Page 82 of Haunted

I shake my head. “You’re too innocent to experience the life I’ve lived. I can’t damage your light by subjecting you to such hideous monstrosities.”

“This is the fourth night in a row.”

Yes, every night she’s come to me, ever since I dropped the spell that dampens my screams. She wanted me to stop hiding. Every night she runs to me and consoles me, and I want to— “And I told you I have them every night. You didn’t listen.”

“That’s why no one else sleeps in this wing. You’re too loud when you scream in the dead of night.”

“I’m sorry your emrys hearing allows you to hear my howls.”

She fingers the quilting on the silken comforter. “How have you kept yourself from crying out before?”

She must not have surmised anything from my tome or else she would have guessed at my abilities.

“Cloaking,” I say. “I cast a field of energy that blocks others from hearing my cries because I frightened too many maids and guards away. I’ve learned to deal with the nightmares myself. No one can give me peace.”

“Your light can. You just have to let it into your mind. I could guide it. I’m not as skilled at healing the mind, but you must let me try. This can’t go on.”

It must. As pure as she is, she can’t fathom the darkness. From what she’s told me, it does not exist in the immortal dragon realm. “Niawen, you must understand. The nightmares are embedded in me. My darkness holds on to them.”

“We must get rid of it, then!”

“Niawen.” My voice is drenched in rebuke.

She feels chagrined, and I feel awful, but she plows on, too headstrong. “How can we get rid of your darkness?”

“I’m not letting it go. I use my darkness.” She will never be able to understand this either.

Her frustrations erupt in a hiss.

Good.

“What does the darkness do for you that the light does not?”

“The cloaking. Darkness cloaks light, among other things.” I regret not being honest with her to begin with. My lies weigh heavily on me, but at least I’ve gained her trust by being vulnerable. “I didn’t let you perceive my light at first, but I wanted you to come here—to me—in my realm. I studied your glowing flame of light when you were in Talfryn. I told myself you wouldn’t dream of venturing here, not if you knew of my darkness. The night you saw my light blink on was the night I dropped my veil. I allowed you to see it. You drew closer, and for the first time I had hope.”

She sucks in a breath. “You lured me here.”

“Do you hate me for it?” I half wish she did.

She dips the cloth into a bowl of water and wrings it out, taking time to answer me. “You seem to think I have a tendency to hate things.”

“It’s easy to hate schemers. I find most of my decisions are based on what’s in it for me.”

She huffs. “At least you’re honest about it.”

We study each other by the orb of light floating above our heads. Her soft features are hidden by her worry. Her eyes plead with me to let her in. She desires my relief, but I am too stubborn to yield.

In the nights since she has come to me, to sooth me, to pull me from my delirious howling, I’ve been explaining little by little how the darkness works, how my heart-center is a void waiting to be filled with the dark matter of the universe.

Niawen’s heart-center is full of light, as are all emrys’ heart-centers—until she blemished it in the raid I sent my men on.

She will never forgive me if she knows.

Half-emrys are different. Depending on our deeds, good or bad, our voids fill with either dark energy or light energy. Both swirl within our centers. Both can be harnessed. I carry these energies and am perfectly aware of the misery and guilt the darkness causes me, but I refuse to share my misdeeds with Niawen no matter how much she asks.

She’s judging me; I can sense it. Yet she is utterly frustrated with herself for doing so, for wanting to see deeper in me though I forbid it. Her curiosity is driving her to madness. She dares to peek on occasion, when she thinks my attention is diverted, but I always know.

She resigns herself to studying my face. I turn my head toward my pillow, growing weary with sleep, feeling comfort from her presence. My nightmare is gone for the time being. Niawen keeps them away, and while I am guilt-ridden for keeping her awake, I am also thankful.

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