Page 81 of Haunted

“One immortal parent, one mortal parent. One brings light; the other brings darkness. I am two halves twisted together.”

“Why haven’t I discerned the darkness in you before?”

“One of my gifts is deception,” I say. “I’m a master of deception. I hide who I am.”

“And who are you truly?”

A twisted monster. “Insane.”

“No, you’re not,” she says. “I haven’t seen one inkling of insanity. I’m the one who stood on the ledge in that snow storm, remember?”

I look at her with disbelief. She’s being too kind when I want to lash out. I want to show her I am far from kind. “I am. I’m slipping into madness.”

“Not while I’m here, you won’t. I won’t let anything happen to you. We have each other. We take care of each other.”

Her devotion to me, without knowing me, makes me want to hurt something. “I’m terrified of what I might become. There’s no stopping it. I wish you understood, but I’m reluctant to show you.”

“You’re only who you want to be. Don’t give me rubbish about life choosing the path for you. We make the choice.”

“What if, deep inside, I’ve already made the choice?” The choice to reveal my horrors to you one by one.

“And what choice would that be?” she asks.

“To quit fighting. I haven’t the strength anymore.”

“I refuse to believe that. You pulled me off a ledge the other day, and now you’re telling me you want to give up?”

“I’ve been lying to you so you won’t go away. Because I need you.” Creators above, how I need her. “But I don’t want to drag you into this. I thought if you were just near me, I’d be fine. That your light would make a difference.”

“You will be fine with me here.”

“You’re staring at a monster.” I frown. “Your face shows how horrified you are, even if you block your emotions. I told you no one could gauge my emotions because I concealed them. I’ve been hiding everything from you.”

“Stop it. Stop hiding. I demand that you show me what’s going on in your head.”

“You won’t like what you see. And I can’t promise you anything. I deceive. I excel at nothing better.”

“You’ve done this.” She gestures around the room. “You’ve revealed a part of yourself with this explosive tantrum.”

“It became too much.” I swallow. “A ticking bomb exploded.” I would launch that bomb on Caer and take the empress down with it if I could.

“Monster or not, we all live in nightmare. We can fight together,” she says.

My shoulders soften, falling in defeat. Niawen is pushing her way into my heart, and that frightens me. I look at her with forlorn eyes. She’ll see more than she bargained for. “So be it. It’s going to get ugly.”

58

A weakness creeps into my voice. “Do you regret your request?” My distress has multiplied since the day I confessed my nightly purgatory. My feelings for Niawen are growing…

And the guilt I have for hurting her.

I don’t ever plan on telling Niawen about either of them.

She sits on the edge of my bed, with her body turned toward mine, mopping at my forehead with a damp cloth. “Show me.”

“I can’t let you enter my mind,” I say. Her petitioning has been relentless.

“They’re just nightmares.”

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