Page 67 of Rock On

Hell, I deserved better.

There was plenty of time left here at Harmony Place, and I intended to make the most of it. It did occur to me I needed to make time for myself every week, doing some of the things I’d been doing since I’d been here. Yoga and therapy were good for me, but reading a book, laughing with the friends I’d made during bingo or whatever other event that was planned, was also important.

I couldn’t continue to live on an island of three; Wynter, River, and me.

Wynter had her own life, but she’d put a lot of things on hold to be there for me after Carter died. She didn’t pay rent to live with me, so it was also giving her the ability to save up for a house, but it was more than that. She shouldn’t have to babysit my kid on her days off. She was an ER nurse and she needed downtime too. I’d been incredibly selfish, even though she’d jumped in without me having to ask.

We’d have to talk about that once I got home.

It wasn’t like I couldn’t afford help.

In fact, I’d had a full-time nanny and mommy’s helpers before Carter died.

Then I’d fired everyone except Lorna, whom I’d kept on part-time since she’d been with us since River was born.

As for my friends, I’d started a friendship with Presley, but I’d kept her at something of a distance too, because she was too intertwined with the band, which meant she was also involved with Tommy on a regular basis.

That wouldn’t be a deterrent going forward, though.

Now that he and I were friendly again, it wouldn’t be awkward to run into him.

We’d been tiptoeing around each other since he’d met River on Sunday, and I wasn’t sure why. Whether it was the fact that meeting my son made him uncomfortable, the things we’d been talking about in our sessions, or something else, I wasn’t sure. But tonight, I wanted to address something else that had been on my mind.

The number of men I’d slept with since we divorced was none of his business, but that wasn’t why I wanted to talk about it. I probably should have brought it up in therapy, but it was private, and so incredibly intimate.

“Hey, can we talk about something?” I asked him after dinner. He’d eaten with Quinn and a few other guys he’d met, while I’d been with Mina, Betty, Harriett, and Freya.

“Wanna do it while we watch the sun set?” he asked, smiling up at me.

“Sure.”

I waited for him to get up and say goodbye to his friends, and then we walked out onto the large patio area that overlooked the beach and ocean. It was beautiful here, something I would miss when I went home. I had a gorgeous house, but it wasn’t near the beach, and that was my only regret.

“What’s on your mind, beautiful?” he asked as we gazed out toward the crashing waves. The wind had picked up, so it was a little chilly, and I wrapped my sweater more tightly around my midsection.

“I want to talk about…” I took a breath. “Sex.”

“Okay.” He didn’t sound concerned, but more curious.

“I…we… shit.” I couldn’t look at him. “I’m going to assume you slept with a lot of women after the divorce.”

He sighed. “Harley, that’s not?—”

“No, there’s a reason I’m asking. Please let me get this off my chest.”

“Okay.” He paused. “Yeah. I mean, you left me. From my perspective, I had no reason to deprive myself of fun.”

“How much fun? I don’t mean quantity, I’m talking about…the quality of the sex.” I said a silent prayer he would understand what I was talking about.

And thank goodness the man knew me so well.

“You mean, did I do with strangers the stuff you and I used to do?” he asked carefully.

I nodded and averted my gaze.

Why was this so embarrassing?

We’d had so much sex in our years together.

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