Page 43 of Myself

I don’t hear what he is saying, but her eyes widen, and she gasps, placing her hand over her mouth. I lean over in my chair. “What’s wrong?”

She holds up her free hand and gives me the finger as in to give her a second. “Yes. Of course. I’m on my way.” She hangs up and shoots to her feet. “We have to go.” She starts looking around for our waiter who is already returning to our table with a now fresh glass of Coke. “We need our check, please,” she says in a rush.

“What’s going on, Becca?” The moment the words leave my mouth, my cell rings in my pocket. I pull it out. “It’s Ryder.”

“Answer it,” she demands.

CHAPTER NINE

BECCA

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I make my way into my house on shaky legs. My body still trembling from what Jaycent and I just did in the back seat of his car. My chest is still slick and my panties stuffed in my purse. My skin burns, and my eyes are heavy.

I shut the heavy wooden door with my back and fall to the tiled floor. The room spins, and my limbs are heavy, but I can’t stop smiling. It was better than I could have ever imagined. And afterward, he held me on his lap. He ran his hands through my hair and kissed my face and lips. He couldn’t stop. I didn’t want him to stop. If only I had all night with him ...

I can’t leave him, not like this. Not now that I finally got what I wanted. It was worth that long wait. All those years. I should feel bad that I cheated on Conner, but I don’t. I’m gonna break up with him tomorrow. And then Jaycent and I will go from there. It’s gonna be hard. It’s gonna be a freaking mess with my parents and Ryder, but I’m at the point I just don’t care. It’s my turn to get what I want.

A knock comes on the door, and I jump to my feet. My leg hits the table in the foyer and knocks it over. Glass shatters, but I ignore it as I answer the door with a drunken smile. It falls the moment I see a bleach blonde with blue eyes standing there—Jasmine.

“Jasmine?” I ask in surprise. I look over her shoulder and see nothing but the circle drive and water fountain in the center of the property. “What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to stand on my weak legs.

“I saw you and Jaycent together,” she says, placing her hands on her hips.

“Uh ... I ...” I try to think of something intelligent to say, but I have nothing.

She flips her bleach blond hair over her shoulder. “I understand why he did it. I mean he does pity you.” She laughs. “Who doesn’t.” Her eyes look me up and down, and I close the door a little to shield my body from her. Ashamed and embarrassed.

“I’m sorry ...” I try to say, but my mouth is suddenly dry. “Didn’t you guys break up?” I ask confused. It has been six months since my eighteenth birthday party. And I haven’t seen him much since the kiss in the bathroom on my eighteenth birthday.

She smiles at me as if we’re best friends but doesn’t answer my question. “I just wanted to let you know it won’t happen again.” She places her hands on her belly. “Jaycent is gonna be a dad.”

“What?” I ask, trying to catch my breath. I’m wondering just how much I had to drink and if this is truly happening or if I’m having a nightmare.

“I’m pregnant. Fifteen weeks. And last night, we decided to get married.” Her smile grows. “That’s why I don’t mind that you guys hooked up. ‘Cause once we marry, he’ll be all mine.” And with that, she turns and walks off.

I sit in the passenger seat of Jaycent’s car, and I watch him. Just like I did the night we had sex in the back of his car, but only this time, I’m sober and pissed!

That bitch lied to me! She made me feel like a piece of shit for sleeping with him. I hated myself. And for those next four years, I believed Conner was what I deserved. I had slept with a man who was expecting a baby with another woman. And the fact that I believed her made it worse. I was drunk, and she took my heart, ripped it out, and stomped on it. And now four years later, I realize it could have all been avoided if I had just told him that she had come to visit me.

I bow my head and shake it. “Everything okay, baby?” he asks again, and then his hand is on my lap, grabbing mine. He rests it on my thigh, and I try to smile.

“Yeah,” I lie again, placing my other hand over our joined ones. “It will be,” I say, looking out the passenger window of his car as we pass all the tall buildings.

Right now is not the time to think about Jasmine and her vindictive ways. She’s in the past, and I’ve given her too much thought over the past four years of my life. Right now, Ashlyn deserves all my attention. “She’s got to be mad at me,” I whisper.

“No,” he assures me. “Ryder said they were both okay.”

“Okay? He said that when he walked into the kitchen area, Conner was shoving her.” I shake my head. “I told the woman at the front desk to let him in. It’s my fault.” Ryder had called me and told me what Conner had done. I still feel sick to my stomach.

“It’s not. It’s Conner’s.” He pulls up to the Q’s and comes to a stop at the valet. Before he gets out, he turns to look at me. “This is what drives me nuts about you,” he all but growls.

“What?” I ask with a frown.

He releases my hand as his car door is opened by the valet, but he doesn’t make a move to get out. “You take responsibility for everything he does. For every time he hurts you. Or someone else. You blame yourself. Nothing is your fault. It’s all his.” His light brown eyes bore into mine. “Say it. It’s not my fault.”

I let out a long sigh. “It’s not my fault.” But we both know that was a lie. He is right; I always take responsibility for Conner, but this time, it is my fault.

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