Page 130 of Until I Own You

“I know it will be complicated. But it can’t be more complicated than punishing ourselves for feeling this way.”

I stare at him. My forehead hurts from how it’s wrinkled.

“Unless…” His smile fades. “Unless you don’t feel the same.”

“I–I feel–” I can’t confirm. That will make it harder when I let him down, won’t it? “It would be selfish of us.”

Seth sits up. “Selfish?” he echoes with an angry tone. “How would it be selfish?”

“My dad and your mom both deserve what they have, you know?”

“Of course, they do. But what does that have to do with us deciding to–”

“They deserve their happy family.”

Seth licks his lower lip. “I agree.”

“And if we–” I wave a hand between us. “If we ruined that, it would be selfish. We’d spoil everything.”

“And what we’ve done so far hasn’t?” The coldness is creeping back into his voice.

I’ve been familiar with his stoic self for so many years, been party to the way he can stare right through somebody. I don’t want our lives to go back to the way they were.

But we can’t have our cake and eat it too, can we?

I’m asking.

Can we?

“You think having me as a Dom in secret somehow exempts you from betraying this ‘happy family’ dynamic you’re talking about?” Seth presses further.

I chew on the inside of my cheek.

“God.” Seth throws off the covers and climbs out of the bed. “You’re so fucking naïve, Bridget.”

I grip my hands into fists. “Don’t be mean to me.”

Seth stops. Takes a measured breath. “Fine. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I lean on the window frame.

Outside is the ocean, the devil of an ocean, the one that swallowed Seth’s father whole. If it hadn’t, Seth and I probably never would have met. And maybe that would have been for the best.

Or maybe our paths would have crossed and…it wouldn’t be complicated. We could have each other.

It’s useless thinking in what ifs.

“Does it matter to you? How I feel about you?” Seth says in a defeated tone.

I wait too long to respond. I know I do. But I don’t know what to say.

Then I whisper, “Can’t we just…can you give me some time? We can keep things how they’ve been, and I can think about it. Get used to the idea.”

Seth looks away, tucks his tongue against his cheek. And when his eyes return to me–oh god–It’s exactly how it used to be. Cold. Dark. Threatening to turn me to ice.

“I don’t have any more time to give, Bridget.”

My heart cracks. “Seth, please, just because I’m not saying yes doesn’t mean I’m not–”

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