Page 11 of Stay

“I know.” We’ve graduated. It’s time to move on. “Promise we’re still going to meet at least once a year for a girl’s trip?”

“Hells, yes!” I dump more of my things in a box once she lets go of me.

It’s a lie. We’re not going to see each other ever again. Maybe we’ll text once in a while, but that’ll fade fast. It’s inevitable.

Trust me. I’m an expert on this.

I grew up moving from place to place, never having lasting relationships. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a childhood friend you grow up with and grow old with. Hell, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to plant roots somewhere. Every person in my life is temporary.

A knock on our dorm door makes my heart lurch. Squeezing my eyes shut, I blow out a big breath and open the door with a huge smile plastered on my face. “Hey.”

Cole looks exhausted. Almost as if he stayed up all night thinking about today, just like I did. “Got your fave.” He holds out a paper cup, and the scents of cinnamon and cardamom waft into my nose. “Filthy, just how you like it.”

In my opinion, a dirty chai has only one shot of espresso. A filthy one has at least three. He buys them for me all the time.

“You’re the best.” I take a sip before setting it on the empty end table by my bare mattress. “I’m just about done packing.”

Cole stuffs his hands in his jeans and looks around my empty dorm room. The grey hoodie he’s wearing is his favorite. It’s the one he wears the most. He calls it his “emotional support hoodie”. It’s ninety-five degrees outside and he’s wearing that thing like he’s freezing.

I’ve never had an emotional support anything to help me through my tough times. I rely on coldness to get me through.

I like my emotions the way I like my water—bottled with the lid on tight. But over the past year, Cole somehow unscrewed my top, which has turned me into a sloppy mess of feelings I can’t handle.

What started as a fun night led to an amazing year, and now…

It’s over.

We both knew this day would come, so why does it matter? To be pathetic and sentimental about it only infuriates me.

He pulls the hood away from his head. “What can I take down for you?”

“Those two boxes over there can go.”

I’m not one for holding things. I was raised to pack fast and light my whole life. Everything I own fits into three boxes and one duffel. He stacks the two boxes and heads out.

My roommate props the door open for him, and after he’s gone, a breath shudders out of me. I can’t hold myself together. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I bury my face in my hands and cry.

“Oh, sweetie.” Jenna sits next to me. “Why don’t you just tell him?”

I shake my head, unable to talk. My throat closes and eyeballs leak. This is so dumb. I knew better than to get attached.

“Why not?” Jenna whispers, rubbing my back. “He’s crazy about you, girl. Poor guy looks like he’s been hit by a fucking bus.”

All the more reason to not make things any worse than they already are. “We knew this wasn’t forever.”

“Well, maybe that’s how it started. But things change.”

“And that’s exactly what I don’t want.” Swiping my tears away, I blow all my sorrow out in one massive exhale and pull myself together. Crying won’t fix shit. Neither will confessing my feelings for Cole. “He’s going for his master’s in London. I have an internship in Boston. We’re going to be on opposite sides of the planet.”

“So?”

“So?” I toss my hands up. “We both agreed that our careers matter most at this point in our lives. Being in a relationship won’t work.” There’s so much more that I can’t say, so I leave it at that.

Jenna scoffs. “You’re really going to walk away from him?”

“Yes. I’m better off with a clean break. There’s no sense in pretending what we have is going to go anywhere beyond this campus.”

It can’t.

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