Page 159 of Becoming Selfish

“Why are you nervous?”

“Because I’ve never done this before,” he shyly admits, his warm eyes peering down at mine.

I know what he’s referring to, so I don’t need him to clarify. He’s never been with someone he cares about before. It’s always just been about fucking random girls for him. Suddenly, I don’t feel so afraid, knowing this is a first for both of us, just in different ways.

“Don’t be nervous, baby. It’s us. There’s nothing to be nervous about when it comes to us.” A smile overtakes his lips as I repeat his earlier words.

“I love you,” he says, his words immediately relaxing me.

Chapter 72

Logan

Eli slips his tattooed arm behind me, between my back and the bed, his hand gripping my shoulder from behind. His erection glides across my pelvic bone as he lifts himself a few inches above me. My entire body tightens from the sensation, knowing exactly what is about to happen.

“Baby,” Eli softly says. “You have to relax. It’s going to hurt like a bitch if you don’t relax.”

I let out a nervous laugh. “Thanks, babe. That’s really going to help me to calm down,” I tell him with sarcasm, which only causes him to laugh with me.

I’m glad he’s laughing. I’m glad I’m laughing. I just want us to be ourselves right now, and if joking around helps with that, then I’m all for it.

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles as he bends down and kisses my lips. “Here.” He leans his body on mine, using his free hand to wrap one of my arms around his back. “Hold onto me.”

I wrap my arms around Eli’s back, under his arms, holding onto his shoulder blades.

He bends down and kisses my tattoo as his fingers circle my clit. He kisses his way up my neck, across my cheek, until his lips make contact with mine, instantly settling me. Eli grips his length as he leans up a bit, rubbing himself over my bundle of nerves and silently telling me what is about to happen.

He lines himself up with my center and very slowly pushes into me.

The pressure takes my breath away as my mouth gapes, but I keep my eyes open, looking at Eli. His mouth falls open from the sensation, and his eyes flutter, but he keeps his gaze locked on me. It’s borderline unbearable, and he’s not even in all the way, but I’m trying not to tense up and make things worse.

My fingers dig into the flesh of his back, trying to relieve the pain as Eli continues to push himself into me, filling me and stretching me, but I know he’s attempting to be as gentle as he can.

“Fuck,” he breaths out on an exhale.

Once he’s fully inside of me, he drops his head to the side of mine, both of our chests rapidly rising and falling. His fingertips are digging into the top of my shoulder, and I can tell he’s trying to hold himself back.

My eyes screw shut once he’s no longer looking at me as I try to adjust to the feeling of him being inside of me. Biting my lower lip, I attempt to work through the foreign discomfort. Eli stays still, giving me time to adjust.

“Logan, you okay?” Eli asks as his breath tickles the skin of my neck.

I don’t think I can speak just yet, so I nod my head against him.

He lifts his face to look at me, his brown eyes searching mine, trying to make sure I’m alright. I don’t want him to worry about me, I can do this, so I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. As our mouths explore each other’s, Eli pulls back and slowly presses into me again. My eyes squeeze close from the sting as he gently thrusts into me.

Keeping our lips connected helps distract me from the uncomfortable feeling. Eli’s fingers continue to dig into the back of my shoulder as he keeps his tempo slow. I squeeze his back every time his hips grind down into mine, and as difficult as it is, I try to stay relaxed. He pulls his lips away to look at me once again as he continues to slowly pump inside of me.

He looks like he wants to lose control, but he’s trying so hard to keep it slow. His lips alternate from being gaped open and him biting down on them as he attempts to stay gentle with me. His breathing is strained and ragged, uneven and short. Even with his slow pace, I’ve never seen him like this, and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing his reaction to being with me.

With each thrust and heavy pant, the discomfort is lessening. I feel like I need to move a bit and adjust, so I bend one of my knees on the side of Eli’s body. When he notices this, he grabs the back of my thigh and uses it as an anchor, pressing it into my chest with each slow drive. He takes his arm from behind my back and laces his fingers with mine, holding our hands next to our heads, pressed into the mattress, as his gaped mouth lingers above me.

“Talk to me, Logan,” he moans. I realize now that I have yet to say a word since he entered me, but I finally feel like I can speak.

I’m not really one to talk dirty, and I don’t think that’s what he’s asking for. I’m pretty positive he wants me to speak so he can make sure that I’m alright. I’m also not going to be that girl that continually says, ‘I love you’ while losing her virginity. Even though it’s true, that just seems a little intense in an already overwhelming experience. I don’t want to make tonight some big romantic show. I want to keep things as light as possible and enjoy it as much as I can. So, I decide to try to lighten the mood instead.

“How was your day?” I ask, the words a bit strained as they leave my mouth, wincing as he pushes into me again.

Eli’s forehead drops to my chest in laughter. “I fucking love you,” he says between laughs and heavy breaths. He leans up and kisses my smiling lips with his. “A lot better...right now,” he adds, struggling to get the words out between thrusts.

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