Page 41 of Dare to be Different

“Don’t say sorry.”

“Well, I am sorry. Really fucking sorry.”

“Because you regret it?” I ask.

His head turns in my direction, the back of the couch propping it up. “Do you?” He turns the question on me. “I never planned on telling you, man. You wouldn’t shut up about it, and it pissed me off because I felt guilty about it, and it just… came out. Now that you know… is it less…”

“Less?”

“Fuck,” he groans, squeezing his eyes shut. “Did you change your mind on how… was it still the… fuck!”

I actually crack a laugh because Remy isn’t the type to stumble. “Was it still the hottest BJ I’ve ever had?” I finish for him and grin, preparing him for my blunt honesty. “Fuck yes it was.”

He blushes and tries to hide his face from me. So, I take a sip and wind up for a speech.

“I don’t give a shit who it was. It was hot as hell, obviously blew my mind because I can’t shut up about it, and now that I know it was you… I dunno. It just fucking makes sense that you did it.”

“Why?” He cuts into my speech.

“Because of the whole connection thing, like I said earlier. We have that. I sure as shit don’t have that level of connection with Cara or Cody, but me and you? Fuck, Rem, we’ve got an entire life bond of thick…”

“Chemistry?” he mutters.

“Yes. We do. It’s never been sexy before, but fuck, chemistry can be more than that, right? I don’t know. I just feel it with you. Comfort and closeness and… chemistry. So, no. I don’t regret it, and I don’t take back all the praise either. Where’s your head at with it?”

“My head is so fucked up it’s incapable of thinking,” he says. “It doesn’t matter anyway, right? It’s over now.”

“Do you want it to be over?” I ask, pushing him harder than I should.

“Don’t you?” His voice raises and he gets up to pace in front of the couch. “I’m all fucked up in my head, Zahn! Ever since this whole wingman shit, I’ve been… it’s different from the things we did before. I don’t know why, but maybe you were right. Maybe I do look at you differently now that I know about your sexuality.”

Fuck. That stings.

“And it’s my fault! Because I know you’re sitting here thinking I’m not comfortable around you because you’re into guys, but it’s the complete opposite of that. It’s me. I’m too comfortable now. I’m… looking at you differently because when you showed me who you really are, it gave my mind permission to. Shit’s been changing in my head, man!”

“What shit?”

“Like the fucked up fact that I need you there! Want you there. Like, isn’t that pathetic? I can’t even think about hooking up unless you’re there now?”

“I can’t either,” I admit. “I’m not freaking out about it.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t suck my dick.” He turns his back to me, sighing again. “We should stop this before I ruin it.”

“No.” I stand up. “I don’t want to stop it, and I know you don’t either. Why do we need to plan everything? It’s been working fine for us.”

“Yeah, until I found out what you taste like!” he shouts at me, and even though he’s embarrassed and angry, blood rushes to my dick.

“Do you regret it?” I ask again, ready to push him until he cracks.

“Zahn—”

“Do you regret it?”

“No.” He meets my eyes. “No. But I should.”

“Why? Because we’re best friends?” I ask, trying to coax him out of whatever shame spiral he’s lost in. “Who cares? Sex has always been a thing we’ve been open about, and this is just a new level.”

“A new level,” he scoffs, shaking his head at me. “A new level that can’t go on.”

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