Page 44 of Myself

We make our way up to my and Ashlyn’s apartment. Jaycent holds the door open for me, and I come to a stop as soon as I see Ashlyn. She has a smile on her face as she looks over at my brother in the kitchen grabbing a beer out of the fridge.

“Jaycent?” He gives him a head nod. “Want one?”

“Sure,” he says then looks down at me. “Do you want one?”

“No thanks,” I say and then look back at Ashlyn. Her hair is up in a messy bun and wet. She has a red sucker in her mouth and a dreamy look in her blue eyes. She doesn’t look like someone who just got attacked.

“Are you okay?” I ask, walking over to her.

She finally looks over at me as I come up to her. “Yes.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m so sorry, Ashlyn,” I say as my throat tightens.

“Hey,” she says, pulling me away from her. I quickly brush the tears away before the guys can see them. “I’m fine. I promise. No worries.” She gives me a smile, and I laugh awkwardly. Only she would be this happy after getting into a fight with someone.

We make our way over to the white leather couches. Of course, Ryder and Ashlyn pick one together, leaving me and Jaycent to sit on the other one. I sit all the way to the far right, and he sits to the far left.

They start to tell us what happened, and with every word, I feel worse. What if Ryder hadn’t been here? Then what would have happened to Ashlyn? Could she have stopped him? What if he had killed her? That thought makes bile rise in my throat.

“Where were you?” my brother asks me, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“I was shopping,” I say and then cringe at my own words. I’m a horrible liar. Plus, it’s a little late to be shopping.

“You hate shopping,” he states.

I shrug, trying to think of something to add to the previous lie. “I needed a new dress for your birthday party.” Not a total lie, but I can’t look at him as I say it. I really do need a dress for that, though.

We discuss how security handled it, and Jaycent asks Ryder if they’re gonna press charges. I hate that he says no. Conner deserves to go to jail for what he did to her and my brother.

“You probably shouldn’t stay here.” I look over at Jaycent after he speaks.

What? I open my mouth to speak, but Ryder beats me to it. “I agree. You need to stay at Mom and Dad’s.”

I start to shake my head. Hell no, I will not go there. I was still avoiding my mother’s phone calls after our lunch yesterday. “I’ll be fine here.”

“I guess I could stay here with you ladies,” he says, looking at Ashlyn. I look over at Jaycent in disappointment. How will I get to see him if Ryder’s here with me?

“Why don’t I stay with you?” Ashlyn offers, and I look at her. She gives me a big smile.

“I don’t think ...”

“That’s a great idea,” I say excitedly.

He looks at me and frowns. “Who will stay with you?”

“Jaycent can stay with her,” she says, and my smile widens. I look over at Jaycent, and he scratches the back of his head as if uncomfortable. I know he wants to tell Ryder. He doesn’t like secrets, but I need him to keep this one.

Ryder looks at her; his brown brows pull together in confusion. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he says slowly.

“Babe,” she says, placing her hand on his shirt. “There are four bedrooms in this apartment.” She leans in and says something to him that we can’t hear.

My smile widens, and then he pulls away and looks at me. It falls. I look back and forth between the two of them, hoping she didn’t just tell him anything about us.

“I think Mom’s—” he starts to say.

I grind my teeth, tired of hearing about her. He’s trying to tell me what I need to do, like she always did, and I’m an adult now dammit. “I saw Mom earlier today for lunch,” I interrupt him. “It lasted twenty minutes, Ry.” He sighs as if he already knows what I’m about to say. “All she wanted to do was talk about Conner.” I lie; she only brought him up once. But I’m not gonna tell all of them that I want to start my own business, and she laughed at me.

“Do you mind?” Ry finally asks Jaycent. “If not, I can stay here with them—”

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