Page 13 of Pieces of Us

My pulse is beating as fast as a hummingbird as I sag against my car. I’m in no state to drive with all this frenetic emotion zipping through my body. Jangling my keys and bouncing on the spot is how Lily and Rome find me.

‘I’ve done so well to avoid them.’ I slump into Rome’s arms while Lily embraces me from behind.

‘We know, honey. For what it’s worth, he looks tortured every time he sees you.’ Rome’s statement shocks me.

I frown in confusion. ‘I don’t know about that.’ I don’t dare divulge the heinous things I overheard in the bathroom earlier. At this point, I don’t know what to believe, but nothing would surprise me.

Lily shrugs. ‘It’s true. I dunno how to explain it, but it’s like he knows he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, ruining what you two had.’

‘There’s no way, and even if there’s a smidgen of a chance he does feel like that, I could never take him back. I don’t even care how much of a strain it puts on our dads, who are stuck in the middle.’ I’m grateful for Rome’s cuddle, as if he’s proud of me.

‘I bet that’s awkward as fuck. Does your daddy need someone to lean on during this hard time?’ Lily jokes, batting her lashes. There’s no denying that she has the hots for my dad. It’s gross, and most of the time I ignore her. Rolling my eyes, she can tell I am unamused.

‘Dad’s fine. Both he and Uncle Jacob are livid at what Linc’s done. It’s a walk in the park at my home. I can’t really tell you the shit Linc would be in at his home. Uncle Jacob told Dad he’s been freezing him out and won’t let Billie in the house.’

‘Sucked in!’ Rome laughs, bringing a smile to my face.

‘Can we just go? I don’t want to bump into them, and I’m feeling a little light-headed,’ I groan, knowing I haven’t eaten all day. I have an appetising assortment of cucumbers, carrots and celery awaiting me when I get home.

As the school year drags on, I spend less time hating him and more time missing him. Missing the connection we had—or the one I thought we had.

My obsession with perfection continues. My sole focus is firmly on shedding kilos and sculpting myself to be someone who isn’t the ‘fat’ or ‘frumpy’ girl. I’ve dropped a significant amount of weight already, but you can’t tell, since I insist on layering my clothes. Sometimes I can feel myself spiralling into my addiction, like when I accidentally came across a local Facebook Group calling Billie and Linc ‘The next Instafamous couple’. I was so worked up, I didn’t realise I’d been running on the treadmill for an hour.

Uncle Jacob comes to our house regularly, but Dad still refuses to step foot in theirs as a staunch supporter of his baby girl, whose heart is broken. At first, things were awkward with Uncle Jacob, but he too is a pappa bear where I am concerned.

I hadn’t realised he was over until I hear them playing pool in our games room. Hiding in the kitchen, I try to make myself as invisible as possible.

I hear a pool cue collide with the billiards. ‘I still think he’s in love with Amity, Mark. This thing with Billie is just lust. His hormones are taking over. If Amity gave him a second chance, I’m telling you, he’d choose her,’ Uncle Jacob insists.

‘Jake. Stop. No. Don’t get me wrong, Linc is like a son to me, but I still want to throttle him for what he’s done,’ Dad defends.

‘I’m not saying I don’t like Billie. I think she’s sweet, and she obviously cares deeply for Linc. I just don’t think she’s his soulmate like Amity is. From what I know, Billie has always sort of been waiting in the background for her chance, and feelings developed.’ That statement tells me all I need to know. I am replaceable. I can’t bear to hear more, so I begin to sneak away, until Uncle Jake slices me with his words. ‘I didn’t know this, but Billie said she was his first. I overheard her talking to one of her girlfriends. I don’t know if it’s true, but she said it. I always thought he and Amity lost it to each other. I just don’t want this to get back to Amity, so I wanted to tell you first, in case it is true.’

A clink of a glass hits the wooden surface of the table. ‘Jesus, Jake. Enough. I don’t want to think about my baby girl doing…that. What does it matter, anyway?’ he huffs.

‘I think Linc is slowly giving up on Amity. He admitted to me the other day that she won’t even give him the time of day. He’s ready to give his whole heart away to someone who actually wants it.’

‘Let him. Amity has made her choice. Of course, I wish they were still together, but they’re not. He screwed up. My baby girl’s heart was collateral damage. You know the hell I’ve been through, trying to get her back to her normal self. How worried I’ve been. I need you to stop. Stop trying to force them back together. We’re ending this conversation now. Amity is due back any minute from the gym, and I don’t want her hearing any of this. She’s come too far. She’s laughing and smiling again. She’s healthy, and I think she’s almost back to her old self. Please don’t stuff that up for her,’ Dad pleads.

The revelation that I wasn’t his first makes me sick. I always assumed we were each other’s, and that it was something sacred and precious we shared together. Never did I imagine how much of a viper Billie was, and how callous Linc could be in keeping this from me. I don’t know if it’s true, but I am inclined to believe it is, along with every other lie they have ever told me.

Rivulets of sweat slide down my body. I’m not only overheated and exhausted from my workout, but my body is vibrating in vicious distress. Scrambling away, I make it to my room barely and sob into my sheets. It’s only when I hear a faint knock on my door that I realise that someone else is hearing me, too. Dad.

A deep sigh leaves his lips. ‘Baby. Please stop crying.’ He pulls the doona back so he can see my face, but I wish he hadn’t, because when I look at him, all I see is sorrow.

‘Just when I think I’m okay, he breaks me all over again,’ I hiccup. ‘I heard what Uncle Jacob told you,’ I confess.

‘Come here.’ Dad opens his arms and I fly into them without hesitation. I need his strength to keep me going. He strokes my hair, shushing me in a soothing way. As much as I love Mum, I’ll always be a daddy’s girl. He’s largely played both roles my whole life. ‘Believe it or not, I was like you when your mum and I decided that we were better as friends. I couldn’t believe that she didn’t love me the way I did her.’ This is the first time he’s opened up about their past to me so candidly.

‘How did you get over her?’ I sniffle.

‘Uh…I don’t think you really want to know,’ he chuckles.

And just like that, I forget about Linc screwing me over. ‘Eww, Dad,’ I grimace, shoving him off me. The thought of him having sex is vomit-inducing.

‘What’s your plans for after your QCE and graduation?’ he enquires. It’s a topic I’ve been avoiding, because my future was always meant to be entwined with Linc’s.

‘I still want to be a journalist. I don’t know if I want to start university straight away. With everything that’s happened this year, I think I need a break, and I was thinking about staying with Mum for a bit.’ I bite my bottom lip, scared to admit that I want to be anywhere but here.

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