Page 66 of Rock On

“Am I?” He slowed down and looked at me. “You going to stand here and tell me that kid doesn’t already have you wrapped around his little finger? His dad’s dead, his mom is the love of your life, and because of the band, you’re all inextricably bound in ways I can’t even begin to understand. Can you really deny you want to be his dad?”

“I can’t…” I blew out a breath. “I can’t answer that. I really can’t. I’ve spent five or six years coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never be a dad. Adopting a kid never sat right with me for some reason, and while I can’t say I’ll still feel that way going forward, I also can’t just step into Carter’s shoes.”

“But he wanted you to.” Quinn looked genuinely confused and I frowned.

“How could you possibly know that?”

“You told me about his letters, and unless you were exaggerating, they were pretty clear that he wanted his bandmates to step into that role.”

“All of us, as uncles. He didn’t say anything about becoming River’s dad.”

Quinn rolled his eyes. “Are you really a dumbass, or are you just so busy being cautious that you’re not seeing the forest for the trees? Carter did this intentionally. He knew everything would blow up once you guys found out about River—and he also knew you and Harley would find your way back to each other. Everything you want is within reach, man. All you have to do is grab it.”

“Harley and I have to fix what we broke before I can even think about being in their lives like that. And as much as my heart is screaming that we’re ready, my brain is telling me we’re not. She’s too important to me to rush it.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. But at least admit it to yourself. Make sure she knows you want to try. And not for this let’s-be-friends bullshit either. Be real with her. Slow is okay, but honesty is tantamount.”

“Stop using fifty-dollar words. I don’t think in Ph.D.”

He burst out laughing. “Stop trying to pretend you’re some dumb rocker. There’s a lot more to Tommy Bane than drumsticks and groupies.”

I made a face at him. “Shut your mouth. You’re going to ruin my bad-boy rep.”

“That the rep you’re trying to keep up going forward?” He looked in the direction Harley and River had gone.

“No,” I mumbled after a minute. “Dammit.”

He just laughed again.

Asshole.

I needed better friends.

Or maybe Quinn was exactly the type of friend I needed.

But I had those kinds of friends.

Z and King and Kellan and Devyn.

They’d tried to be there for me the last year, but I’d kept them—and almost everyone else—at bay while I’d suffered alone. And I was just now realizing how lonely I’d been. Not just for the woman I’d lost, but for my brothers. My friends. My band.

First thing tomorrow, I was going to start making things right with them.

Then I was going to get my woman back.

TWENTY-SIX

Harley

Seeing River had been a double-edged sword.

On one hand, I needed to get home to him as soon as I could.

On the other, I needed to be as physically and mentally healthy as possible, because my son deserved for me to be the best mother I could be for him. It was that simple. Especially since the plan had been to have another baby. Carter had left his sperm frozen, ready for me to give River a sibling, and I wanted another baby. I had to be mentally healthy first, though.

I planned to keep up my therapy sessions with Allisha and continue to work on myself once I got home. Maybe not with sunrise yoga on the beach, but I could do yoga when River was at school, I could start cooking healthy meals for us again, and I could definitely be more present. No more sleeping the day away when Wynter was around to watch him. No more putting him in front of the TV so I wouldn’t have to engage.

My little boy deserved better.

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