Page 159 of Until I Own You

I remain silent, trying to keep my breath steady.

“The last thing I want is to hurt you. You know that, right?”

“Yes, Seth. I know that.”

He is quiet for a moment. “I need you to tell me what you need to make you feel safe moving forward. Do you want to pull back? Keep things more…vanilla?”

“Is that what you want?”

“That wasn’t the question.”

“But your desire matters as much as mine.” A sub can go too far, but so can a Dom. We have committed to each other. There is an expectation. And a fear of letting each other down. The less we speak to it, the more the fear will grow. The more possibility there is for hurt.

Seth takes our clasped hands to his forehead. “More than anything in the world, Bridget, I want what will make you happy. It is…” He swallows. Thick and difficult. “It is my greatest desire.”

I’ve spoken with my therapist about Seth. Now. I had been hiding it from everyone, including her. Let’s just say she is earning her hefty fee since what happened in the club.

And though fear lives in the corners of my body, though the darkness of night hits different than it used to, though I have withdrawn from the crowded beat of New York to recover, there is one thing that hasn’t changed.

“You are my Dom,” I say. “And I know with every fiber of my being my body is safe in your hands.”

Seth raises his gaze.

Are you sure? his eyes seem to ask.

“You are my safe place.”

He kisses the back of my hand. “Promise me you will always tell me if that changes. I never want to be anything but your safe space.”

“I promise.”

“In the moment. Right when it happens. If you can.”

“Always, Seth.”

Seth’s concerned expression gives way to a smile. “Then I would like to take you to the Underground tonight.”

I bow my head.

The collar digs into my neck.

I never take it off and become less and less aware of it every day. It is a part of me.

“Yes, Sir.”

I have realized that my desire for a Dom, my desire for Seth, is hand in hand with my desire to restage what happened to me with Zack in college. Though I had dreams of submission before then, that incident has always driven me to seek out the safety of a Dom who wants to control me from a place of love. Who will listen to me when I say the safe word.

I could never have known I would be resetting that clock when I went to the club that night that Zack found me. That the desire for restaging would become so potent again.

I want control. I want choice.

I still have that by choosing to give into Seth.

When we enter the Underground, we enter together. Any lingering stares we ignore.

For the first time, I’m not afraid word will get back to my dad. I already have what I want, and there’s no taking that away from me.

We enter our usual room and the second the door shuts, I start the process of removing my clothes.

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