Page 42 of Myself

She sniffs again, and I grab her hands in mine. I bring them to my lips and kiss them. “Becca, sleeping with you had nothing to do with pitying you. I did that ‘cause I’d wanted you as much as you wanted me. And Jasmine ... she was never pregnant.” She had lied to her. I’m not surprised. I should have seen the signs that following morning when she couldn’t even look at me. The regret she must have felt.

New tears fall from her eyes. “I spoke to Ryder before I left for Seattle and asked how you were doing. I didn’t wanna call or text you and have her see it. He said you had taken some time off work to get away because you needed some space.”

“I did,” I say with a sigh.

“Why? Did you lose the baby? I’ve never heard you mention a child,” she adds. “I’ve wanted to ask so many times since I’ve returned but was too afraid.”

“No.” I shake my head quickly. She’s not listening to me. “Sit down.” I sigh, and she sits down on the side of the bed. I sit down beside her and turn to face her. “There was never a baby, Becca. Jasmine lied to you. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since we broke up at your eighteenth birthday party.” She frowns. “I did leave because I needed to get away.”

“From what?”

I lick my lips. “Because you broke my heart. For once in my life, I knew what I wanted, and it was you. And you chose Conner over me. A man who repeatedly treated you like nothing. I wanted to treat you like a queen. I couldn’t get over it.”

She sniffs. “I didn’t know.”

I lean in and kiss her soft lips. “I’m so sorry, Becca.”

“Why? I’m the one who pushed you away.”

“I should have fought more. Harder. But maybe it was meant to be this way.”

“How can you say that?” she asks, looking around my room as if for an answer. “We’ve wasted four years.”

I smile. “How can you say that? You got a degree. Now, you have amazing plans for your future. And Ashlyn, you wouldn’t have met her. And now, she’s with your brother. No matter how bad it hurt, I believe everything happens for a reason.” Even I don’t believe what I’m telling her, but I’m trying to make the best of a situation that should have never happened. But it’s too late to change it now. All we can do is move on.

She’s silent for a few long seconds, her eyes looking into mine, before she speaks. “I swear to you on everything that I’m not talking to Conner. And I will change my number tomorrow.”

“I believe you,” I say truthfully, and then my chest tightens. Her mom is paying him, so I’m guessing the bastard is gonna keep showing up. Changing her number won’t make a difference.

“Come here,” I say, pulling her in for a hug. I kiss the top of her head and smile. “So you loved me, huh? Still feel that way now?”

She shoves me away, laughing, and I grab the back of her neck, giving her a long, deep kiss.

She pulls away eyes closed and breathing heavy. I think she’s about to say it, but instead, she licks her lips and then stands, making her way to the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

**

An hour later, I sit across from her at her favorite restaurant. It’s a small little pizza place just a couple of blocks from ground zero. It only has twelve tables, and normally, they don’t take reservations, which means the wait to get in is always around the building this time of night. But I stopped by earlier and dropped them a hefty tip to make sure a table would be available for us.

I push my pizza to the side as I look over at her. Her dark brown hair is still freshly fucked from earlier, and her makeup isn’t quite as perfect as it was, but no one would notice. Her white linen dress brings out the green in her eyes and the tan on her skin. Something is wrong with her. She hasn’t said much since we left my house, and she wasn’t all that happy to come here. Not that I thought she would be anyway.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I ask.

She shakes her head, not looking up from her slice of pizza. “Nothing.”

I reach out across the table and grab her hand. She lifts her eyes to meet mine. “Why are you lying?”

She pulls her hand away and sighs. “I just have a lot going on.” She brushes me off and grabs her pizza. She takes a bite of it and then looks back at me, nodding her head. She tries to give me a closed lip smile with the food in her mouth, and I laugh at her attempt to prove to me she’s okay, but it’s not gonna work.

“Like what?” I press her. She’ll crack. Becca doesn’t do well under pressure. Not this kind of pressure. I know she’s excellent at keeping secrets, but she wears her emotions on her face. That’s one thing I love about her. There’s this smile that she has that tells you she’s genuinely happy. And when she gives it to me, it makes me feel like her hero.

She swallows her bite and then takes another one. I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to buy time so she can come up with something to tell me. I’m not gonna back down, and she knows it.

The waiter comes by and takes my plate. “Thank you,” I tell him, and he takes her almost empty Coke to refill it. “Come on, Becca,” I say when she decides to stay quiet. “Tell me.”

She drops her pizza and leans back in her seat, wiping her lips, and I try to hide my smile. She’s gonna tell me.

I hear a phone ring, and she digs through her purse. “It’s Ry,” she states before answering it. “Hello, Ry.”

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