Page 129 of Until I Own You

I try not to freeze up.

What does getting over his dad’s death have to do with me?

Still, I press on. “You’ll never get over it, Seth. He’s your dad. And you loved him. You’ll always miss him. I mean…I lost my mom so long ago I barely remember her.” I look at pictures. I have videos. Recordings. Her writing. Things she left for me so I’d remember her, cards she wrote for all important moments of my life. She spent the last months of her life as breast cancer destroyed her writing to the woman she hoped her three-year-old would become.

I miss her. It hurts.

But I’ve never questioned the grief I have for a life without my mother.

Seth has pushed it all down for too long. Now his grief is looking for reparations.

He swallows thickly and retreats again so that he can look in my eyes. “That’s why I’m like this, Bridget. Why I don’t like to lose control.”

“I understand.”

“BDSM, it gives me the power over my life I didn’t, well, I guess never had.”

I nod. Submission gives me the freedom I don’t feel I have in my day-to-day life. “You’re answering a part of yourself.”

The corners of his lips creep up. Thank god, a little smile. “Yes, that’s exactly it.”

“I love that smile.” I touch my thumb to his lower lip.

His face is still blotched with tears, but if it wasn’t so red, he’d probably be blushing.

He kisses the pad of my thumb. “You’ve turned everything upside down.”

“Oh?”

Seth’s eyes drop to my collar. He skims it with the tips of his fingers. “What I thought I wanted and what I need are more different than I ever expected, Bridget.”

I hold my breath.

“Do you…do you know what I mean?” He seems unsure.

Seth is never unsure.

I open my mouth to respond but shake my head instead.

Seth wraps his hands around the side of my head, pulls my face closer to his so we are only an inch or so apart.

He could kiss me. But instead, his breath caresses my lips. Then his words. “My feelings. I can’t control them.”

Oh no.

“I don’t just want your submission. Not just your body. Bridget…” Seth tips his forehead against mine. “I want all of you.”

I’m not sure how long the silence lasts.

I want to respond in kind because I know my feelings are the same as his. I want more. Want everything.

But for all intents and purposes, Seth Carlton is my stepbrother. Perhaps he’s forgotten it amidst all the fucking and the punishments and avoiding eye contact. Perhaps everything has gotten too messy, misconstrued, and–

“I want to be with you, Bridget.”

My body reflexes away from his touch, I roll away from him, leap off the bed, and back away until I’m pressed up against the window. “Seth, you know we can’t do that.”

Seth moves languidly, his hand sliding across the bed to the spot I once was. His expression is calm, lips turned into a smile like I’m a child who needs to be convinced to jump off the high diving board.

---