my hands in the sink. When I look up in the mirror, I can’t help the smile from creeping across my lips.

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