Page 9 of Shattered Wings

“Of course, Lachlan. You know we don’t mind at all,” Mom says, leaning in to give him a tight hug. “We’ve missed you so much. It’s so good to see you. I’m just sorry that it’s under these circumstances.”

“I have missed y’all too. We’ll catch up soon. Maybe we can have dinner at my place. You know I have the room. I was even thinking about making a room for Blakely. I want to help her and Illiana as much as I can.” A room? What in the world is he talking about? This is news to me. But it honestly might be a good idea. She loves her Uncle Lach.

Lena leans in to give Lach a tight squeeze as she whispers in his ear. “Thank you for being so good to our girls. They are going to need all the love and support that they can get right now. Julie and I both appreciate you being here for them.” I guess Lena thinks I can’t hear her, but I hear her loud and clear.

Lachlan gives Lena a kiss on the cheek, “You never have to thank me when it comes to those two. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for those girls. From now on, I’m going to make sure they are a priority for me.” And my heart fucking melts with his words.

“Come on, Lach. Let’s get out of here for a bit. Mom, Lena, I will see you both soon.” Grabbing Lachlan’s hand, I tug him along to his truck.

Lach opens the door for me and says, “your chariot awaits, ma’am.” Oh, my god he’s ridiculous. And please tell me why I’m blushing right now? I never blush, let alone at Lach. He’s my best friend, my safe space always. I swear, if it wasn’t for the sidestep, I wouldn’t be able to get in the truck. I’m five foot nothing. They never make it easy for short people like me.

“You need a bit of help there, short stuff? I can give you a boost.” And then he laughs, he fucking laughs. At least he knows how to lighten the mood.

“I think I can get my own self in the damn truck, Lach. Don’t be an ass.” Turning around, I give him the best glare that I can muster. He just laughs even harder. Fucking asshole!

Once I’m in the truck, he closes my door and goes around to the driver’s side to hop in. He smells of sandalwood with vanilla notes. I swear the scent of him calms me down almost immediately. Thinking back on it, he’s always had this effect on me.

“Where do you want to go, baby doll? We can go to the beach, just sit and watch the waves. Or we can go back to my house for a bit. I can give you a pair of sweats and a t-shirt so you can get comfortable.” Humming in agreement, I would love to get out of this dress and heels.

“Do you have wine? I could use some wine too. If so, we can go to your place. I just need to relax for a while, Lachlan. The last few weeks have flipped my life upside down. I’ve had very little time to sit and reflect on the shitstorm that is my life. Never in my wildest dreams could I have conceived of Jaxon doing what he did to me. And I know you’re going to want to stop me for what I’m about to say, but…I just need you to sit and listen without jumping in.” A growl leaves the back of his throat. He’s never been one to just sit and listen without adding his input. But I know he’ll do it for me this time.

“Jaxon stood by my side for years, Lach. During my battle with leukemia, he stood beside me. He could have left then, but he didn’t. He stuck around for me. In a way, I think he felt like he had no choice. Jax never wanted to let our moms down after what they both went through with our dads. He was a good man, until he wasn’t, and Jax didn’t want to live with the guilt of leaving me alone. I’ve never said this, but I think he felt forced. That doesn’t make what he did alright, but I guess it’s helping me to understand his choices a little better. I was a poison that he couldn’t get rid of. He lied to me for years, Lach. He told me he loved me. Countless times, he swore it on the angels. For most of my life, I believed Jaxon was the best thing that ever happened to me. I guess I was hoping I was the best thing to happen to him, too. He knew what he was doing to me all these years. His bitter lies have never tasted sweeter. Now I’m standing here crumbling into a broken mess of nothingness. I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again. And in the back of my mind I can’t help but think that he’d be here, he’d be alive if it wasn’t for me. He could have gotten out of the military years ago, but he stayed in for me. For me, Lach! I will have doctor’s appointments for the rest of my life. I’ll always need good health insurance and he knew that. Jax made me his responsibility when he shouldn’t have.” At this point, tears are streaming down my face. Big fat tears keep falling as reality smacks me in the face. Jax is dead because of me.

“Illiana, you can’t possibly bel…” He’s not listening to me.

“Lachlan, I love you more than you could ever possibly know. You’ve been my best friend for years. Stuck beside me through thick and thin. But I think it’s time you cut your losses. I’m not good for you. I’ll never be good enough for you. How many girlfriends have you had since we’ve been friends? I can count them on one hand, and that’s not fair to you. You need a life without me in it. I’ll just end up killing you too and I’d never be able to live with myself. I can hardly live with myself now.”

“No! That’s not true. That will never be true, Illiana. You are an amazing, beautiful woman, inside and out. Jax didn’t deserve you. He didn’t treat you how a man should treat his wife, the woman he loves. You are perfect, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“I am far from perfect, Lach. In the end, you’ll see. You won’t stick around. I’m a black widow, after all. I’m a poison that infects all the people that I love. It fills their veins until there’s nothing left, literally. And I don’t want that to be you.”

Lachlan

Heading into Destin from Fort Walton Beach, I sit as silent as a statue in the driver’s seat. Luckily, we’re about five minutes from my condo. I don’t know what to say to Ellie right now. I certainly don’t want to piss her off or set her off anymore than she already is. How could my sweet, beautiful girl ever think that she is a black widow, poison to the people that love her? I’ve met no one more perfect than she is. If I could have stood by her side when she was a kid, I would have dropped everything to be there in a heartbeat. She didn’t see me; she didn’t notice me like that. And she damn sure doesn’t remember me from when we were kids. It really fucking breaks my heart. One day I’ll make her remember me. We had the same connection then that we do now.

I would have loved her harder, loved her longer than any other man in the world, Jaxon included. My heart breaks for what she’s going through right now. If only she would let me. I could be her knight in shining armor.

I feel like a piece of shit for even feeling this way. Jaxon was one of my best friends. Loving her, wanting her, needing her like the air I breathe has always felt forbidden. But it’s the purest love in the world. Nothing else will ever compare to what I feel for her. Yeah, there haven’t been many women in my life. She just doesn’t know that I’ve always wanted it that way. They always end up being compared to her, and that’s just not fair.

“Are you hungry, Ellie? I can stop off at Whataburger for food or I can make you something at the house.” She needs to eat. I can tell that she’s lost so much weight since I saw her six months ago. If she will not take care of herself, then I’ll make damn sure I do it for her.

“I’m fine, Lach. I’m just ready to get to your house and change clothes.” What I wouldn’t give to see a smile on her beautiful face again. The light in her eyes has dimmed, and I can’t help but hate Jax for it. I found that fucking letter he asked me to give to her. I’m planning on giving it to her once we get to the house, and I’m scared shitless. This could be the one thing left that’ll throw her over the edge. I can’t let that happen for her and for Blakely.

“Okay, we’re almost at the condo.” She turns her head and props it against the passenger side window. Stopping at a red light, I glance over in time to see a single tear trail down her rosy pink cheek, leaving a mascara streak in its wake. Ellie keeps breaking my damn heart. That muscle deep in my chest that has only ever worked for her tightens to where I have to take a deep, cleansing breath. And even that doesn’t help.

Pulling into the parking spot and turning off the engine, I look over to Ellie. “How about we go get those clothes and a glass of wine?” Quickly brushing away the tear, she looks up at me and gives me the most pitiful smile. I don’t wait for her to say anything else. Jumping out of the truck, I run around to her side to open the door. She seems surprised that I am opening the door for her, but if there was one thing I learned, it’s to be a gentleman. Reaching in, I unbuckle her seatbelt and grab her around the waist, picking her up out of the truck and planting her feet on the ground as she squeals. Hearing that sound has my heart practically beating out of my chest. It’s the most emotion I’ve seen or heard from her since I first laid eyes on her at the funeral.

“I can walk, ya know!” I most certainly know that she’s an independent woman. That’s one of the things I love most about her. But I’m not about to tell her that.

“Of course you can, Baby Doll. I was just trying to help you out, short stuff. Please don’t be mad at me.” I say, laughing as I grab her hand and pull her along to the front door. Once we’re inside, I tell her, “I’ll be right back. Let me run upstairs and get you some comfortable clothes.” As I’m walking away I tell her, “wines in the fridge so just help yourself.” I don’t stick around to see if she has anything else to say. Now I’m fucking anxious and it’s all because of that damn letter. Quickly grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt from my drawer, I hurry back downstairs. She’s sitting on the couch holding a glass of wine, staring at pictures on my wall. There are so many pictures of all of us over the years. Fuck! Maybe I should have taken them down. The wine glass is almost empty. So either she didn’t pour that much or she’s practically downed what she poured.

“Ellie, if you want me to take your glass of wine while you change clothes, you can. Or you can take it with you. You already know where the bathroom is. I’m going to grab a beer.” She doesn’t give me her glass. She just takes another tentative sip. So I walk into the kitchen, hearing her padding down the hallway to the bathroom. Grabbing my beer out of the fridge, I take a huge swallow after opening it, hoping it will help relax my tense muscles. Hearing the click of the bathroom door, I head back into the living room to sit on the couch. Ellie plops down on the other end, dressed in my fucking clothes. Not once in all the years of knowing her has she ever worn my clothes. And dammit, my dick certainly takes notice. Down, boy. You’ll be staying in my pants. But the things I could do, want to do to her perfect body, have me all out of sorts. I’m fucked up. Get your mind out of the gutter, Lach.

“Thanks for the clothes, Lach. I feel so much better already.” Doesn’t she know that there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do to make her life a little easier?

“You know I’m happy to help. How’s the wine? I got that fruity shit for you. I can’t stand the stuff, but I know you love it.” I know more about this woman than most probably do. I’m betting that I’ve learned more about her little quirks over the years than Jax ever did.

“You didn’t have to do that, but thank you Lachlan. I appreciate it. I would have drank a beer, though.” Lies, she hates beer.

---