Page 1 of Control

CHAPTER 1 - BEDTIME

“ANA!” SAID A voice calling out to me from behind. I turned around and saw the outline of a woman I’d known for some time. Her light skin and dark brown hair was something I’d grown accustomed to since I’d started going to Latchkey, an after school program designed to look after the children of working parents between the time school ended and 5pm or so, the time when most adults were finally off for the day. “Young lady, what did you do to Steven! Why is he crying!”

“Nothing!” I said back to her as she stepped closer to me, her green eyes shielded by black, thick-framed glasses staring down into my own. “I saw you take that game in your hands from him. Why did you do that?”

“Because I want to play with it,” I said, holding the tiny chessboard to my chest and pouting. “He knows I like this one. That’s why he went for it. He’s being greedy, Ms. Montgomery!”

“No,” she said while reaching out and taking the game from me. As she did, the pieces which were trapped inside the thick game board spilled out onto the floor, scattering everywhere. Black and white pieces - pawns, knights, rooks, queens - ended up all over the floor which pushed Ms. Montgomery to sigh. She knelt down in front of me, her sneakers making an audible squeak and the chessboard making a light clacking sound as she set it down on the floor. “Ana, you need to help me pick this up.”

I stared at hew for a few seconds as she reached down to pick up the pieces from white and gray tiled floor of the cafeteria where all of the Latchkey children were kept. Unfolding the thick, brown chessboard, Ms Montgomery began placing the various pieces back inside where they were normally kept so they wouldn’t get lost.

“Ana,” she said to me again, a touch of aggravation in her voice. “Help me. Now.” With a huff, I got down on my knees, my small sneakers also making the same squeaking noise that hers did. My long, black hair which my mother normally kept up in a ponytail fell loosely down around my face, nearly touching the floor. I’d earlier taken my hair tie out and kept it on my wrist since the ponytail my mother helped me set each morning before school was often very tight. It wasn’t unusual that I’d pull it out and let my long locks go wild by the time 4th period came around. With each game piece I picked up, I grew somewhat miffed and casually tossed them toward the chessboard, not really caring if it made it inside or not. Ms. Montgomery noticed. “Ana.”

“I’m doing it,” I said curtly, aggravated by having to do something I felt wasn’t really my fault. After all, Steven knew I liked playing Chess and that was the only reason he wanted the game. He wanted to keep it from me as he had other games at other times. It was as if he watched me and saw what I was enjoying and purposely decided he wanted the game for himself not so he could play, but more so that I couldn’t.

Ms. Montgomery took a deep breath as she finished gathering up the pieces from the floor, doing her best to deal with my bratty and obnoxious behavior. Once all the pieces were back in the foldable chessboard, she closed it and secured the latch on it and stood up. I stood up with her. She towered above me, standing 5’7” while my tiny, ten year old body struggled to keep up with the growth spurts of the rest of my classmates. I was small, about 4 feet tall and lightweight since I’d often forget to eat since I always managed to keep myself busy either in school or at home and in the neighborhood where I grew up. Steven walked up to the two of us, looking to secure the chessboard so he could keep it from me. Ms. Montgomery, unaware of my his ruse, handed the board to him much to my dismay. He turned and trotted off back to his group of friends so they could play.

“Wait!” I said, annoyed that Steven was allowed to take the game back from me. “That’s not fair!”

“Stop,” Ms. Montgomery said to me. “He got the game first so he gets to play with it first. You know the rules, Ana. First come, first serve.”

“But miss,” I said, attempting to argue with her. “He doesn’t really want it. He just wants it so I can’t play with it.”

“Young lady,” she said to me, putting her hand up. “You don’t know that.” I knew he did. He’d told me he was going to do as much earlier in the day during class. “Maybe he really does want to play. Maybe he likes it as much as you do.”

“No,” I said, uncertain of how else to argue my point with her. I turned to walk away from her, my hair whipping around behind.

“Hey,” she said, locking her fingers onto my tiny, almost frail arm to stop me. She held me for a few seconds, slowly letting her hand slide down until it reached my own. I turned around once more to look at her with a sour expression on my face. I felt annoyed and defeated because Steven had managed to outmaneuver me that day. “Ana, you need to understand something.”

“What?” I said with a sassy tone. “That Steven’s a jerk?”

“No,” she said to me in a calming voice. “You have to understand.” Ms. Montgomery pulled me closer, causing my body to turn and face her. “Sometimes even though we know we might be right, things don’t always work out the way they should. Sometimes you can do everything right and still not get what you want. I know it’s unfair and you’d be right to think that. But sometimes all we can do is grin and bear it.”

“Why?” I said, the sass from my voice dropping and giving way to exasperation. “Why does he get to have it. He knows that’s my favorite game! He’s only doing it to keep it from me.”

“Ana,” she said to me, once more in that sweet and caring voice she used to always use to get me to calm down. “Sometimes in order to keep ourselves from getting too stressed, we have to let some things go. I know it’s not always fair. I know you feel cheated. But sometimes it’s better to just let things be. Some fights you’ll find yourself in may not be worth fighting. You need to know when to walk away.” I looked down to my shoe tops, a few light scuffs dirtying the white and purple materials and making them look older than the were. I thought as hard as a ten year old could about what Ms. Montgomery had just said to me.

“But how will I know?” I asked her, looking back up past her ruby red lips and to her bright and caring eyes.

“You’ll know,” she said to me, offering me a kind smile and cupping both of my hands in hers. She looked down to them and looked them over, their size almost laughably small compared to hers. “Your hands. Look at them.” I looked down to them as she asked, not knowing what she was trying to say. “Our hands are more than just another part of our body. The things we do with them can define who were are and who we may become. Sometimes in life, you’ll want to ball them up into fists, use them as weapons. You might have to do that some day. But other times instead of making fists and putting them up in front of you, offer them instead. Open your hands and offer to help someone.” I tried my best to understand her words. Some of it was making sense, but I know some of it also went over my head, my ten year old mind not quite ready to grasp the concepts she was offering to me. “So tiny!”

“I know,” I said, opening my hands up and displaying my palms for her. “My brothers always tell me I’m small. They call me a gnome!” Ms. Montgomery smiled, possibly holding back a laugh.

“Oh Ana,” she said to me, running her fingers across my exposed palms. “Your hands, they may be small but I promise you. They can do such wonderful things. You can use them to build something, create something, help someone in need. They might be small, but they’re your hands, and only you can decide what you do with them.” Ms. Montgomery pulled one of my hands up to her lips and lightly kissed it. “Life can be cruel and unfair sometimes. But ultimately we have to make a choice. We can either be as bitter and cruel as life…or we can choose to be something more. I choose to share the few things I have in my life, be it my time or energy or whatever else I can offer to make someone else’s day a little easier. I choose to be kind. If there’s one thing I could tell you that I hope stays with you through your life, it’s that…in the end, only kindness matters.”

For some reason, even at just ten years old, Ms. Montgomery’s words resonated with me and triggered something inside me. I could feel my heart skip a beat as her words penetrated my mind and dug into my psyche. I could feel some of the hatred and contempt I felt toward Steven begin to slip away. I looked into her eyes and said nothing, wondering if there was something more to them than I’d first realized. A loud crash that sounded like blocks of wood hitting the floor broke me out of my trance and Ms. Montgomery looked back behind her. Looking past her shoulder, I could see that some of the other students had managed to topple over a game of Jenga. Ms. Montgomery looked back at me once more and smiled before turning and walking away to assist in the retrieval of the blocks.

I stood there a moment, watching her walk away from me and toward the other Latchkey kids thinking about what it was she’d said to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted what appeared to be a loose Chess piece that the two of us had missed as we were gathering them all back up. It was lying on its’ side, just underneath one of the cafeteria tables. I walked over and noticed it had situated itself next to the leg. It was one of the queens which was a piece even a beginner would realize was missing. I plucked it up off of the floor and held it in my hand, looking it over and wondering if I should hold onto it to annoy Steven and his friends. After a few seconds, I’d also found myself considering what Ms. Montgomery had just told me.

I found myself walking over to the table where Steven and his friends were playing with the game. The closer I got the more I realized they had no idea how to play. All the pieces were randomly placed around the board in no particular order. Instead of moving the pieces as they should, he and his friends took turns using the kings to knock over the smaller pieces, each of them making a tiny clack each time. The boys Steven was with each laughed as the pieces were knocked over. The queen in my hand, I walked up to them which drew his attention back to me, thinking I was there to start trouble.

“Here,” I said, holding up the queen in my hand. “You’re missing this one. It’s one of the more important pieces.” I set it down on the table beside the board, not wanting to interfere with their “game.” I looked Steven over a moment as well as his friends, looking each of them in the eye as I did. I turned and began to walk away when I heard Steven call to me.

“Ana,” he said. I turned back around to face him, wondering if he was going to offer me a smart remark or laugh at me. “Did you wanna play? You can be this one if you want.” Steven held up the game piece I’d set down on the table for them, holding it out as if offering it to me.”

“It’s OK,’ I said, looking back at him and his friends as they looked me over. “It’s fine. I don’t really wanna be the queen.”

I turned back around and immediately spotted Ms. Montgomery as she stood by the game table. There in her hand raised above her head was another complete game of chess exactly as the first one I’d battled with Steven over. She waved it at me and smiled, beckoning me over to her so we could play a game. I almost raced over to her, but kept my steps to a trot since running in the cafeteria was forbidden. Once by her, she sat me down at a table, opened up the chessboard and allowed all the pieces to spill out. We smiled at each other as we separated the wooden pieces by color so we could set the board.

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