Page 59 of The Edge of Never

“No. Just ye.”

A part of me felt honoured Thane had told me about it. The other half understood it was easier to talk to a stranger than the people who knew you best. That was why I told Thane my story.

“I can tell it’s been difficult carrying that around all this time. What she did was shitty, Thane, giving you an ultimatum like that. You deserved better than to be blindsided by the truth she kept from you throughout your entire relationship.”

He didn’t respond for a long while. I was pretty sure he hadn’t thought about it that way. Her death likely overshadowed their argument, but I didn’t want to hold back on my thoughts when he had made his clear regarding my horrible situation.

“I feel guilty aboot it.”

“What part?”

“The argument and her death. I couldnae control the car.”

“And you think that was your fault?”

“Aye.”

I wiped my tears from my face and pushed myself up to meet his eyes. They were still glassy, and his expression was pained. If he didn’t want to talk about their argument further, I wouldn’t make him, but we were going to get one thing straight about the car crash.

“It was an accident.”

“Aye, but it was mah responsibility tae keep her safe and I didnae.”

“No one is at fault for what happened. And assigning blame is a pointless endeavour when it was out of your control. It was out of everyone’s control. You didn’t demand the rain to fall or the water to be on the road. You were in an impossible situation and that is fucking horrible, but there is not guilt here, Thane. You didn’t kill Jenna.”

“It feels like I did.”

I placed both my hands on his face without thinking about it. He stared up at me with those sad green eyes. It broke something inside me.

“Say it with me… I am not responsible for her death.”

“Kit.”

“Say it.”

I didn’t know why I was doing this. I couldn’t stand the thought of him beating himself up over her death after all this time. Accidents happened, and it sucked, but he wasn’t at fault. Deep down, he had to know that.

“Am no responsible for her death.”

He whispered the words, but the fact he said them made my heart hurt.

“Do you mean that?”

“Mibbe.”

“Thane.”

He blinked, then looked away.

“If we hadnae been arguing, I might’ve been paying more attention. I should’ve waited until we were home tae ask her, but I couldnae take it any longer. It had been months of her no wanting tae talk. We werenae intimate. She didnae hug me or kiss me. It was like we were living separate lives but together. I blame mahself for that part. For talking tae aboot it in the car when it was pissing doon with rain. It was a stupid thing tae dae.”

If I hadn’t known how stubborn he could be, his words would have frustrated me even more. He needed to hear a few home truths about the situation. Just as he had told me that Lawrence had taken advantage of me, I was going to make sure Thane knew he didn’t get to take the blame for an accident.

“Well, it wasn’t the best idea, no, but you were trying to keep your marriage together. No one can blame you for that. There is never a right time to bring a subject up or talk about things. Sometimes we get it wrong. It’s just fucking tragic what happened to both of you, but it’s still not your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose or make it happen. It just did.”

Thane closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, he put his hands on mine, curling his big fingers around my much smaller ones.

“I know ye’re right, it’s just hard tae reconcile that in mah head. That I didnae dae anything wrong. It isnae fair that I got tae live and she died.”

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