Page 55 of Forever Always

Beckett’s head whipped around, and he realized he was sitting right where Dad had been. There wasn’t a lot of it. It wasn’t like a giant puddle or anything. But there was enough.

He half-rolled, half-crawled out. “Oh fuck.” And then he started to dry heave.

I wasn’t waiting anymore. I crawled until I was next to him. He tried to flinch away when I touched his face, but I wouldn’t let him.

“Beckett, look at me, baby.”

He shook his head. “No. I-I can’t.”

“You can. Please, Becks. Look at me. It’s your butterfly. You and me forever, right?”

He tilted his head but wasn’t looking directly at me.

“That’s it. Please, Becks, I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me. I bring you back, remember?”

He sucked in a breath before he collapsed into my arms with deep, heart-wrenching sobs.

“Shh. You’re okay. I got you. I’m not scared of you. I’d never be scared of you.”

Beckett continued to cry for a long ass time. I wanted so desperately to go get him cleaned up, but I knew he needed this. He never cried. Ever.

Finally, his shoulders stopped heaving and all his body weight rested on mine. It was perfect.

I waited a few more minutes, and just held him tight as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“Becks, can we go get you cleaned up please? I wanna look at some of these.”

He nodded into my chest. I had to practically hold most of his body weight as I helped into the bathroom, which wasn’t fuckin’ easy, but I somehow managed it. I sat him on the toilet bowl and dug under the sink for the first-aid kit. That was something we always made sure was stocked up, even when we were broke. It was cheaper than having to go to the doctor, and we needed this shit way too often.

Luckily, I didn’t think anything was broken. I was still worried about a concussion, but I’d just have to keep an eye on him. I grabbed our bottle of pills that we still had left over from last time Jay had restocked us from the tissue box we’d hidden them in so Dad couldn’t find them and grabbed out a handful, a couple for pain and a couple more for the anxiety I knew he was battling.

Becks didn’t even look at me as he took them and swallowed them dry, staring at nothing behind my shoulder.

He didn’t say much to me while I cleaned him up. It wasn’t until we got back to the bedroom and I started to help him out of his messed-up clothes that he started to talk.

“You went lookin’ for him.” It wasn’t a question. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten about the fuckin’ tracking.

I flinched and looked up at him from where I was digging in the dresser for a new shirt. “Yeah. I’m so sorry I lied to you, Becks. I just didn’t know what else to do.”

He was standing there shirtless, all his tattoos and scars on display. Any other time, it would be a total thirst trap when he looked like that, but now all I felt was terror.

“Did you talk to him?”

I bit my lip. I didn’t really want to get into this now, but I couldn’t see a way around it. “No. But he did see me.” I gave Becks the most basic rundown, hoping not to stress him out even more.

Becks’s eyes widened, the fear obvious. “Riley! Fuckin’ Christ! He saw you? Did he recognize you? He’s fuckin’ dangerous. I don’t want him near you. If he found out that you knew what he did . . . I just don’t understand why you’d go there? And why’d you lie? We don’t lie to each other.”

I flinched again. I was standing now, and I hugged the shirt I’d grabbed for him to my chest. I had to stop myself from sniffing it just to inhale Becks’s scent. This was all too much. I hated myself for putting us in this situation.

We just stared at each other for a really long time, tears falling down my face.

“I know I keep sayin’ it, but I am so sorry. I hated lyin’ to you. I feel disgusting. I never want to do that again. I-I just didn’t know what else to do. You kept ignorin’ it, but we can’t anymore, Becks. I can’t keep goin’ on like before, like nothin’ happened when I know what that monster did to you.”

“You shoulda never gone alone. You coulda been hurt! Do you know what I would’ve done if that fucker laid hands on you.”

I swallowed, my legs shaky under me. I needed to sit but I couldn’t bring myself to go to the bed. To go to Becks. I sat right there on the floor.

“I know . . . I wasn’t tryin’ to find him. Or at least, that wasn’t my main goal. I just— Becks, I googled him. He still works with kids all the fuckin’ time. I had to tell someone.”

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