Page 68 of Rock On

More than I could begin to count.

In the beginning, five or six times a day.

Sometimes just as much on birthdays or when we had downtime on the road.

There was very little we didn’t know about each other’s bodies, sexual preferences, and limits.

“Ask me exactly what you want to know, babe,” he said quietly. “I don’t have any secrets about what I like to do in bed.”

“Did you…” I whispered. “Did you do the stuff we like to do together…with groupies and one-night stands?”

“The short answer is no,” he said. “Whenever I sleep with a stranger, I have to keep legalities and shit like that in the back of my mind just by virtue of being who I am. King has been inundated with lawsuits over the years, but I never had to deal with it because during the bulk of our success, I was only with you. Once I was single, I had to be aware of that kind of thing. I was also very careful about who I went down on. Way too many stories about HPV and cancer and shit.” He paused. “But yes, there were a few women I got to know well enough to… get a little crazy with. Why?”

“Because I did it a lot. I let guys do…that to me. The choking and spanking and all of it.”

“Okay.” Now he seemed confused. “What are you getting at?”

“I hooked up with a few guys after River was born because I was so horny it was killing me, but vanilla sex bored me to death. I couldn’t get off. Then when Carter died… I don’t know, but it seemed like finding that high, the one I got from rough sex, was the only thing that made me feel alive.”

“That makes sense.”

“There were so many guys,” I whispered. “And I let them do shit to me that makes me cringe when I think back on it. Because it rarely worked.”

“What rarely worked?” he asked softly, reaching for my hand and squeezing it tightly. “You can talk to me, Harley. No judgment here.”

“I still couldn’t get off.” I dipped my head. “And I let them go so damn far, searching for a release, a reward, so to speak, that I never got. Maybe once or twice. Until I realized how dangerous it was and I gave up.”

“Oh, baby.” He pulled me against his side and slid an arm around me.

“That night at the cemetery, I needed it so badly. I would’ve let you literally do anything you wanted to me, just so I could get off. And looking back, it scares me that I gave you—and all those other guys—the power to potentially hurt me. One guy almost did, which is what finally made me stop.”

“Jesus, I hate hearing that. You know I’d never do anything to cause actual damage, right? Beyond hickeys and spanking your ass until it was bright red. I know how much pain you can take. Even though I bruised your wrist that night at the cemetery. But you have my word that will never happen again.”

“I’ve never been afraid of you. But those other guys…”

“I’d kill anyone who hurt you like that,” he whispered gruffly, pulling me against him.

And for the first time in years, I was in Tommy’s arms.

Really in his arms.

They were wrapped around me tightly, the side of my face against his chest as he stroked one hand up and down my back.

If I could have stayed in this position forever, I would have.

“I’m so embarrassed,” I admitted, nestling deeper into his embrace.

“No. Don’t do that. Despite what happened between us, we were divorced. You shouldn’t be ashamed of having sex.”

“Not for having it, but for how many guys I let do those things to me—for nothing! I barely enjoyed it. Every single time was nothing but the desperation of trying to replace a man who was irreplaceable!”

He lifted my chin with two of his fingers, gazing down at me with his gorgeous face. “I did the same thing, just using quantity instead of intensity. Most nights I got off in like two minutes, without giving a thought to their pleasure. Because they weren’t you.”

“Tommy.” My voice broke as he slowly tilted his head and lowered it to mine.

“Can I kiss you, baby?”

“Yes. Oh, yes.”

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