Page 110 of Shameless Expectations

“I love Kevin, fully. But we’ve never been in a romantic relationship. And you showed me, though I don’t think that was your intention, that we both deserve to live. I’m tired of living under someone else’s thumb—and I’m not talking about Kevin’s. I don’t want to be someone who gives in to the demands of others because it’s easier than fighting for what I want.”

Monti wet her dry mouth, swallowing hard. When she raised her chin to look directly in Athena’s eye, she asked the only thing she could think of. “What do you want?”

“I want to live life.” Athena’s smile became sheepish, as if she was almost embarrassed to say this out loud.

Monti’s heart shattered for her again.

“That’s all I want, and I don’t even know what life is right now, but I know it’s not this.”

Maybe Athena wasn’t pushing this in the direction Monti had originally thought. She took Athena’s hand and folded their fingers together. She raised Athena’s knuckles to her lips and pressed a delicate kiss to her skin. “So you’re taking steps to get what you need.”

“Yes.” Athena’s lips curled upward in sweet surrender. “Yes, I am.” This time, Athena took Monti’s hand and kissed the back of it. “And what I want is to explore.”

“Explore what?”

“Me, this world, us.”

That last word sent a shock wave through Monti. But niggling under all of it was exactly what she wanted. It wormed its way closer to the surface, past the fear and the worry, and right into the center of her chest.

“I want to see what will come of us,” Athena repeated in more detail.

“I don’t do traditional relationships. If you’re thinking that we’re going to get married—”

“What? No.” Athena shook her head, laughing lightly. “What would make you think that?”

“Because you’re getting divorced, and let’s be honest, you can’t say it’s not because of me.”

“Well, it’s because of your influence, yes. But I wouldn’t put you at the heart of that decision. I’ve wanted to release Kevin from any obligation he may have felt toward me for years. You helped me finally have the courage to do it. He can go be happy with Clayton now.”

Monti’s chest tightened again, almost painfully so. Why couldn’t she just get over herself for this? “I’m proud of you. Really, I am.”

“I’m proud of myself, too.” Athena grinned. She took Monti’s hand, which was still wrapped around hers, and settled it into her lap as she got more comfortable on the couch. “But that does still leave us to talk about.”

Monti inwardly cringed. “There is no us, Athena.”

Athena’s shoulders tightened.

Monti hadn’t said that well. She winced and tried to backtrack. “What I mean is that we haven’t set any parameters on what we’re doing. We haven’t talked about any boundaries or goals—”

“That’s what I want to do,” Athena interrupted in a rushed tone. But then she settled again, as if now that the confession was out there, the biggest hurdle had been cleared.

Except Monti knew there was so much more to the conversation than that. But how were they supposed to do that without Monti truly confessing everything that was in her heart? And neither one of them were ready for that, were they?

Athena swooped in, pressing their mouths together in an unexpected kiss. Monti hummed, automatically raising her hand to cup Athena’s cheek and pull her in. The kiss deepened, a tease of tongues and lips. Their chests pressed together tightly, and Monti felt every breath Athena took. Her heart raced.

“Athena,” Monti murmured, trying to break the kiss. As nice as it was, they really did need to talk. “Athena, stop.”

Athena pulled away, her eyes wide as she bit her lip. Monti moved in and pecked her lips in an attempt to reassure her that nothing was seriously wrong.

“I just want to talk for a minute.”

“Okay,” Athena whispered, staring down at their still-joined hands.

They were both bad at taking these risks. They both had the same hangups and tensions. Monti knew that. She was the one most aware of their similarities, which meant she was going to have to be the one to break first. She had to give up the idea that they could do this together. Someone had to take the risk.

“I don’t want a traditional relationship,” Monti started. As soon as the words started to fall from her lips, everything about this moment became easier. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a relationship. I’m willing to step into whatever your current situation is, be it marriage or whatever.”

Athena’s entire face relaxed, the muscles easing in an instant. Were they both holding so much in that it was making it next to impossible to move in any direction? Monti tensed her fingers and then started a slow pattern with her free hand up and down Athena’s forearm.

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