Page 95 of I Love My Mistake

JESSICA

Chapter Forty-Two

I’m stunned.

“Iwas making a joke!”

Amber looks at me like she’s never seen stupid up this close. “Yeah, because those are going really well tonight.”

Ouch. My stomach twists hard. Both my best friends are pissed as hell at me. It’s not my fault Nicole shot her tongue down Michael’s throat. It’s not my fault she told Mark goodbye. She didn’t have to do that! She could have gone off with him that night, if she really wanted to. She’s a grown woman – she can do what she wants. She made the choice!

But I know I’m lying to myself.

I know this is really all my fault. I know I didn’t give her a choice with Mark. Not really. And I may have acted – I can’t say for sure – like a crazy child, but who wouldn’t do the same if they saw their best friend with a man they’d had inside them less than two months ago? That was not a recipe for rational behavior. Give me a fucking break! Am I right?!!

I know all too well what Nicole is feeling – she’s engulfed in desperate helplessness. I know it because I was heart-shattered, too. I know exactly what it feels like to grab for anything that will make the pain go away. Hell, that’s how I met Mark! I was just lucky it was Mark on the other end of that sex ad and not some psychopath.

But Nicole? Not so lucky. And all because of me. Dammit! Confessing I know this is my fault… to Amber? Well that just ain’t gonna happen. I bite my tongue and turn back just as Nicole breaks away from the most primal kiss I’ve ever seen.

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