Page 42 of Dare to be Different

“Why can’t it?”

“Because I’m not fucking gay, Zahn!” he yells at me. “I’m not bi or open or whatever the fuck you think I am. I’m just… confused and learning all these new things now that you’re… and I don’t know. All I know for sure is that I think about you whenever I think about sex. You and sex go hand in hand for me, and I want it to keep going, but I feel like I’ve broken that now.”

“You haven’t. We haven’t. I don’t want this to stop, Remy. I think you just get it now. The vibe thing.”

“Yeah,” he sighs the word. “Yeah.”

I’m glad he gets it. It opens up a lot more options, and it limits the reservations he’s placed on himself by getting caught up in the whole ‘sexuality’ label thing. But my mind has been opening up differently, too. It’s swirling around with all these thoughts about different kinds of bonds and connections ever since that chat on the front porch with Laken.

“Hey, Rem?” I lean back and act casual. He looks at me with annoyance, knowing that whenever I start a conversation with ‘Hey, Rem?’ it’s going to be something utterly ridiculous.

“What?”

“We have a bond.”

“Yeah, Laken mentioned the whole bond thing.”

“Good. So let’s build on it. What if we agree to keep this thing going kind of permanently?”

“What thing, Zahn? Be more specific.” He sits down again, sinking into the couch like the weight of the world is still on his shoulders.

“Our hookup thing. We go at this shit together, like we have been, and keep it running. We become a package deal, you know? Laken’s chat about bonds made me think that maybe I’m not looking for the romantic type. But I can’t think of a person I have a better connection with than you. Do you get it?”

“Yeah, I get it, Zahn, but I don’t know what it means.”

“Let’s figure it out. Whatever happens, happens.”

He laughs, covering his face again. “Yeah, we need more of a boundary line than that. How is it any different from what we’re already doing?”

“Because we aren’t hiding anything anymore. I freaked the fuck out the night that chick sucked us both off because I was worried it would weird you out. It rattled me that I was the one that was afraid of it and you didn’t even bat a fucking lash.” I laugh. “So, let’s keep the communication open, talk about what we want and don’t want, and go from there. No more freaking out. No more making assumptions.”

“You didn’t like that? That night at the hotel?”

“Oh, fuck. I was totally into it. First time our dicks touched, and I had to clench my balls not to come too soon.” I grin at him. “Totally cool with our dicks touching in a situation like that. The rest?” I shrug. “We can figure it out.”

“Figure what out?”

If we want to touch more. “The rest. All the kinky fuckery shit.”

He stands up and decks me right in the mouth. I fall back against the cushions, groaning in pain. It wasn’t a hard hit, but damn. “What the fuck was that for?”

“Lakes said I could hit you if you used that word. Fuckery.”

“That’s my word! Of course I’m going to use it!” I shout at him, checking to see if my lip is bleeding. It’s not.

“I know,” he says, chuckling. “Couldn’t wait until you did.” He pours another drink. “Limits. What are yours? We aren’t doing this unless I know.”

“Sex ones? None. You can blow me anytime you want.” I grin at him as he rolls his eyes. “My limits are about our friendship. Nothing can risk us. Our bond. I’d be lost in life without ya, bud.”

“Agreed.” He brings his cup to his lips and then hands me mine. “And the business. Nothing fucks with that either.”

I nod my agreement. “What’re your boundaries? Tell me what you want out of this.”

His hand goes through his hair again, and the wind zipping around outside fills the silence while he thinks. “I want you… like, the consistency of you. Us being the main part, and whatever or whoever else added in, but we stay central. We get variety and new experiences and to figure out what we like, but we do it together.” He shrugs. “And you have to have at least one sexual boundary.”

I can’t think of one. Maybe if we’re getting into really specific things, I could come up with something. “Not really into shit.”

He laughs. “Piss is fine, though?”

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