Page 116 of The Lucky One

“It’s fine, Kiki. Really.” I didn’t want her to shed a single more tear over me.

She sighed deeply, dabbing away her tears with the tissue. “She deserves to know the truth.”

I looked down at my fingers and cracked my knuckles. “No. It’s better for her this way.”

Kiki shot onto her feet and pointed a finger at me. “It’s not! You know that!”

I raised my palms. “No need to get all upset.”

“No need?!” Her arms flew to her head. “Jon, what you’re doing isn’t selfless, it’s absolutely selfish!”

I stood up myself. I had thought it through, and this was the only way to keep her out of this mess. “You think I’m okay with this? I’m dying every second I’m not with her. Do you think that’s what I want?” I roared back.

“You’re not even giving her a choice! She isn’t that fragile little girl she was when she landed in Boonville. Emily is strong, and she deserves to know what’s going on.”

“Fuck!” I went over to my punching bag and hit it with all I had, yelling. But then the yells turned into sobs. Kiki waited patiently on the couch, knowing better than to try to comfort me.

Eventually I dropped to my knees. “I don’t know what the best thing to do is...”

“You do know, Jon. I know you do.”

The next day, I knocked at the Shields’ house with fucking flowers in my hands. Kiki’s words had got me thinking. Emily was strong. I wanted to protect her but I couldn’t do it this time.

Paul opened the door with a confused look. “Why now?” he asked, staring at the pitiful bunch of daisies I had picked because I was too broke to get her a real bouquet.

I shrugged. “It’s complicated.”

It was easier than saying: Because my ex-girlfriend, who’s now your girlfriend, caught me with drugs, forced me to tell her everything and opened my eyes to being a coward.

Paul rolled his eyes. “Well, she’s at work now.”

“But it’s Wednesday.”

“She took on more shifts after you dumped her to distract herself.” He said it with epic scorn, but I didn’t blame him for it.

“Okay,” I said, not moving, because there was something else on my mind. “Those people who were after you. Have you heard from them again?”

Paul stared at me, analyzing my features, but I knew how to keep a poker face. “No, it’s been quiet,” he finally said.

“Good.” I walked back down the stairs.

“Jon, wait!”

“Yeah?” I didn’t look back.

“If you need a friend, I’m still here.”

I pulled in a breath. I didn’t want him to be the one offering the olive branch—I should be the one who made things right. I just needed a bit more time.

“Okay,” I said and kept walking, knowing I was being an asshole again. But I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with him just yet.

I picked up a few things at Walmart. I needed a new pen, and my little black book was filled until the very last page. When I walked past a row of taco shells I couldn’t help picking some up. Then I headed to the cashier. The daisies were already drooping their heads over my fist.

I found her immediately. She was smiling again. She looked beautiful, despite the dark circles under her eyes and the greasy ponytail...

Kiki was right: I had done wrong, deciding what was best for Emily. I had done it again. I had failed her because I wasn’t brave enough.

Heartbreaking Schedule

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